Weird therapist meeting


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So, difficult child had been soooooo good lately, and working so hard doing chores, washing the car, filling it with gas, being polite, setting the table, never missing a day of school.
Then it all went away.
He has missed 2-1/2 days of school for cold/sinus issues. Fine, except that he's up, dressed, coat on, ready to go, and husband leaves for the gym at 6 a.m.... and difficult child sits down in front of the TV and plays video games all day. (I slept until 6:15 and saw him; he said he was sick. I had no idea until that night that he had his coat on and was ready to go.)
He got his official drivers license.
He got his own job at McDonald's.
He's been snotty and rude.
He's had friends over constantly--even overnight--with-o permission, but have you tried waking up teenage boys at 10 p.m. when they're sacked out on the couch? They're like dead people.
He stopped doing chores.
He gets his friends to do his chores for him. (!!!)
You get the idea.
So we go to therapy. What's up? We ask.
He starts to cry and says, I tried to do all that good stuff and behave but it was just too much work, so I gave up.
That's his black-and-white thinking again. Just a bit more complicated than it was when he was 3.
He had dinner with us last night and was in a pleasant mood. We're working on it. One. Day. At. A. Time.


Well-Known Member
Black or white. All or nothing. If it doesn't go like you wish, then nothing matters. And certainly not telling what is bothering you but acting out instead.

Yeah, kind of rings the bell.

For mine I have always considered it to be about perfectionism and anxiety because of that, but could also be cognitive, simply not being able to form the idea of middle ground.

And I have to say I kind of can relate. There may have been someone called SuZ good thirty years ago who refused to write even her name onto the exam paper, because there was a question that wasn't covered in material given to us. Very small question mind you, but who wants to get 95 % when one can't get 100 % and can always take 0 %?

Wiped Out

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Staff member
Sorry things have gotten so rough again. Hopefully he can get off some of the all or nothing thinking. One. day. at. a. time. is right and I'm sure frustrating as well especially after having seen such great improvements. (((hugs)))


Well-Known Member
I find a tendency to get pulled into difficult child's swings. I get too optimistic when things are going good, and too negative when he hits a bump. Undoing years of maladaptive traits isn't going to be a straight-line proposition. There WILL be bumps. He's gotten past them before, he can do it again. But it isn't any fun for difficult child's mom...