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we want son out!
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 698162" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>jetsam, he too is way too old to live with you. The exception in my opinion is if they had a job, lost it, snd are planning to move oit again ASAP and are neat and respectful while a guest. Paying late rent shouldnt allow him to live with you at his age if he doesnt work and is as rude as an angry toddler. The mistske we make in my opinion again is that this is sbout us, not them.</p><p></p><p>Except for serious illness or temp job loss, and only if they are kind and helpful, they are not being done any favors when allowed to extend their teen years to 25 or 30 years old. Butit is for us that we allow it...our guilt. How are we helping our nearly middle age adult kids make it in life when we let them live at our house while they mouth off, refuse to work or even keep clean, and act like spoiled fourteen year olds? We can not,will not be there forever. If they just lay aroynde our house playing videogames and going out at night in our cars to party (use drugs) or just stay at home without working, how are we teaching them to deal with life?</p><p></p><p>We do many things to make ourselves not feel guilty, but often they keep our adult children dependent on us even as they abuse us in our own homes.</p><p></p><p>Therapy for both parents facing this issue may help a lot. We did not have kids to let them abuse us or take our money or support them when they break the law or to "mommy" them beyond a reasonable age, even after some of thrm are also parents, often negligent parents. It is okay to tell them it's time to find their own way even if they have to use community services. And its okay to stick to your guns. You cant do life for them. They have to learn how.</p><p></p><p>Our guilt does not guide us to making good choices for our grown kids or ourselves. it hampers us, which is why therapy for us is so important. For us. So that we can love ourselves and do what is right for us, which is also usually right for them, even if it's hard.</p><p></p><p>Nobody has a right to abuse you, including your children. Would you let a spouse or friend treat you as your sons do? Abuse is abuse. Say no to abuse.</p><p></p><p>Let them go, even if they need community services to launch. Tell them you love them and know they are capable of self sufficiency. They are grown men, not that cute little biy who used to hold your hand. See them as the men they are.</p><p></p><p>Hugs for your hurting hearts. Stand strong. You are worth it. And they cant keep coming to you like children or it will never end.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 698162, member: 1550"] jetsam, he too is way too old to live with you. The exception in my opinion is if they had a job, lost it, snd are planning to move oit again ASAP and are neat and respectful while a guest. Paying late rent shouldnt allow him to live with you at his age if he doesnt work and is as rude as an angry toddler. The mistske we make in my opinion again is that this is sbout us, not them. Except for serious illness or temp job loss, and only if they are kind and helpful, they are not being done any favors when allowed to extend their teen years to 25 or 30 years old. Butit is for us that we allow it...our guilt. How are we helping our nearly middle age adult kids make it in life when we let them live at our house while they mouth off, refuse to work or even keep clean, and act like spoiled fourteen year olds? We can not,will not be there forever. If they just lay aroynde our house playing videogames and going out at night in our cars to party (use drugs) or just stay at home without working, how are we teaching them to deal with life? We do many things to make ourselves not feel guilty, but often they keep our adult children dependent on us even as they abuse us in our own homes. Therapy for both parents facing this issue may help a lot. We did not have kids to let them abuse us or take our money or support them when they break the law or to "mommy" them beyond a reasonable age, even after some of thrm are also parents, often negligent parents. It is okay to tell them it's time to find their own way even if they have to use community services. And its okay to stick to your guns. You cant do life for them. They have to learn how. Our guilt does not guide us to making good choices for our grown kids or ourselves. it hampers us, which is why therapy for us is so important. For us. So that we can love ourselves and do what is right for us, which is also usually right for them, even if it's hard. Nobody has a right to abuse you, including your children. Would you let a spouse or friend treat you as your sons do? Abuse is abuse. Say no to abuse. Let them go, even if they need community services to launch. Tell them you love them and know they are capable of self sufficiency. They are grown men, not that cute little biy who used to hold your hand. See them as the men they are. Hugs for your hurting hearts. Stand strong. You are worth it. And they cant keep coming to you like children or it will never end. [/QUOTE]
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