husband and I are going through a very difficult time. Just a bunch of weird stuff including my crazy health problems and a series of unfortunate difficulties. But what troubles us the most is our best friends did something hurtful recently. Please note, I may ask a moderator to remove this thread at some point in the future.
husband and I have been VERY good friends with another couple for just shy of 30 years. We use to live in the same neighborhood. Later we moved in different directions and although we didn't see each other as often, still kept in close contact. Talked on the phone often and visited for most holidays, etc. WE both have two children, extremely similar in age as my children. The kids have been close (her daughter even accepts our difficult child as a friend). I'm best friends with the wife and my husband is very good friends with the husband. Perhaps since our family is small, they have gone out of their way to call us "like family," many many many times! She often ends telephone conversations with "I love you!" and I do the same.
You might say they are from an ethnic background. We've always enjoyed this. It has never been an issue.
They have always been a very large, close knit family. Many from my friend's immediate family are upper middle class. Others are from all walks of life. To our shock, about two years ago, there was a big argument in the extended family, directed directly toward our friends. We stuck by our friends. This actually changed things a bit...causing a certain split in the family. It was a very hard time for them.
One of their children is getting married. (The son) My best friend (the wife) told me from the beginning that she was worried that she wouldn't be able to invite everyone she was hoping to invite. I took it to mean that there was a chance I might not be invited. But, I hoped for the best. I advised her to tell people right away if they weren't going to be invited and tell them sincerely what was going on and how she felt about it. (Keep in mind, due to the split in the family, many relatives who normally would have been invited, are not getting an invitation)
However, to my surprise, not only did she not invite me and my husband, she told us on the late side. She said that her side of the family only had 85 guests to invite. Her son had 25 close friends he needed to invite, so that only left her with 60 guests of family and friends. This was somewhat understandable, but she made the mistake of letting me know, that she begged the bride's family for one more table and recently, they gave in and gave her one more table. She didn't say how many guests are per table, but she DID let me know that I still wasn't getting an invitation.
Well, that last piece of information was over the top for me. It was hard enough to know that we weren't going to get an invitation, but when she added that she got this extra table and we still weren't going to be invited....it HURT AND HURT BADLY. Hard to say for sure, but I think she is inviting 2nd and 3rd cousins. Perhaps this is a cultural thing....not sure. And she said she sent the invitations a long time ago, so there likely was already a cancellation or two. Geez. At the end of our conversation, she mentioned a relative and spouse in this other country who haven't responded and she doesn't think can afford to go and she was going to call them and insist that they respond and then she said she could get me their invitations. WHAT???? So, I politely said that we wouldn't be going...and she seemed shocked.
She called the next day and offered to take me to lunch as almost a consolation price. I said "ok," very reluctantly...honestly, I'm fairly sure I was in a state of shock!
You might say that maybe we weren't close friends. Not true! They have been dear friends, going out of their way for us, etc. Both ways. Just nice people. So....maybe this is a cultural thing.....???
Not sure. But, it does hurt.
At some point, I'm thinking of telling her that I'm hurt....but "let's move on." I think the entire thing is just so disturbing , confusing and incongruent. Can someone shed some light on this????
A growth experience...for sure!
husband and I have been VERY good friends with another couple for just shy of 30 years. We use to live in the same neighborhood. Later we moved in different directions and although we didn't see each other as often, still kept in close contact. Talked on the phone often and visited for most holidays, etc. WE both have two children, extremely similar in age as my children. The kids have been close (her daughter even accepts our difficult child as a friend). I'm best friends with the wife and my husband is very good friends with the husband. Perhaps since our family is small, they have gone out of their way to call us "like family," many many many times! She often ends telephone conversations with "I love you!" and I do the same.
You might say they are from an ethnic background. We've always enjoyed this. It has never been an issue.
They have always been a very large, close knit family. Many from my friend's immediate family are upper middle class. Others are from all walks of life. To our shock, about two years ago, there was a big argument in the extended family, directed directly toward our friends. We stuck by our friends. This actually changed things a bit...causing a certain split in the family. It was a very hard time for them.
One of their children is getting married. (The son) My best friend (the wife) told me from the beginning that she was worried that she wouldn't be able to invite everyone she was hoping to invite. I took it to mean that there was a chance I might not be invited. But, I hoped for the best. I advised her to tell people right away if they weren't going to be invited and tell them sincerely what was going on and how she felt about it. (Keep in mind, due to the split in the family, many relatives who normally would have been invited, are not getting an invitation)
However, to my surprise, not only did she not invite me and my husband, she told us on the late side. She said that her side of the family only had 85 guests to invite. Her son had 25 close friends he needed to invite, so that only left her with 60 guests of family and friends. This was somewhat understandable, but she made the mistake of letting me know, that she begged the bride's family for one more table and recently, they gave in and gave her one more table. She didn't say how many guests are per table, but she DID let me know that I still wasn't getting an invitation.
Well, that last piece of information was over the top for me. It was hard enough to know that we weren't going to get an invitation, but when she added that she got this extra table and we still weren't going to be invited....it HURT AND HURT BADLY. Hard to say for sure, but I think she is inviting 2nd and 3rd cousins. Perhaps this is a cultural thing....not sure. And she said she sent the invitations a long time ago, so there likely was already a cancellation or two. Geez. At the end of our conversation, she mentioned a relative and spouse in this other country who haven't responded and she doesn't think can afford to go and she was going to call them and insist that they respond and then she said she could get me their invitations. WHAT???? So, I politely said that we wouldn't be going...and she seemed shocked.
She called the next day and offered to take me to lunch as almost a consolation price. I said "ok," very reluctantly...honestly, I'm fairly sure I was in a state of shock!
You might say that maybe we weren't close friends. Not true! They have been dear friends, going out of their way for us, etc. Both ways. Just nice people. So....maybe this is a cultural thing.....???
Not sure. But, it does hurt.
At some point, I'm thinking of telling her that I'm hurt....but "let's move on." I think the entire thing is just so disturbing , confusing and incongruent. Can someone shed some light on this????
A growth experience...for sure!
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