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WE ARE DONE!!!!!! Update
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 75922" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>So one minute he is complaining about her stalking him and wanting to put a restraining order on her, and THEN he picks her up when she makes a drunken call from the cop shop? Puhlease...</p><p></p><p>And HE called HER and said "I never want you to call me again" - sorry, doesn't wash.</p><p></p><p>None of this sounds like the real truth. Sorry. And then to find out he still didn't tell you all of it - I don't think he could lie straight in bed.</p><p></p><p>But don't call him. Ignore him. You're both taking 'cooling off' time now anyway, just leave him. The more you DON'T interfere, the more he seems to dig himself in, without any help from you. Don't give him the slightest chance to say, "After my wife rang, I just went berserk, I didn't know what to do, I figured it's all over anyway so I hit the cathouse..." or whatever.</p><p></p><p>And as for the girl, who doesn't sound the most stable - after what you said earlier about how he has treated her, I'm not surprised. You need to sit him down and make him watch that lovely movie with Michael Douglas and Glenn Close.</p><p></p><p>And just how lesbian is this lesbian friend, if she was in his bed?</p><p></p><p>I'm really, morbidly curious about this - why would the girlfriend being there, drunk, and seeing P in his bed, foul things up between Dave & P? Even if she woke up and saw the exchange (if he's right and there was nothing going on other than him trying to sober up a friend) - why should P care? he's separated from his wife (who doesn't understand him), she's a lesbian anyway, she already thinks he's a good bloke who's misunderstood - what could have been wrong about that scenario from P's point of view? Seriously? Unless it wasn't that scenario being painted at all, and whatever he's told P would have been shown up to be a big fat lie if she woke up. When she woke up.</p><p></p><p>There is a whole lot here that just isn't giving the right number when you add it all up.</p><p></p><p>The trouble with lies, is that they compound. The more creative you get with the truth,. the harder it is to keep it all straight as life gets more complicated. And the more lies you tell, the more complicated life gets...</p><p></p><p>I do feel sorry for this girlfriend, though. I'm not saying she's white as snow, but if you can look at the whole situation from her perspective, I think it brings you closer to the real truth, the one he's not telling anyone - let's see how well I can remember.</p><p>She's out somewhere on the town with her mother. Sees an attractive man. Maybe she already knows him - never got that detail - but as far as she is led to believe, he is separated from his wife. Maybe even thoroughly single (ie not going through divorce proceedings). Certainly she has no idea he still claims to be happily married (to his wife). So she goes out with him. She gets involved. She likes him (smooth talker). Then he tells her, "Sorry, I AM married, she's found out about us, I want to work on things with my wife. It's over." (I'm being kind to him here, he said he had ended it).</p><p>Alternative truth here - she discovers the louse is still married (maybe she followed him home, saw you both together? We know she follows him) and SHE tells HIM to take a long walk off a short pier. He then tells you that he found her too whiny (which she probably is, if she goes out and gets drunk enough to get picked up by the cops). It's his way of saving face with himself (since you don't know where the truth lies in this and if he has any control over it, you won't). </p><p>Then you chuck him out. Because this drama queen of a man has been pouring his heart out to anyone who will listen, that he only had an affair because his wife doesn't understand him (= she is cold, she is uninterested, she doesn't fall on the ground foaming at the mouth in delight when I walk in the door). And of course, he tells people this for two reasons - first, he wants to get his version of events in first because OF COURSE you'll blab it everywhere (judging you by his standards); and he loves the drama and the attention, it makes him feel loved, this poor, emotion-starved scrap of human misery. And of course, because she is so attentive, she is on of the first he tells this to. And every word is a joy to her ears, she could win this man for herself after all - at last! Years of being lonely are at last over...</p><p>So now he decides to move out (not your idea at all). He moves in with friend who will understand (ie friend who has only heard his side of the story, which makes you out to be a selfish, cold ogress). Of course, to friend (P) he never really did have an affair, and if he did it's all over anyway. If ex-girlfriend knows anything at all about where he's living (because he won't tell her, for some strange reason) it is that he is living with "a mate".</p><p>I have doubts about P, but I'm letting it stand for now. She is a tad too sympathetic for a standard lesbian maid, most of whom would rip a guy to shreds if he did anything like this to one of her sisters. But maybe she's not a true 'sister'.</p><p>So ex-girlfriend knows he has moved out, she has followed him to his flat and also checked out your place. She thinks there is hope. Maybe he gives her hope - a bloke who has a girl throwing herself at him and who is now considering himself a free agent, will generally take whatever is offered.</p><p>But this is a girl who isn't interested in casual sex - she wants commitment. (Now we KNOW she is crazy - commitment from HIM?) And he isn't interested in commitment. Clearly.</p><p>So what is going through her mind? She is distraught, he has betrayed her too many times. First he says he's single. Then he says he's married. Then he IS single. Then he says he STILL isn't interested in a relationship with her but will happily take all the sex he can get - a woman copping this would feel used, angry, emotional and use everything she has to make him look after her - she will become NEEDY. Isn't it poetic justice? HE is stuck with a needy ex-girlfriend? Then he takes her home to his place (maybe she nagged him into it) and she sees a WOMAN in his bed (and I suspect he let her see P, deliberately) and she storms out on him. Again. Probably making threats of castration, etc. I know I would have, in her shoes. So NOW he thinks, maybe I need a protection order... but he's done it all to himself.</p><p></p><p>A woman I know very well could be the twin of this woman. Not married until her late thirties because she has standards; then falls for an abusive, manipulative, lying so-and-so and ends up as a battered wife who will still put up with it rather than be single again. Until her husband finally realises that the ultimate cruelty he can inflict is to leave her.</p><p></p><p>This woman is a mess. How much of a mess she was before your husband played with her, I couldn't say, but she is now a lot worse off, I suspect. And I think he is stuck with her in his life for some time to come. Good.</p><p></p><p>Thus ends my amateurish analysis. Feel free to use it in your novel.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Now to stop my rambling. You've had some good advice so far. Now to summarise and add my own -</p><p></p><p>1) Consult a lawyer before you do ANYTHING, and that includes talking to him. If he can lie about stuff like this, then he can lie about "Don't worry, I won't take advantage of you." How does he define this?</p><p></p><p>2) Don't contact him. Leave him alone. BBK is right about the stupid tree; whoever mentioned train wrecks is also on the money.</p><p></p><p>3) Make sure you are safe. I don't think you need worry too much about girlfriend, but it won't hurt to keep an extra eye open and to take precautions.</p><p></p><p>4) And my final suggestion - take notes. Take detailed notes. Do some character sketches on the other players in this; the lesbian flatmate who shares his bed; the other friend he talks to before he talks to you, tells her more 'truth' than he tells you; the distraught girlfriend who somehow feels this guy is actually worth the chase; the cops who have to handle all this.</p><p>Then put it all into a novel. It will outsell Jackie Collins, I guarantee you.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 75922, member: 1991"] So one minute he is complaining about her stalking him and wanting to put a restraining order on her, and THEN he picks her up when she makes a drunken call from the cop shop? Puhlease... And HE called HER and said "I never want you to call me again" - sorry, doesn't wash. None of this sounds like the real truth. Sorry. And then to find out he still didn't tell you all of it - I don't think he could lie straight in bed. But don't call him. Ignore him. You're both taking 'cooling off' time now anyway, just leave him. The more you DON'T interfere, the more he seems to dig himself in, without any help from you. Don't give him the slightest chance to say, "After my wife rang, I just went berserk, I didn't know what to do, I figured it's all over anyway so I hit the cathouse..." or whatever. And as for the girl, who doesn't sound the most stable - after what you said earlier about how he has treated her, I'm not surprised. You need to sit him down and make him watch that lovely movie with Michael Douglas and Glenn Close. And just how lesbian is this lesbian friend, if she was in his bed? I'm really, morbidly curious about this - why would the girlfriend being there, drunk, and seeing P in his bed, foul things up between Dave & P? Even if she woke up and saw the exchange (if he's right and there was nothing going on other than him trying to sober up a friend) - why should P care? he's separated from his wife (who doesn't understand him), she's a lesbian anyway, she already thinks he's a good bloke who's misunderstood - what could have been wrong about that scenario from P's point of view? Seriously? Unless it wasn't that scenario being painted at all, and whatever he's told P would have been shown up to be a big fat lie if she woke up. When she woke up. There is a whole lot here that just isn't giving the right number when you add it all up. The trouble with lies, is that they compound. The more creative you get with the truth,. the harder it is to keep it all straight as life gets more complicated. And the more lies you tell, the more complicated life gets... I do feel sorry for this girlfriend, though. I'm not saying she's white as snow, but if you can look at the whole situation from her perspective, I think it brings you closer to the real truth, the one he's not telling anyone - let's see how well I can remember. She's out somewhere on the town with her mother. Sees an attractive man. Maybe she already knows him - never got that detail - but as far as she is led to believe, he is separated from his wife. Maybe even thoroughly single (ie not going through divorce proceedings). Certainly she has no idea he still claims to be happily married (to his wife). So she goes out with him. She gets involved. She likes him (smooth talker). Then he tells her, "Sorry, I AM married, she's found out about us, I want to work on things with my wife. It's over." (I'm being kind to him here, he said he had ended it). Alternative truth here - she discovers the louse is still married (maybe she followed him home, saw you both together? We know she follows him) and SHE tells HIM to take a long walk off a short pier. He then tells you that he found her too whiny (which she probably is, if she goes out and gets drunk enough to get picked up by the cops). It's his way of saving face with himself (since you don't know where the truth lies in this and if he has any control over it, you won't). Then you chuck him out. Because this drama queen of a man has been pouring his heart out to anyone who will listen, that he only had an affair because his wife doesn't understand him (= she is cold, she is uninterested, she doesn't fall on the ground foaming at the mouth in delight when I walk in the door). And of course, he tells people this for two reasons - first, he wants to get his version of events in first because OF COURSE you'll blab it everywhere (judging you by his standards); and he loves the drama and the attention, it makes him feel loved, this poor, emotion-starved scrap of human misery. And of course, because she is so attentive, she is on of the first he tells this to. And every word is a joy to her ears, she could win this man for herself after all - at last! Years of being lonely are at last over... So now he decides to move out (not your idea at all). He moves in with friend who will understand (ie friend who has only heard his side of the story, which makes you out to be a selfish, cold ogress). Of course, to friend (P) he never really did have an affair, and if he did it's all over anyway. If ex-girlfriend knows anything at all about where he's living (because he won't tell her, for some strange reason) it is that he is living with "a mate". I have doubts about P, but I'm letting it stand for now. She is a tad too sympathetic for a standard lesbian maid, most of whom would rip a guy to shreds if he did anything like this to one of her sisters. But maybe she's not a true 'sister'. So ex-girlfriend knows he has moved out, she has followed him to his flat and also checked out your place. She thinks there is hope. Maybe he gives her hope - a bloke who has a girl throwing herself at him and who is now considering himself a free agent, will generally take whatever is offered. But this is a girl who isn't interested in casual sex - she wants commitment. (Now we KNOW she is crazy - commitment from HIM?) And he isn't interested in commitment. Clearly. So what is going through her mind? She is distraught, he has betrayed her too many times. First he says he's single. Then he says he's married. Then he IS single. Then he says he STILL isn't interested in a relationship with her but will happily take all the sex he can get - a woman copping this would feel used, angry, emotional and use everything she has to make him look after her - she will become NEEDY. Isn't it poetic justice? HE is stuck with a needy ex-girlfriend? Then he takes her home to his place (maybe she nagged him into it) and she sees a WOMAN in his bed (and I suspect he let her see P, deliberately) and she storms out on him. Again. Probably making threats of castration, etc. I know I would have, in her shoes. So NOW he thinks, maybe I need a protection order... but he's done it all to himself. A woman I know very well could be the twin of this woman. Not married until her late thirties because she has standards; then falls for an abusive, manipulative, lying so-and-so and ends up as a battered wife who will still put up with it rather than be single again. Until her husband finally realises that the ultimate cruelty he can inflict is to leave her. This woman is a mess. How much of a mess she was before your husband played with her, I couldn't say, but she is now a lot worse off, I suspect. And I think he is stuck with her in his life for some time to come. Good. Thus ends my amateurish analysis. Feel free to use it in your novel. Now to stop my rambling. You've had some good advice so far. Now to summarise and add my own - 1) Consult a lawyer before you do ANYTHING, and that includes talking to him. If he can lie about stuff like this, then he can lie about "Don't worry, I won't take advantage of you." How does he define this? 2) Don't contact him. Leave him alone. BBK is right about the stupid tree; whoever mentioned train wrecks is also on the money. 3) Make sure you are safe. I don't think you need worry too much about girlfriend, but it won't hurt to keep an extra eye open and to take precautions. 4) And my final suggestion - take notes. Take detailed notes. Do some character sketches on the other players in this; the lesbian flatmate who shares his bed; the other friend he talks to before he talks to you, tells her more 'truth' than he tells you; the distraught girlfriend who somehow feels this guy is actually worth the chase; the cops who have to handle all this. Then put it all into a novel. It will outsell Jackie Collins, I guarantee you. Marg [/QUOTE]
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