Well, it was nice while it lasted

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by AmericanGirl, Apr 12, 2013.

  1. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Member

    Well, it was nice while it lasted...

    difficult child's car was at H's house last night. (H is a bad influence and one of the two people I said were dealbreakers when I let difficult child move back in after the sober house.) I called difficult child. He lied.

    I check his story out this morning. He has been calling this idiot for the last 3 weeks. I change my locks, passwords, etc. and head out to buy mace at the request of my sponsor. When I come home, I accidentally trip the alarm. Surprised to see the police after I talked with the alarm company cause that isn't normal.

    It was an officer I see at church but don't really know. He said he knew difficult child was off track again and figured it was him who tripped alarm. Told me he had pulled over a car recently and difficult child was in the back. Shady situation. He actually talked with difficult child and told him he was off-track. difficult child denied. Officer says where difficult child has been sleeping is a problem place. We talked and he offered to search difficult child's car. Found marijuana leaves and a pair of scissors with residue. No one is being charged but now I know. I'm actually grateful I tripped alarm and they called police.

    I asked both officers to please look this way when they make patrols and to take him to jail if they think he needs to go.

    Texted difficult child to say..."I know you lied, I need to think. Alarm is on. Don't come to house. Call me tomorrow after 12 noon." Told the officers I was going to pack up some of his things and meet him at a fast food place tomorrow. There is a local place where he can go. I'm going to print out info and put in suitcase.

    I don't regret allowing him to move back in 3 months ago. He made progress in several ways but just isn't ready to stay away from the idiots and drugs in this world. I don't know anything else to do. It is up to difficult child.

    Asking for prayers for my sanity and peace.
  2. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member


    I'm really sorry. You are amazing to me, instead of wallowing in your pain which I have been know to do, you take al the right steps to protect yourself and reset the boundaries. I'm glad you have concerned police that look out for you and difficult child, and care enough to try to talk to difficult child.

    I know how sad this makes you, it was not too long ago that you were so hopeful and grateful for his turn around. I have been there, it's gut wrenching. You have seen the well side of him and it is so hard to imagine him going back.

    As bad as this sounds keep in mind that he also has seen the other side of this disease and he knows how to get it back, it's just a matter of him wanting it bad enough.

    Holding you close in my thoughts.
  3. Zardo

    Zardo Member

    I am also very sorry. It's so easy to be sucked in by them sometimes - I have been fooled in the past to thinking my difficult child was doing well - even congratulating him - later to find out he was worse than ever. It's so exhausting - disappointing - infuriating etc. Keep standing up for what u need for yourself.
  4. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry. You are one powerful, strong woman.

    Has difficult child been attending meetings regularly and does he have a sponsor? I believe men need to work, and men with SA issues need to work even more - idle hands and all that. I remember you said his last job ended and he was looking for another. Idiots have some kind of weird pull on our difficult child's - even though your son is so smart, he fell into the same hole again.

    Like Nancy, I think he's seen the bright side of sobriety and all the benefits it brings, and he will surely get back on track. Your police officers seem like great guys - you are very fortunate to have so many angels hovering around you.

    In the meantime, stay focused, stay strong. I know you're disappointed, but I think he WILL find his way back. He's still so young, not that it's any excuse, but young guys especially think that the rules don't apply to them, and they think they're so smart they can skirt those rules and never get caught.

    In the meantime, hugs and love are sent your way. Stay safe.
  5. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Member

    Thank you all for your kind words. I'm just so sad. Probably not wise to be watching Life of Pi this afternoon, huh?

    It's like I have two sons - one I adore who is kind and smart and full of promise. The other one is dark and doesn't care about anyone, especially himself.

    CJ, difficult child hasn't been attending meetings. His job prevented him from all within 50-60 miles. He hasn't worked in two weeks. Was hired last week at a local fast food place but hasn't started. Where he is living is within easy walking distance of there and his therapist.

    you are right, he thinks he is brighter than everyone else.

    I don't see any other choice but to tell him he is on his own. He's up now and I'm sure has read my text.

    my sponsor suggested I block his phone from making calls. Less likelihood he will use for drugs if he has to leave a text trail. Not turning it off now as it gives me some comfort to track him.

    *Thanks again. Just hurts a lot. Again.
  6. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Oh AG I am so sorry.... you are amazing in your clarity. Hold on to that and keep getting support here and from alanon. Your plan sounds like a good one. I have learned there are many twists and turns on this journey we are all on. all we can do is to continue to let them know we love them but wont enable them. It is the hardest thing in the world to tell them they are on their own but sometimes it is our only choice... because anything else will help them continue with their self destruction. And eventually they get tired and worn out and look for help... and if they know you love them they will turn to you when they want that help. At least that has been my experience so far.

  7. buddy

    buddy New Member

    AG, just sending hugs and support. I read both threads and am proud of you for all the steps you take to set limits and push him forward.