We dont know what else to do :O( sigh

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Charmedpea, Jun 24, 2008.

  1. Charmedpea

    Charmedpea New Member

    After almost 2 yrs of husband being out of a job. He has been at his job for about 6 months. Money is easyer. Of course its tight but that income makes a big difference.

    difficult child particial hospitalization program ends this friday. So what do we do with her for the rest of the summer. she would have free to do what she wants for at least 8 hours.

    We dont trust her at all. Her ODD has been in rare form since saturday. The only option we see is husband to try and take a leave of absence till school starts up again. And hopefully they wont fire him. I feel like we dont have a choice.

    I will stay working, I carry the benefits etc threw my job. I told him I will work as much as overtime as I can to try and make up some of what he would bring in.

    Its so frustrating trying to break even. But what is the alternative. Take a chance on her behaving. I feel that we cant take a chance this is her life we are talking about and you can't put a price on it. I want to make sure we are doing everthing in our power to help her.

    I just want to keep her safe & out of trouble. If their is trouble with in a mile she will find it. :sad-very:

  2. 4sumrzn

    4sumrzn New Member

    Just my opinion......if you do not have a place for her to go to have supervision AND you don't trust her on top of it, you are doing the right thing. I gave up my job/benefits for difficult child & I am positive I did the right thing. If you can keep your benefits & offset some of the $ by working a bit more....sounds like a plan because you will know exactly where & what difficult child is doing while you are gone ;) Many {{{hugs}}, it's hard.
  3. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Charmedpea---Sometimes making decisions that are best for the family is very difficult. Could husband possibly change hours at work? Could be work from home? Are there any local programs---YMCA, etc. that difficult child could go to during the day? Just throwing some ideas out there. Think outside of the box. The answers are there somewhere.
  4. Charmedpea

    Charmedpea New Member

    We cant afford any of the other programs etc. The other reason for him leaving his job I have way more invested with mine.

    The other biggest and most important thing is he doesnt let her walk on him. she doesnt pull nearlly the **** on him, she pulls on me. she cant manipulate him the way she does me.

    I'm sure she will be thrilled once she finds out that dad will be home with her. But he does plan on keep her busy & bringing a friend of hers along so he wont board her to tears.. Like swimming, softball (batting cages). He wants to get a bike so they can go do that. He knows he has to keep her busy.

  5. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    If you are on decent terms with the school- try calling them first and see if they have any ideas or if she can come there and do something during the day. Other option- if you think she can handle it- see if the ymca has a program she can attend.
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    You've gotten some good ideas here. Clearly, she can't be left alone. Can you rearrange your hrs so your husband can take off 4 days a wk, for example, instead of taking a complete leave of absence? I know it an get complicated.
    I've got my fingers crossed for you.
  7. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    Our local YMCA has a Teen Center for kids 12 - 15 yrs old. My son loves it and it's very reasonably priced. Check around in your community and see if perhaps there's something like this available.

    Fingers crossed that it works out for you.
  8. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I understand the spot you're in, Charmed. One reason I substitute teach is because of the supervision Miss KT needed. It's a hard call.
  9. Not sure if it would work for you. Our local parks and recreation center runs a very inexpensive summer camp for teens. They don't know much about difficult child's issues since he's great there (he likes it, therefore it works). However, it's physically active and they do a lot of fun stuff.
  10. An idea. What about a Boys and Girls Club, do you have one that is near you? They have a summer program and for kids 13 years of age and older its like $10 for the year (or something like that). I know when I tried to get difficult child to go there, they asked when he would be 13 because it would be such a low rate versus the $15 day for under age 13. Most of their summer programs are available between 7am and 7pm at least around here. It's worth a try anyway and would be very economical. They also provide breakfast and lunch.

  11. change

    change New Member

    I'm in the same boat. I keep getting offers to move up in my career for a much bigger paycheck but I would be out of the classroom which means no summer break and my children would be unsupervised. I can only rely on my mother and mom-in-law so much. These are some things I've done in the past that may help you: Boys & Girls Club (be brutally honest about how much supervision she needs and tell them everything she might do), private sitter (parents from my school...usually stay-at-home immigrant moms that will work for less pay), summer parks & recreation program (they have a sliding fee and it lasts until 6pm in the summer). I hope these can help you. BIG HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    i must say our YMCA teen program was great for my son the year he went.

    Not all Y's have it though.

    Good luck, sounds like your husband has a plan with her. I had to quit several jobs several times to be at home with my difficult child. I know how hard it is to rearrange the budget.

  13. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Any decisions, CharmedPea?
  14. Christy

    Christy New Member

    Sound like a difficult situation but you are wise to provide supervision for difficult child. While I understand that it will financially impact your life, it is great that husband is willing to be a stay at home dad for the good of the family. I wish you the best and hope that husband's employer will be understanding.

  15. Charmedpea

    Charmedpea New Member

    Gezzz I was having with drawls no internet for a week. yuck..

    Well hubby got to keep his job. they are going to work with him, and they said they are slow this time of year anyway. I back to work full-time, and I'm whooped, I havent pulled those hours in a while. At one point yesturday I just stood their and was talking to my legs and feet. letting them know only a couple of more hours and you can start moving at anytime.

    difficult child is done with the PHP. They said she is the strongest ODD they have seen in a long time. Lucky me.. They increased the concerta and now they are going to change it. Because she would do great during the day and towards the evening the ADHD would rear its ugly head and make the ODD worse. The dr. looked at me and said oh it wears off in the evening.. Well that would of been great if you told me that. So until they change medications to one that works 24hours, we started giving it to her later in the morning instead of first thing. Delayed it about 3 hours. She is pretty good in the morning, and since we started doing that she has been really good.

    She did ask when is dad going to start being home.. hehe, I said oh tuesday her first day out of php. she thought I was kidding and then asked a couple of days later, why is dad home. We told her that work is slow right now so he wont be working as much. She asked us at different times to see if our story was the same.

    She still has a problem of getting home on time. And we did call the cops on her sunday night. She wouldnt get in the car and said she wont come home, and when I wanted to meet one of her friends that was going to bring her home she wouldnt let me. so as I was walking she would stand in front of me and grabbed my arm this went on for a few mins. Then she backed off. Well I found out later the only reason she backed off was because hubby was in the car behind me and he open the car door to get out. i didnt see that. But that is the only reason she backed off, husband said he thought she was going to hit me.

    she off course got mouthy once we got home husband wanted to knock her teeth in and I wanted to strangle her. But we both just Kept our quiet tone of voice and told her when she is ready to have a conversation with us in a normal tone let us know. then we went outside on the porch.

    It is so hard not to get into an argument with her. I know I wont win. She will not hear me when she is in the explosive mode, so we have learned to back off. Not push her buttons and wait till she is calm again.

    It has been 4 days since we changed the time of giving her the medications. and it has been quiet here. She has been that lovable girl all week. I dont want to ginks my self but I have to take what I can when I can.

  16. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    I'm glad the medication time change seems to have helped.

    I have a word of advice - you have obviously been through raising a teen with your easy child son. But your daughter is a difficult child and needs a tighter reign, in my opinion.

    If she is missing curfew (which at her age should be pretty early) or being disprectful, she should be grounded - no exceptions. (I have a easy child and she has yet to miss curfew, but I assure you that if she did, there would be social consequences). No social activities in the evenings for a set amount of days. A young girl, like your difficult child, should not have an open-ended stretch of time in the evening when she is out. Your difficult child, with her history of rebellion and her sucidide attempt, needs much closer supervision.

    Attempt to have your home be a place the kids like to hang. Open up your house for movies, pizza, hanging out outside in the evening, etc.

    I'm glad your husband was able to work things out with his job for being there this summer. Hope things continue on an upswing.