It's kind of stupid to hurt yourself purely to "get at" someone else. "I'm angry with you - look, I just punched myself in the face to prove it." Yeah, right. So what's the point, kid?
However, a kid who is cutting or similar, is a kid who is hurting inside so badly, he wants to see the physical evidence match. If he can see blood then he knows he has a right to feel the pain, somehow. But that is all about what is inside the person, it has absolutely nothing to do with anybody else. Blaming someone else doesn't come into it, all he is trying to do when he blames you, is try to make you (or anyone else) share his pain. Maybe because it feels too big for just one person?
Again, stupid. Because there are MUCH better things you can do when you feel in so much pain.
Don't ask him to put alcohol or peroxide on it - all you are doing is giving him the wrong sort of attention. Instead, force him to own his own pain and not try to foist it onto anyone else. part of that is to drag him to the doctor everyt ime he does this, and ask the doctor to help.
His cutting is not your problem. It is HIS problem. Of course you care, but what on earth can you be expected to do?
easy child 2/difficult child 2 and difficult child 1 used to cut a lot, especially easy child 2/difficult child 2. She was secretive about it and now has permanent scars. One day she hopes to be a teacher; I wonder what her students will think when they see the narrow white lines on her wrists.
We never intervened medically; I wasn't permitted to know, she would have refused to admit to it (even in the face of such obvious evidence). we could have helped her, but she would have refused to acknowledge.
What you refuse to acknowledge, you cannot change.
My kids have grown beyond the need to cut. I wish we would have helped easy child 2/difficult child 2 sooner, but we WERE able to help difficult child 1 - he takes Zoloft (which I know a lot of people don't like) but he found to his surprise it helped him in other ways he hadn't expected. His anxiety was causing him a lot more trouble than any of us realised, he really does need those medications, they help him cope with a great deal. He has grown so much, achieved more than he ever thought he would and is really enjoying life now. He finally is off disability, he is working, he has just married a lovely girl who understands him well. And his medications have made this possible. Plus his own efforts, once he could see his way out of the confusing mess he felt he was in.
It's horrible being a teen. It's even worse when you have problems you don't want to let anyone know about, or problems you feel ashamed of. That's when you feel nobody understands you and that only makes the pain worse.
Your difficult child needs to know that there are better ways to deal with the pain, than to deny that it is HIS problem.
You do not deserve any of this, klmno. It is NOT your fault. In fact, it isn't anybody's fault. Sometimes blame just shouldn't come into it. Sometimes people just hurt inside, and need to ask for help to make the hurt go away.
Feel free to PM me if you want. Let's hope it isn't long before your difficult child wakes up to himself and does the mature thing and asks for help, instead of trying to find someone else to take responsibility.
Marg