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Was feeling hopeful and excited...until the guilt snuck back in.
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 414917" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Hi, </p><p> </p><p>While what I typed a few weeks ago may have come off as harsh? I worried that maybe you wouldn't come back or you thought "I can't stand this person who IN The H does she think she is?" to give me advice like she did. I didn't mean to offend you, or make you mad, hurt your feelings or anything like that. I just wanted you to know - I've been exactly where you were..exactly. I think maybe after years of my life's experiences? I've just gotten not so flowery (probably wrong word there). If I did make you feel anything uncomfortable? My apologies. Just wanted you to know I really have thought about you. </p><p> </p><p>As far as medicines and what you felt? What you are feeling? The memory loss? This is exactly why I suggested someone for you to talk to. People get so uneasy and offended by the word therapist, but do you have any idea the phenominal amount of stress and anxiety YOU are under not only as a Mother, but as a worker, wife, person? It's unreal. Every day things don't get any easier, they get more complicated, more involved - your children get older and that in itself gets more complicated when it should get more easier - but with our kids the stakes get higher because the troubles and penalties they face like law enforcement, jail time etc become real adult issues and those things are reality. Not to mention their clothes are more expensive, cars, insurance - and the need to fit-in as teens is ghastly, plus add in adolescent hormones and changes and attitudes and you think about the child you gave birth to and now you've got this nine, ten eleven year old emerging 'unknown alien' living in your house and you would literally give your right arm for one day of normal, then sit and ponder what IS normal? </p><p> </p><p>Plus you start thinking back over the last years from prebirth to now and it just killed me - did I eat microwave food? Did I drink lemonade with aspartame in it? Is THAT what caused him to be like this? Was I near overhead electrial wires? Where did I live, what was in the water I drank and on and on until I made myself nuts trying to figure out what caused this. For us it's not much of a no-brainer - my x is a psychopath and BiPolar (BP). I'd love to blame genetics completely. But then again we trialed over 62 medications (and yes there was major guilt about it and no none of them really helped) he's 20 now and none of them were much affective except the anti-depressants. So you start thinking what did help? For us? Therapy. The things we learned there didn't help my son right away, but like I say - if they have ODD - what does that mean? They are defiant. So isn't a therapist in a position of authority? yup. Well at 20 my sons therapy is just now starting to pay off. 15 years of going all the time, every week and it's like someone pulled a string in his attic. Like HE thought of this all by himself. </p><p> </p><p>Wearing him out physically helped - riding a bike, walking, climbing, being active constantly helped him the most. Keeping him busy. It's like no one has that energy level. I certainly didn't I was worn out completely. Our family therapy once a week helped us air things out between us all, and my individual therapy? Saved my life. It was MY 45 mins there, 45 mins in the chair and 45 mins back - to MYSELF. And those 45 mins talking to the shrink? Heaven - it was like MY time to blow it out about my kids, work, people, fiance - and MYSELF plus anything and everything I wanted to complain and #_)%)#(* about - and then? Get a solution to work on, but for 45 minutes? I had one persons attention that listend to ME without someone trying to jump in and say "Well you know I.......and Oh yeah that reminds me of a time I......" just me - and I wasn't complaining to my fiance, family, friends......and you keep those people that way. They don't mind being around YOU and you get happier, less guilty, you start to figure yourself out, and it's not all roses at home.....but you start to get control over lots of things in your life, and I had a hot temper...now? I have coping skills. I can say no to people...I know why things happened in my life. I know why I parented the way I did and now I parent differently. I'm calmer...I like myself. I still take anti depressants, but that doesn't matter. Some cars need more oil, I need Welbutrin. </p><p> </p><p>So with your son? He might be the kid that needs more XX medicine......and it may work to help support him so that he can focus while he works with his therapist on his behaviors. If it isn't you tweak and move on to something else. It's going to be like that for him, and it's going to be like this for you - unfortunately. He's always going to be a high-energy kid, and unless you do something to help yourself? You are going to feel constantly drained, like you will never catch up, always on the edge, and unfortunately a bubble bath of Calgon ain't gonna cut it. Blowing it out once a week for 45 minutes with a trained professional that can help you get one step ahead of your kids? Might. That AND finding Mommy Island where Raoul massages your back and some cabana boy brings you endless margaritas.....while you get pink toes. (good idea) </p><p> </p><p>Hugs & Love </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 414917, member: 4964"] Hi, While what I typed a few weeks ago may have come off as harsh? I worried that maybe you wouldn't come back or you thought "I can't stand this person who IN The H does she think she is?" to give me advice like she did. I didn't mean to offend you, or make you mad, hurt your feelings or anything like that. I just wanted you to know - I've been exactly where you were..exactly. I think maybe after years of my life's experiences? I've just gotten not so flowery (probably wrong word there). If I did make you feel anything uncomfortable? My apologies. Just wanted you to know I really have thought about you. As far as medicines and what you felt? What you are feeling? The memory loss? This is exactly why I suggested someone for you to talk to. People get so uneasy and offended by the word therapist, but do you have any idea the phenominal amount of stress and anxiety YOU are under not only as a Mother, but as a worker, wife, person? It's unreal. Every day things don't get any easier, they get more complicated, more involved - your children get older and that in itself gets more complicated when it should get more easier - but with our kids the stakes get higher because the troubles and penalties they face like law enforcement, jail time etc become real adult issues and those things are reality. Not to mention their clothes are more expensive, cars, insurance - and the need to fit-in as teens is ghastly, plus add in adolescent hormones and changes and attitudes and you think about the child you gave birth to and now you've got this nine, ten eleven year old emerging 'unknown alien' living in your house and you would literally give your right arm for one day of normal, then sit and ponder what IS normal? Plus you start thinking back over the last years from prebirth to now and it just killed me - did I eat microwave food? Did I drink lemonade with aspartame in it? Is THAT what caused him to be like this? Was I near overhead electrial wires? Where did I live, what was in the water I drank and on and on until I made myself nuts trying to figure out what caused this. For us it's not much of a no-brainer - my x is a psychopath and BiPolar (BP). I'd love to blame genetics completely. But then again we trialed over 62 medications (and yes there was major guilt about it and no none of them really helped) he's 20 now and none of them were much affective except the anti-depressants. So you start thinking what did help? For us? Therapy. The things we learned there didn't help my son right away, but like I say - if they have ODD - what does that mean? They are defiant. So isn't a therapist in a position of authority? yup. Well at 20 my sons therapy is just now starting to pay off. 15 years of going all the time, every week and it's like someone pulled a string in his attic. Like HE thought of this all by himself. Wearing him out physically helped - riding a bike, walking, climbing, being active constantly helped him the most. Keeping him busy. It's like no one has that energy level. I certainly didn't I was worn out completely. Our family therapy once a week helped us air things out between us all, and my individual therapy? Saved my life. It was MY 45 mins there, 45 mins in the chair and 45 mins back - to MYSELF. And those 45 mins talking to the shrink? Heaven - it was like MY time to blow it out about my kids, work, people, fiance - and MYSELF plus anything and everything I wanted to complain and #_)%)#(* about - and then? Get a solution to work on, but for 45 minutes? I had one persons attention that listend to ME without someone trying to jump in and say "Well you know I.......and Oh yeah that reminds me of a time I......" just me - and I wasn't complaining to my fiance, family, friends......and you keep those people that way. They don't mind being around YOU and you get happier, less guilty, you start to figure yourself out, and it's not all roses at home.....but you start to get control over lots of things in your life, and I had a hot temper...now? I have coping skills. I can say no to people...I know why things happened in my life. I know why I parented the way I did and now I parent differently. I'm calmer...I like myself. I still take anti depressants, but that doesn't matter. Some cars need more oil, I need Welbutrin. So with your son? He might be the kid that needs more XX medicine......and it may work to help support him so that he can focus while he works with his therapist on his behaviors. If it isn't you tweak and move on to something else. It's going to be like that for him, and it's going to be like this for you - unfortunately. He's always going to be a high-energy kid, and unless you do something to help yourself? You are going to feel constantly drained, like you will never catch up, always on the edge, and unfortunately a bubble bath of Calgon ain't gonna cut it. Blowing it out once a week for 45 minutes with a trained professional that can help you get one step ahead of your kids? Might. That AND finding Mommy Island where Raoul massages your back and some cabana boy brings you endless margaritas.....while you get pink toes. (good idea) Hugs & Love Star [/QUOTE]
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Was feeling hopeful and excited...until the guilt snuck back in.
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