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Wanderlust......
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<blockquote data-quote="dreamer" data-source="post: 128520" data-attributes="member: 1697"><p>OK my apologies. I think I am in this .....rut.....cuz of the funerals piling up yet again on my plate, my kids plates.....and I am again in this mindset of OMG, I am just SOOOO glad my kids are alive. So glad I am alive. my poor kids have been to far more funerals than most elderly adults have been to in their whole entire life.</p><p>Not for adults, but for their pees, friends, classmates, cousins etc. </p><p></p><p>SO I think I might be ridiculously unrealistically simply joyous my kids are here. </p><p></p><p>Buffy, she had been suicidal, as a very young child. then a cutter, a druggie, drinking, run away.......gone long periods of time. I was SO afraid ......SO scared. I can take the challeneges she presents NOW by being agoraphobic and glued to my side becuz I am still so grateful she is here at all. IIRC I made some deal with ?? the devil? God? Someone, maybe I made some deal bring her home, safe and I will love her no matter what else? And I will be grateful. I do not remember for sure. </p><p></p><p>My easy child? Yikes, to have found out she had been molested right under our nose sort of at her fiends, and that she REPORTED it to school, who reported it to CPS and police bt then let it go, and NEVER told ME for 9 YEARS? and that it happened numerous times over those years? She reported it, her sister reported it and the friend reported it, all were victims......as well as 6 OTHER girls? </p><p>I am SO grateful she seems OK......easy child had a strange little accident as an infant, and almost died. I am SO grateful she didn't. easy child is driving now and every single day I am scared and every single evening I am SO happy to see her walk in the door, it is just ridiculous. </p><p></p><p>My son, the miracle baby with all kinds of weird things at his birth. thru his pregnancy. then his 2 eye surgeries. 9 hours each time, I sat very alone, in the surgery waiting room, scared to peices. </p><p></p><p>Adventure? Living with my kids is an adventure. It is high stakes very scary.......it is pure joy. It has been a LOT of hard work, hard times, hardest thing I have ever ever done. and I am still doing it. But I also love it more than life itself. </p><p></p><p>I resent most of all, what the school and treatment teams put us thru. How they treated us, how they handled things. </p><p></p><p>I also hate hate hate how my body let me down and failed and forced my children to witness that.....I hate it but....in hindsight my kids grew some dureing that time. and so did I. </p><p>Do I get wanderlust? sure, so long as I can drag one or all or some of my kids along on my wanderings. adventure? every day here is a major adventure. some good, some not so good, some downright bad. do we get on each others last raw nerve? you betchya. do we fight? there is probably at least one fight every day, and some days the whole day is a fight. after all we have multiple mental illnesses going and several different ages here...... and our home is a mere 900 sq feet. add in our various physical disabilities, and it sure can get interesting. </p><p></p><p>But - again, my apologies cuz I am looking at things thru grief filled eyes today.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dreamer, post: 128520, member: 1697"] OK my apologies. I think I am in this .....rut.....cuz of the funerals piling up yet again on my plate, my kids plates.....and I am again in this mindset of OMG, I am just SOOOO glad my kids are alive. So glad I am alive. my poor kids have been to far more funerals than most elderly adults have been to in their whole entire life. Not for adults, but for their pees, friends, classmates, cousins etc. SO I think I might be ridiculously unrealistically simply joyous my kids are here. Buffy, she had been suicidal, as a very young child. then a cutter, a druggie, drinking, run away.......gone long periods of time. I was SO afraid ......SO scared. I can take the challeneges she presents NOW by being agoraphobic and glued to my side becuz I am still so grateful she is here at all. IIRC I made some deal with ?? the devil? God? Someone, maybe I made some deal bring her home, safe and I will love her no matter what else? And I will be grateful. I do not remember for sure. My easy child? Yikes, to have found out she had been molested right under our nose sort of at her fiends, and that she REPORTED it to school, who reported it to CPS and police bt then let it go, and NEVER told ME for 9 YEARS? and that it happened numerous times over those years? She reported it, her sister reported it and the friend reported it, all were victims......as well as 6 OTHER girls? I am SO grateful she seems OK......easy child had a strange little accident as an infant, and almost died. I am SO grateful she didn't. easy child is driving now and every single day I am scared and every single evening I am SO happy to see her walk in the door, it is just ridiculous. My son, the miracle baby with all kinds of weird things at his birth. thru his pregnancy. then his 2 eye surgeries. 9 hours each time, I sat very alone, in the surgery waiting room, scared to peices. Adventure? Living with my kids is an adventure. It is high stakes very scary.......it is pure joy. It has been a LOT of hard work, hard times, hardest thing I have ever ever done. and I am still doing it. But I also love it more than life itself. I resent most of all, what the school and treatment teams put us thru. How they treated us, how they handled things. I also hate hate hate how my body let me down and failed and forced my children to witness that.....I hate it but....in hindsight my kids grew some dureing that time. and so did I. Do I get wanderlust? sure, so long as I can drag one or all or some of my kids along on my wanderings. adventure? every day here is a major adventure. some good, some not so good, some downright bad. do we get on each others last raw nerve? you betchya. do we fight? there is probably at least one fight every day, and some days the whole day is a fight. after all we have multiple mental illnesses going and several different ages here...... and our home is a mere 900 sq feet. add in our various physical disabilities, and it sure can get interesting. But - again, my apologies cuz I am looking at things thru grief filled eyes today. [/QUOTE]
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