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<blockquote data-quote="rlsnights" data-source="post: 328070" data-attributes="member: 7948"><p>They won't prosecute him for illegal drugs? They won't prosecute him for stealing - even for stealing prescription medications? Who is he stealing from?</p><p></p><p>What's happening at school? Is he chronic truant?</p><p></p><p>I don't care what the cops say, assault is assault. If he is physically attacking ANYONE in the house and you press charges then they should have the authority to remove him at least until he goes before a judge. If the cops on scene won't do it, insist on speaking to the sergeant. If that doesn't work then the lieutenant.</p><p></p><p>Dad has my sympathy but I would hope that you all got this kind of advice (i.e. setting and keeping very clear limits, calling the police, pressing charges) several times over the last few years from everyone from cops to therapists. If you didn't then I guess I understand the shock. If you did then it's too bad you weren't able to deal with him effectively then cause it's probably way too late now. Either way Dad has to overcome his grief and deal with reality. It is only going to get uglier and more dangerous, not the other way around.</p><p></p><p>As for separating - I get that you were miserable. </p><p></p><p>Do you get that you are putting everyone in danger?</p><p></p><p>I mean as in someone being dead or seriously injured kind of danger?</p><p></p><p>Do you get that your other children could be taken away from both of you?</p><p></p><p>What happens if he comes home high with some friends who are also high and decide to cook something in a metal pan in the microwave? Or he decides you are hiding money or jewelry from him that he "should" have and hurts you or the other kids in pursuit of this hidden treasure? Decides to drive the family car while drunk or high and kills someone?</p><p></p><p>What will Dad do then?</p><p></p><p>You still need to leave or get step-son out of the home. </p><p></p><p>Only practical suggestion I have for you if you have already done all the things I listed in my first post is to change all the locks the next time he leaves. Do NOT give him a key. He can come and go when you are there and not otherwise until you work out the details of how to deal with him. I personally would not feel safe sleeping under the same roof with him.</p><p></p><p>If you haven't done the stuff I listed in my first post then you have seen NOTHING yet. Once he figures it out, he will devastate you financially using credit cards, bank accounts, anything he can get his hands on. Please do not wait for that to happen. He will bankrupt you and think nothing of it. Some people have had to legally divorce in order to limit the financial damage an out-of-control sociopath child can do to one parent so the other has a chance of holding on to housing, job, car and other kids until after the difficult child is of legal age when they can resume life as a family.</p><p></p><p>Oh yeah, put a block on your phone for all long distance and billable calls like 900 numbers. Require a code to dial long distance and do not give it to him.</p><p></p><p>As long as you let him run the show, he WILL run the show.</p><p></p><p>If he was being arrested in Indiana why wasn't he incarcerated? Does he have a record for assault there? If he has a criminal record from another state that may help you with the local cops.</p><p></p><p>I wish I thought that getting mental health treatment would work but I honestly don't think it will since he will not cooperate. Some of his behavior may be self-medication but that does not excuse it or make him less responsible for his actions. And, frankly, once they have discovered that they can self-medicate with something that makes them feel good, especially crystal meth which has a huge sexual kick that lasts for days, pretty much all you can do, in our experience, is stand back and limit the damage they can do to others any way you can. </p><p></p><p>If he hasn't gotten into crystal meth to your knowledge but has done heroine then I think you can expect him to at least try crystal meth soon. It is HIGHLY addictive and if he gets into that (very likely in my opinion) it will steamroller you. Our son was having physical fights with trashcans on the street because he was so psychotic from crystal meth that he thought they were people who wouldn't talk to him so he attacked them. This can happen with anything like heroine and crack but crystal meth is particularly known for provoking aggressive psychosis. A person high on crystal meth can kill or maim and not even know he is doing it.</p><p></p><p>You are playing with fire if you do not find a way to control his behavior. Your other children have no one else to turn to to protect them and that is where your priorities must lie.</p><p></p><p>I hope I am wrong. Others may have different experiences to share. I'm just speaking from ours.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rlsnights, post: 328070, member: 7948"] They won't prosecute him for illegal drugs? They won't prosecute him for stealing - even for stealing prescription medications? Who is he stealing from? What's happening at school? Is he chronic truant? I don't care what the cops say, assault is assault. If he is physically attacking ANYONE in the house and you press charges then they should have the authority to remove him at least until he goes before a judge. If the cops on scene won't do it, insist on speaking to the sergeant. If that doesn't work then the lieutenant. Dad has my sympathy but I would hope that you all got this kind of advice (i.e. setting and keeping very clear limits, calling the police, pressing charges) several times over the last few years from everyone from cops to therapists. If you didn't then I guess I understand the shock. If you did then it's too bad you weren't able to deal with him effectively then cause it's probably way too late now. Either way Dad has to overcome his grief and deal with reality. It is only going to get uglier and more dangerous, not the other way around. As for separating - I get that you were miserable. Do you get that you are putting everyone in danger? I mean as in someone being dead or seriously injured kind of danger? Do you get that your other children could be taken away from both of you? What happens if he comes home high with some friends who are also high and decide to cook something in a metal pan in the microwave? Or he decides you are hiding money or jewelry from him that he "should" have and hurts you or the other kids in pursuit of this hidden treasure? Decides to drive the family car while drunk or high and kills someone? What will Dad do then? You still need to leave or get step-son out of the home. Only practical suggestion I have for you if you have already done all the things I listed in my first post is to change all the locks the next time he leaves. Do NOT give him a key. He can come and go when you are there and not otherwise until you work out the details of how to deal with him. I personally would not feel safe sleeping under the same roof with him. If you haven't done the stuff I listed in my first post then you have seen NOTHING yet. Once he figures it out, he will devastate you financially using credit cards, bank accounts, anything he can get his hands on. Please do not wait for that to happen. He will bankrupt you and think nothing of it. Some people have had to legally divorce in order to limit the financial damage an out-of-control sociopath child can do to one parent so the other has a chance of holding on to housing, job, car and other kids until after the difficult child is of legal age when they can resume life as a family. Oh yeah, put a block on your phone for all long distance and billable calls like 900 numbers. Require a code to dial long distance and do not give it to him. As long as you let him run the show, he WILL run the show. If he was being arrested in Indiana why wasn't he incarcerated? Does he have a record for assault there? If he has a criminal record from another state that may help you with the local cops. I wish I thought that getting mental health treatment would work but I honestly don't think it will since he will not cooperate. Some of his behavior may be self-medication but that does not excuse it or make him less responsible for his actions. And, frankly, once they have discovered that they can self-medicate with something that makes them feel good, especially crystal meth which has a huge sexual kick that lasts for days, pretty much all you can do, in our experience, is stand back and limit the damage they can do to others any way you can. If he hasn't gotten into crystal meth to your knowledge but has done heroine then I think you can expect him to at least try crystal meth soon. It is HIGHLY addictive and if he gets into that (very likely in my opinion) it will steamroller you. Our son was having physical fights with trashcans on the street because he was so psychotic from crystal meth that he thought they were people who wouldn't talk to him so he attacked them. This can happen with anything like heroine and crack but crystal meth is particularly known for provoking aggressive psychosis. A person high on crystal meth can kill or maim and not even know he is doing it. You are playing with fire if you do not find a way to control his behavior. Your other children have no one else to turn to to protect them and that is where your priorities must lie. I hope I am wrong. Others may have different experiences to share. I'm just speaking from ours. [/QUOTE]
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