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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 558612" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>FWIW HR, I took a fabulous workshop a hundred or so years ago and I learned so much about men and how to communicate. Just a few points, if you're interested, I learned that they cannot 'process' info the way we can, so your bullet points are great, stay clear and focused on the task and don't go off on an emotional ride, you'll lose him. Stick to the facts. Make it short. The facilitator of this workshop was a man and he stated, "get your points across in as short a time as possible, do all processing of emotions with your girlfriends. Men are hard wired for action, results, fixing it, <em>not processing.</em>" </p><p></p><p>Having said that, my first point would be when presented with an issue or situation right in the moment to say to difficult child, <em>WE have to discuss this a</em>nd you guys take a time out. Often right in the middle of an upset, it all falls to pieces, this way it gives you time to talk later and come up with options when you can both be calm. </p><p></p><p>Another good communication tool I've learned is to lose the judgment in your voice, if there is any, I have found the other party goes south quickly. (I'm not saying you do this at all, you may not, just a point I'm making) The way you communicate it will be the difference between him hearing you and wanting to be an ally and him being defensive and ultimately stopping listening to what you have to say. Believe me after a lifetime of not being heard, I have learned a few simple things to do and it makes a world of difference. I would also let him know that <em>you need his help,</em> in the points you state, that you cannot do it alone and his input, his support, his taking over a part of the load would mean a lot to you. Not from a place of judgment and blame about what he hasn't done right, but to expand upon the things he does right, and emphasize how important his help will be with x,y and z. We have to be very clear about what we want and be able to communicate it very clearly in order to be heard and have our needs to be met. </p><p></p><p>The other parents likely have better points on the list you want, but I thought I'd throw in a few points that have helped me when I have an important communication to make where I want something and being heard is very important. I try to create an atmosphere that is safe for everyone to show up in, so that all parties feel as if they are getting heard, listening is a skill that is valuable in all successful negotiations. You may already excel in all of these things and if so you will do great! Good luck and let us know how it turns out.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 558612, member: 13542"] FWIW HR, I took a fabulous workshop a hundred or so years ago and I learned so much about men and how to communicate. Just a few points, if you're interested, I learned that they cannot 'process' info the way we can, so your bullet points are great, stay clear and focused on the task and don't go off on an emotional ride, you'll lose him. Stick to the facts. Make it short. The facilitator of this workshop was a man and he stated, "get your points across in as short a time as possible, do all processing of emotions with your girlfriends. Men are hard wired for action, results, fixing it, [I]not processing.[/I]" Having said that, my first point would be when presented with an issue or situation right in the moment to say to difficult child, [I]WE have to discuss this a[/I]nd you guys take a time out. Often right in the middle of an upset, it all falls to pieces, this way it gives you time to talk later and come up with options when you can both be calm. Another good communication tool I've learned is to lose the judgment in your voice, if there is any, I have found the other party goes south quickly. (I'm not saying you do this at all, you may not, just a point I'm making) The way you communicate it will be the difference between him hearing you and wanting to be an ally and him being defensive and ultimately stopping listening to what you have to say. Believe me after a lifetime of not being heard, I have learned a few simple things to do and it makes a world of difference. I would also let him know that [I]you need his help,[/I] in the points you state, that you cannot do it alone and his input, his support, his taking over a part of the load would mean a lot to you. Not from a place of judgment and blame about what he hasn't done right, but to expand upon the things he does right, and emphasize how important his help will be with x,y and z. We have to be very clear about what we want and be able to communicate it very clearly in order to be heard and have our needs to be met. The other parents likely have better points on the list you want, but I thought I'd throw in a few points that have helped me when I have an important communication to make where I want something and being heard is very important. I try to create an atmosphere that is safe for everyone to show up in, so that all parties feel as if they are getting heard, listening is a skill that is valuable in all successful negotiations. You may already excel in all of these things and if so you will do great! Good luck and let us know how it turns out. [/QUOTE]
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