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Parent Emeritus
Well, this hasnt happened for a while. Stunned.
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 692924" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>I am sorry SWOT. I know that must hurt. Like we discuss on this forum in so many situations, we cannot save people or make their worlds right for them. If they cannot accept what we decide to give, that doesn't mean we need to give more or do something different. This is the very meat of boundary work. He stepped way way over a boundary last night that was already very very generous. To me, that is a signal to further move the boundary...toward you. </p><p></p><p>In time he can hear from you about why or through your actions, he will experience it. You don't even have to say anything. </p><p></p><p>Staying up late is putting yourself out for someone else if that isn't what you normally do. Listening to someone rant and rave about their problems is something I rarely choose to do anymore. Last night (very small example) Difficult Child called me and wanted to tell me how unfair Home Depot had been to him not wanting to take a lifetime guaranteed tool back. I am okay with listening to a short mention of something like that but I have little interest in a long discussion about it and quite frankly that is life so deal with it is my feeling especially with a Difficult Child. I know your situation is way different here SWOT but I find that I will very shortly say oh wow someone is at the door I'm sure you will figure it out honey.</p><p></p><p>Being empathetic and caring to someone is one thing but being their go to person for a bunch of emotional hand holding and ranting and raving for me is just something I'm not interested in doing much anymore. I think I got my fill of it after being way too involved with people like that for years and years.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there and take your power back here. Having said that I hope the hearing goes well today for your precious grandchild. Warm hugs SWOT.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 692924, member: 17542"] I am sorry SWOT. I know that must hurt. Like we discuss on this forum in so many situations, we cannot save people or make their worlds right for them. If they cannot accept what we decide to give, that doesn't mean we need to give more or do something different. This is the very meat of boundary work. He stepped way way over a boundary last night that was already very very generous. To me, that is a signal to further move the boundary...toward you. In time he can hear from you about why or through your actions, he will experience it. You don't even have to say anything. Staying up late is putting yourself out for someone else if that isn't what you normally do. Listening to someone rant and rave about their problems is something I rarely choose to do anymore. Last night (very small example) Difficult Child called me and wanted to tell me how unfair Home Depot had been to him not wanting to take a lifetime guaranteed tool back. I am okay with listening to a short mention of something like that but I have little interest in a long discussion about it and quite frankly that is life so deal with it is my feeling especially with a Difficult Child. I know your situation is way different here SWOT but I find that I will very shortly say oh wow someone is at the door I'm sure you will figure it out honey. Being empathetic and caring to someone is one thing but being their go to person for a bunch of emotional hand holding and ranting and raving for me is just something I'm not interested in doing much anymore. I think I got my fill of it after being way too involved with people like that for years and years. Hang in there and take your power back here. Having said that I hope the hearing goes well today for your precious grandchild. Warm hugs SWOT. [/QUOTE]
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Well, this hasnt happened for a while. Stunned.
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