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Well I Knew It Would Happen Sooner Or Later....
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 666811" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I am writing without experience as a parent in a custody arrangement and without any legal knowledge whatsoever. I was a child in this situation. I was traumatized by a visit from my father after a period of years not seeing him. Anything I write is filtered by that.</p><p></p><p>From my highly personal perspective, I would urge you to do whatever you can to avoid such a visit.</p><p></p><p>To see her father might be traumatizing after such a long time. He seems to not be considering the effect on her of his own wishes.</p><p></p><p>From the child's perspective, if she has to see him, better there not be a meeting alone with him. Be present. Better still, no meeting at all.</p><p></p><p>My parents divorced when I was 8. When I was 11 or so, my father dropped out of sight to avoid paying child support and left the state where we lived. There was no contact. As far as I knew for most of that time, he was dead.</p><p></p><p>When I was about 15 or 16 or so he returned to our state. The district attorney had located him and garnished child support from his payroll checks.</p><p></p><p>One day, I got off the school bus and there he was, with my then 7 year old half brother. I had not seen him or heard from him in nearly 6 years. I had not seen my brother since he was one year old.</p><p></p><p>I was stunned. My sister, 5 years younger, was getting off her school bus at the same time. To protect her, I told her to run along home.</p><p></p><p>I went into the car with him. I still feel, now, my horror. He looked different. Dissipated. He was nothing like I had fantasized him to be.</p><p></p><p>In those 5 or 6 years I had developed. I had a sweater set on. He looked at my bust and said, "You look good, Copa." I remember like it was yesterday. It was about 50 years ago.</p><p></p><p>My mother wanted child support...but my father went to court to request to be exempt from it...because my mother did not want to allow him visitation. Maybe that is why he showed up out of the blue. We went to court. I remember to this day, talking in chambers with the judge with my sister.</p><p></p><p>Neither my mother or my father put us first. My mother never really thought about our welfare and how we would be affected, if it cost her anything. She wanted the money, so we went to court. My father, either. He never thought once about the effect on us. He did not want to pay child support. We went to court.</p><p></p><p>I do not remember who won. Isn't that funny? I only remember that I lost.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 666811, member: 18958"] I am writing without experience as a parent in a custody arrangement and without any legal knowledge whatsoever. I was a child in this situation. I was traumatized by a visit from my father after a period of years not seeing him. Anything I write is filtered by that. From my highly personal perspective, I would urge you to do whatever you can to avoid such a visit. To see her father might be traumatizing after such a long time. He seems to not be considering the effect on her of his own wishes. From the child's perspective, if she has to see him, better there not be a meeting alone with him. Be present. Better still, no meeting at all. My parents divorced when I was 8. When I was 11 or so, my father dropped out of sight to avoid paying child support and left the state where we lived. There was no contact. As far as I knew for most of that time, he was dead. When I was about 15 or 16 or so he returned to our state. The district attorney had located him and garnished child support from his payroll checks. One day, I got off the school bus and there he was, with my then 7 year old half brother. I had not seen him or heard from him in nearly 6 years. I had not seen my brother since he was one year old. I was stunned. My sister, 5 years younger, was getting off her school bus at the same time. To protect her, I told her to run along home. I went into the car with him. I still feel, now, my horror. He looked different. Dissipated. He was nothing like I had fantasized him to be. In those 5 or 6 years I had developed. I had a sweater set on. He looked at my bust and said, "You look good, Copa." I remember like it was yesterday. It was about 50 years ago. My mother wanted child support...but my father went to court to request to be exempt from it...because my mother did not want to allow him visitation. Maybe that is why he showed up out of the blue. We went to court. I remember to this day, talking in chambers with the judge with my sister. Neither my mother or my father put us first. My mother never really thought about our welfare and how we would be affected, if it cost her anything. She wanted the money, so we went to court. My father, either. He never thought once about the effect on us. He did not want to pay child support. We went to court. I do not remember who won. Isn't that funny? I only remember that I lost. [/QUOTE]
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