Kjs,
I can tell you that your story was our verbatim for our 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th and 10th grade experiences - no matter what we did or what we tried. The missing piece was difficult child - he just was not buying into any of it. Just now in the 11th grade, things are getting a little bit better. Quite honestly, I attribute that to some budding maturity - because nothing that we did with difficult child really made a difference.
However, one thing that we have gotten much, much better at is working with the school and within their rules. If I had it to do over I would absolutely be much more demanding of the school and the teachers. What's this about teachers leaving right after school and refusing to send progress reports? in my humble opinion, absolutely unacceptable! I think it's time to go to your IEP coordinator or prinicipal or whoever is in charge. If they don't respond, then you need to go to their bosses. I have done that much more on occasion and that gets results! It really helps to do the research, be armed with knowledge and calmly and persistently insist that they follow their own rules and policies. It is also helpful to have an advocate to come with you. difficult child's psychiatrist will do that and actually spends a good bit of his time in school meetings for his patients.
I used to take difficult child's refusual to "play the school game" and his lying about it personally. I have stepped back from that stance and now I know from what has been explained by the evaluations we have gotten that difficult child has been doing all that he could at the time. The lying wasn't aimed at us personally, it was a coping mechanism (a very bad one). We've been working to help him understand that much and to find other mechanisms that are more appropriate and productive for him.
The bottom line, though is that it is the school's responsibility to educate ALL children. And, remember, you pay the taxes that fund the schools and pay those teachers'salaries. I don't know how much teachers make in your neck of the woods - but their salaries are listed online here and some of ours are close to (and some are over) six figures. Teachers in our system are required to have a graduate degree or be working towards one. That's a decent income in my book and I think that means they can stay after school to meet with you at your request - and adhere to IEP's. (Personally I believe that all students should have an IEP).
Many hugs to you. You are a good Mom and are doing what you can to help your difficult child through the school process. We have been there and to some extent are still there a little bit. The difference now for us is that we've gained some understanding into what makes difficult child tick and what his issues are. He's a very bright kid, but he has issues standing it the way of letting him go the "normal route". We've let some of our earlier dreams for him go and have gotten more on track with what is more appropriate for him as a total person.
by the way, we struggle with the school ID as well.Sometimes I wonder about that school ID. difficult child is in this third year in a school of 350 kids. He is well known by all. The ID seems a little silly. I feel the same way at my job. We have 75 employees there - most who have been there over 5 years - but we get in huge trouble if we don't wear a huge ID with photo. I guess the apple doesn't fall very far from the tree :smile:
