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<blockquote data-quote="timer lady" data-source="post: 145675" data-attributes="member: 393"><p><span style="color: Teal"><strong>Vickie,</strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Teal"><strong></strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Teal"><strong>You AND husband, heck your entire family, home life have been splintered for a long time now. I recognize it - husband & I went through similar (not the same) but similar circumstances almost 2 years ago when kt went into Residential Treatment Center (RTC). That was the final straw for husband & myself.</strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Teal"><strong></strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Teal"><strong>I was exhausted & traveling a great deal as my mother was terminally ill. husband was holding the fort down here - going between Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for kt & group home for wm. When I was home it was work, appts, every type of you can imagine for one tweedle or the next - then husband fell apart & started drinking heavily. </strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Teal"><strong></strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Teal"><strong>I had no where to go - no one to turn to..... it was too much. In the end, I told husband he had to choose between alcohol & family. Well, he chose family & I took him to be admitted for detox & rehab. He was angry & I walked away from the hospital in relief having no idea what happened next.</strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Teal"><strong></strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Teal"><strong>What happened next was that I kenneled Sally, called Residential Treatment Center (RTC) & group home & told them I was leaving town for a few days, took 4 days of vacation from work & left town. I went to visit my mother, sisters & SILs - just needed other mothers to lean on...just for a bit. </strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Teal"><strong></strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Teal"><strong>I had never had a better, more mind clearing time. The six of us golfed (my mom was still well enough to do that), ate desserts, drank wine & talked. Not just about my situation but about how my beloved mom & sisters dealt with overwhelming family circumstances. For the life of me I can't remember much of what had been said - what I remember is that time of healing. That time of being together & being there for each other. I garnered strength from these women, a calmness & wisdom. </strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Teal"><strong></strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Teal"><strong>The one thing I remember as I left for home is that the headstone of my immediate family had been cracked-splintered. By mental illness, stress, addiction, isolation.... husband & I had lost our way. We didn't know each other anymore as we were buried in guilt over what we couldn't do for our children. It was never enough. The feelings of failure had taken me to my knees.</strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Teal"><strong></strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Teal"><strong>Having said that, my long drive home included ideas. Whether they would be accepted or not was really the deciding factor for me. By the time I got home husband had been discharged from the hospital to rehab. He had agreed to the entire program knowing how much was on the line.</strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Teal"><strong></strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Teal"><strong>husband & I spent the next 9 months in counseling. (We still go on an occasional basis.) husband & I had agreed that if our little family was going to survive we had to be a strong couple & we needed to take the time now, while kt & wm were safe & being cared for in their little worlds. In the end & after many many painful yet enlightening sessions husband & I had completed marriage counseling & felt stronger as a couple than we ever have. </strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Teal"><strong></strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Teal"><strong>While in those sessions we worked out our family dynamics. We knew the dynamics before the critical summer of 2006 would no longer do. husband & I set that plan in motion.</strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Teal"><strong></strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Teal"><strong>If you've read this far (sorry) you'll know that while we still stumble, husband & I have a far healthier relationship. Our marriage comes first - it has to if our children are going to have a whole healthy family. </strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Teal"><strong></strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Teal"><strong>During my recent illness, I've heard more times from the tweedles team members not to worry - to take care of me. If I'm not healthy the tweedles won't have the mom they need so sorely. </strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Teal"><strong></strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Teal"><strong>You see where I'm going - I know you do. This was time for you & husband. While your son coming home for a bit might be acceptable, the entire family is too much. You, husband - everyone is too fragile to bring in "outsiders" into this situation. It's not being selfish. It's being self caring. </strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Teal"><strong></strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Teal"><strong></strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Teal"><strong></strong></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="timer lady, post: 145675, member: 393"] [COLOR=Teal][B]Vickie, You AND husband, heck your entire family, home life have been splintered for a long time now. I recognize it - husband & I went through similar (not the same) but similar circumstances almost 2 years ago when kt went into Residential Treatment Center (RTC). That was the final straw for husband & myself. I was exhausted & traveling a great deal as my mother was terminally ill. husband was holding the fort down here - going between Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for kt & group home for wm. When I was home it was work, appts, every type of you can imagine for one tweedle or the next - then husband fell apart & started drinking heavily. I had no where to go - no one to turn to..... it was too much. In the end, I told husband he had to choose between alcohol & family. Well, he chose family & I took him to be admitted for detox & rehab. He was angry & I walked away from the hospital in relief having no idea what happened next. What happened next was that I kenneled Sally, called Residential Treatment Center (RTC) & group home & told them I was leaving town for a few days, took 4 days of vacation from work & left town. I went to visit my mother, sisters & SILs - just needed other mothers to lean on...just for a bit. I had never had a better, more mind clearing time. The six of us golfed (my mom was still well enough to do that), ate desserts, drank wine & talked. Not just about my situation but about how my beloved mom & sisters dealt with overwhelming family circumstances. For the life of me I can't remember much of what had been said - what I remember is that time of healing. That time of being together & being there for each other. I garnered strength from these women, a calmness & wisdom. The one thing I remember as I left for home is that the headstone of my immediate family had been cracked-splintered. By mental illness, stress, addiction, isolation.... husband & I had lost our way. We didn't know each other anymore as we were buried in guilt over what we couldn't do for our children. It was never enough. The feelings of failure had taken me to my knees. Having said that, my long drive home included ideas. Whether they would be accepted or not was really the deciding factor for me. By the time I got home husband had been discharged from the hospital to rehab. He had agreed to the entire program knowing how much was on the line. husband & I spent the next 9 months in counseling. (We still go on an occasional basis.) husband & I had agreed that if our little family was going to survive we had to be a strong couple & we needed to take the time now, while kt & wm were safe & being cared for in their little worlds. In the end & after many many painful yet enlightening sessions husband & I had completed marriage counseling & felt stronger as a couple than we ever have. While in those sessions we worked out our family dynamics. We knew the dynamics before the critical summer of 2006 would no longer do. husband & I set that plan in motion. If you've read this far (sorry) you'll know that while we still stumble, husband & I have a far healthier relationship. Our marriage comes first - it has to if our children are going to have a whole healthy family. During my recent illness, I've heard more times from the tweedles team members not to worry - to take care of me. If I'm not healthy the tweedles won't have the mom they need so sorely. You see where I'm going - I know you do. This was time for you & husband. While your son coming home for a bit might be acceptable, the entire family is too much. You, husband - everyone is too fragile to bring in "outsiders" into this situation. It's not being selfish. It's being self caring. [/B][/COLOR] [/QUOTE]
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