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Walking on eggshells...
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 84634" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Hi there, </p><p></p><p>Gotta tell you first we watched a show on the telly last night about Australia and the deadly things that are creeping, swimming, and slithering, hidden in the surf and well, let's just say maybe one day we'll meet in New Zeland. MY GOSH. Box jellies, some sort of rock fish, mouse spiders, red backs, poisonous water snakes, salties, and a blob fish? Scratching Australia off the must do before I die list. </p><p></p><p>Anyway. Here is something that is true and once discovered it helped me with difficult child. difficult child who is now 17, 6'1" tall, size 11.5 shoe is for all intents and purposes in a 17 year olds body, BUT has the emotional capacity of maybe a 12 or 13 years old child and has the street savy of a 41 year old (or so he thinks) he can't count change back but can tell you the name of all the gangsta rappers. A skill which will come in handy should he ever need to give someone change for 50cent. (another rapper) </p><p></p><p>So when he would "begin" the first time after I had this enlightment I saw him not as a 17 year old juvenille, but rather as a skinny, little 12 year old and it worked wonders. The younger I made him in my mind, the better off I was in not responding to him. And the "SHUT UP why do I bother?" Yeah we had that too, and our answer STANDARD was "HE&& we don't know why do you?" in unison and he would clear the room. When HE decided it was time to talk, we would get up and leave the room, and shut the door behind us. This went on for about a month or month and a half. IN therapy we discussed how it made HIM feel when we didn't give him our attention but instead got up and left the room silent as the grave. No matter what he said, cursed, swore we didn't react. THey are looking for a rise, reaction something. That's why the door slamming started here. And we took his door off. THen he slammed the kitchen door, and since we can't take IT off, we told him that if he slammed it ONE more time he would be standing there shutting and opening it in an appropriate manner 500 times. And I sat on a chair and counted. </p><p>The kitchen door never got slammed again. At 399 times of opening and shutting the door slowly the joke had worn off. And he still had 101 times more to go. DF thought I lost what was left of my marbles. </p><p></p><p>So at 21, tell yourself she looks 21, has aboyfriend living there but is really 13 at best? I mean you don't tell her this. IT's YOUR coping mechanism. Tell the other kids, each time they don't engage her in an argument? Or totally ignore her you'll PAY them. Ask them also to just get up, and walk away in silence, then shut the door behind them. IF she goes after them into THEIR room, they leave their room and come find you (again in silence) and you walk the other kid past her, put him in his room shut the door, and then go back to what you were doing in silence. </p><p></p><p>- from the show Merlin - if we are forgotten we cease to exist. And to not exist in that moment? Well...nothing is ever won by screaming except maybe a spot on Idol. </p><p></p><p>Hope you find some relief. And what a little cutie....mouse spider. We have black widows here at my house, but only ever had one in the house and df sprayed like we owned the pest control company </p><p></p><p>Hugs</p><p>Star</p><p></p><p>OH gosh I just saw a Wombat....HOW adorable. Maybe I could be persuaded.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 84634, member: 4964"] Hi there, Gotta tell you first we watched a show on the telly last night about Australia and the deadly things that are creeping, swimming, and slithering, hidden in the surf and well, let's just say maybe one day we'll meet in New Zeland. MY GOSH. Box jellies, some sort of rock fish, mouse spiders, red backs, poisonous water snakes, salties, and a blob fish? Scratching Australia off the must do before I die list. Anyway. Here is something that is true and once discovered it helped me with difficult child. difficult child who is now 17, 6'1" tall, size 11.5 shoe is for all intents and purposes in a 17 year olds body, BUT has the emotional capacity of maybe a 12 or 13 years old child and has the street savy of a 41 year old (or so he thinks) he can't count change back but can tell you the name of all the gangsta rappers. A skill which will come in handy should he ever need to give someone change for 50cent. (another rapper) So when he would "begin" the first time after I had this enlightment I saw him not as a 17 year old juvenille, but rather as a skinny, little 12 year old and it worked wonders. The younger I made him in my mind, the better off I was in not responding to him. And the "SHUT UP why do I bother?" Yeah we had that too, and our answer STANDARD was "HE&& we don't know why do you?" in unison and he would clear the room. When HE decided it was time to talk, we would get up and leave the room, and shut the door behind us. This went on for about a month or month and a half. IN therapy we discussed how it made HIM feel when we didn't give him our attention but instead got up and left the room silent as the grave. No matter what he said, cursed, swore we didn't react. THey are looking for a rise, reaction something. That's why the door slamming started here. And we took his door off. THen he slammed the kitchen door, and since we can't take IT off, we told him that if he slammed it ONE more time he would be standing there shutting and opening it in an appropriate manner 500 times. And I sat on a chair and counted. The kitchen door never got slammed again. At 399 times of opening and shutting the door slowly the joke had worn off. And he still had 101 times more to go. DF thought I lost what was left of my marbles. So at 21, tell yourself she looks 21, has aboyfriend living there but is really 13 at best? I mean you don't tell her this. IT's YOUR coping mechanism. Tell the other kids, each time they don't engage her in an argument? Or totally ignore her you'll PAY them. Ask them also to just get up, and walk away in silence, then shut the door behind them. IF she goes after them into THEIR room, they leave their room and come find you (again in silence) and you walk the other kid past her, put him in his room shut the door, and then go back to what you were doing in silence. - from the show Merlin - if we are forgotten we cease to exist. And to not exist in that moment? Well...nothing is ever won by screaming except maybe a spot on Idol. Hope you find some relief. And what a little cutie....mouse spider. We have black widows here at my house, but only ever had one in the house and df sprayed like we owned the pest control company Hugs Star OH gosh I just saw a Wombat....HOW adorable. Maybe I could be persuaded. [/QUOTE]
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