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Well, that settles that!
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 471017"><p>Gosh it does seem like a huge issue for some of our difficult children is hanging onto relationships!! This has been really true of my son.... I have liked his 2 major girlfriends but a major issue was even when they had started the cycle of breaking up, getting back together they always wanted to "help" him. And that help for him always meant hope and possibility that they would stay together... I would see him do major manipulative stuff to keep them in his corner and they would and the cycle would continue.... and everytime there was a major breakup he would fall apart and do some really stupid stuff or get suicidal. I think with the latest girlfriend she is now with someone else so it is finally over and that is the only reason he agreed to go out of state.... but man if she indicates in any way she wants to get back together he will come running (I think anyway). </p><p></p><p>So even when the boyfriend or girlfriend is not a drug user that need for that relationship I think gets in the way of their recovery. I think really to fully get recovery you need to face being alone and that is hard.</p><p></p><p>Kathy - you are doing the right thing. My hope is that she is trying in some way to push your buttons and see if you will support her going to live with her boyfriend.... kind of testing the waters... but that she is also thinking of the option of going to a halfway house. So this is the time to be strong and clear so that she knows she will not have any financial support if she goes with the boyfriend option.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 471017"] Gosh it does seem like a huge issue for some of our difficult children is hanging onto relationships!! This has been really true of my son.... I have liked his 2 major girlfriends but a major issue was even when they had started the cycle of breaking up, getting back together they always wanted to "help" him. And that help for him always meant hope and possibility that they would stay together... I would see him do major manipulative stuff to keep them in his corner and they would and the cycle would continue.... and everytime there was a major breakup he would fall apart and do some really stupid stuff or get suicidal. I think with the latest girlfriend she is now with someone else so it is finally over and that is the only reason he agreed to go out of state.... but man if she indicates in any way she wants to get back together he will come running (I think anyway). So even when the boyfriend or girlfriend is not a drug user that need for that relationship I think gets in the way of their recovery. I think really to fully get recovery you need to face being alone and that is hard. Kathy - you are doing the right thing. My hope is that she is trying in some way to push your buttons and see if you will support her going to live with her boyfriend.... kind of testing the waters... but that she is also thinking of the option of going to a halfway house. So this is the time to be strong and clear so that she knows she will not have any financial support if she goes with the boyfriend option. TL [/QUOTE]
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