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Wayward daughter
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<blockquote data-quote="newstart" data-source="post: 724348" data-attributes="member: 22416"><p>I hear your words 1905 and I feel for you. There are many levels to CD and some of us are dealing with an extra huge load amount. My husband luckily does not believe a word our daughter says. He tries to ignore her for the most part, and even though she deserves him ignoring her, it hurts me to see this type of dyfunction. Even though she hurts and harms me to the core, I still want others to be good and kind to her, in fact it really hurts when someone tells me what a --it she is. We have to watch our finances like a hawk. My daughter comes over to our home each time we go out of town. She said it is to check it out to make sure things are ok. Last time we forgot to change the codes so she came in, we combed through everything and so far everything looks ok. I do not want anyone in my home or life that I have to watch like a hawk, making sure they do not rip me off. I live a very simple clutter free lifestyle so if she did take something I would know right away. Besides robbing me of my dignity, self respect, money, and reality though her never ending lies, I really don't want such a person in my home or even in my circle. If she were not my daughter she would be gone a long time ago. She actually hurts my spirit down deep to the core. I am learning more and more about detatchment and it is feeling more and more right. Even after all is said and done, the fact remains that I have one daughter and she is horrible to me. I know some of you will say well do this or do that and I am positive I have done all that anyone can suggest but in reality I gave birth to a daughter, it is not so easy to just walk away and no matter the grief she has caused I still love her deeply and I have no idea how or why I feel this. I have no idea how someone can be so fiercly ugly to me and I claim to still love them.. I can love her from afar and not have to take her abuse. Anyone that is on the receiving end of this type of abuse has to have PTSD and I know I do. What makes my situation so much worse is that I have lost a son and truly understand that life is short, unpredictable, and each day is to be treasured. I believe it is important to live in harmony with yourself and with others. I have swallowed so much grief and have excused my daughter behavior to the point I have lost my own self respect. I have it back full on now and will not let her walk all over me ever again. I thought that blowing her off for 3 months did the trick but here we are again with me having to do it all over again to save my sanity. I was still feeling sorry for her when she was 28. She is now 35 1\2 and feeling sorry for her it still there a bit but not very much. The older she gets the less I feel sorry for her because if she wanted to stop the nasty behavior she could. I just pray for all the people that are harmed in her wake, I know she knows right from wrong, she is highly intelligent yet choices to live on the wrong path. She stays highly manic in her relationship with her live in, live out boyfriend that I believe has a CD.</p><p></p><p>1905, I do hope you share more, it is theraputic to write it out, I feel better since I am not holding it in and actually putting the feelings into words, helps me process and move forward. As grieved and pained as I feel, I now have a sense of peace. I wish all of us deep peace as we work out way though this very difficult journey.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="newstart, post: 724348, member: 22416"] I hear your words 1905 and I feel for you. There are many levels to CD and some of us are dealing with an extra huge load amount. My husband luckily does not believe a word our daughter says. He tries to ignore her for the most part, and even though she deserves him ignoring her, it hurts me to see this type of dyfunction. Even though she hurts and harms me to the core, I still want others to be good and kind to her, in fact it really hurts when someone tells me what a --it she is. We have to watch our finances like a hawk. My daughter comes over to our home each time we go out of town. She said it is to check it out to make sure things are ok. Last time we forgot to change the codes so she came in, we combed through everything and so far everything looks ok. I do not want anyone in my home or life that I have to watch like a hawk, making sure they do not rip me off. I live a very simple clutter free lifestyle so if she did take something I would know right away. Besides robbing me of my dignity, self respect, money, and reality though her never ending lies, I really don't want such a person in my home or even in my circle. If she were not my daughter she would be gone a long time ago. She actually hurts my spirit down deep to the core. I am learning more and more about detatchment and it is feeling more and more right. Even after all is said and done, the fact remains that I have one daughter and she is horrible to me. I know some of you will say well do this or do that and I am positive I have done all that anyone can suggest but in reality I gave birth to a daughter, it is not so easy to just walk away and no matter the grief she has caused I still love her deeply and I have no idea how or why I feel this. I have no idea how someone can be so fiercly ugly to me and I claim to still love them.. I can love her from afar and not have to take her abuse. Anyone that is on the receiving end of this type of abuse has to have PTSD and I know I do. What makes my situation so much worse is that I have lost a son and truly understand that life is short, unpredictable, and each day is to be treasured. I believe it is important to live in harmony with yourself and with others. I have swallowed so much grief and have excused my daughter behavior to the point I have lost my own self respect. I have it back full on now and will not let her walk all over me ever again. I thought that blowing her off for 3 months did the trick but here we are again with me having to do it all over again to save my sanity. I was still feeling sorry for her when she was 28. She is now 35 1\2 and feeling sorry for her it still there a bit but not very much. The older she gets the less I feel sorry for her because if she wanted to stop the nasty behavior she could. I just pray for all the people that are harmed in her wake, I know she knows right from wrong, she is highly intelligent yet choices to live on the wrong path. She stays highly manic in her relationship with her live in, live out boyfriend that I believe has a CD. 1905, I do hope you share more, it is theraputic to write it out, I feel better since I am not holding it in and actually putting the feelings into words, helps me process and move forward. As grieved and pained as I feel, I now have a sense of peace. I wish all of us deep peace as we work out way though this very difficult journey. [/QUOTE]
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