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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 377979" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Well..........WHY do you have to keep your game face on? WHY reach for Bartles and James? WHY NOT hit the wall? Not literally of course, but are you not human? Isn't it okay to allow your children to see that when someone breaks your heart it's allowable to hurt, to cry, to have a range of emotions that show Mom is human? Mom is not a robot, Mom is not SUPER-human, Mom is not unfeeling. Mom is....Mom. You're a real person with real feelings and you smile, you laugh, you get angry and you've been teaching your children for YEARS that it's okay to laugh when something is funny, it's OKAY to be angry as long as you respond appropriately to anger - so why not cry when something HURTS ...YOU? </p><p> </p><p>Jheesze Louise - I think the first time my son ever knew that I was even slightly NOT a cyborg was the night I literally fell against the wall after about 15 years of NOT crying, NOT showing frustration, NOT allowing anything out and slumped against the wall and sobbed so hard I threw up. I was in the hallway, I couldn't stop - I walked outside to try to stop it, didn't happen. I laid across our swing and just sobbed into a towel. After I left my ex NVTS? I didn't cry for over 10 years...not a tear. If I cried? I got beat. HE would give me something to cry ABOUT. That night? It was a release. I'm not saying it was a 'healthy' cry, but it was good. Good for my family to see that "hey yeah, Mom is a person, and she hurts, and she feels, and she does bleed when you jab her." I wasn't weak - I was HUMAN. </p><p> </p><p>One of the hardest things for me to understand and allow myself in therapy was letting go of my edge - my hard edge. See I thought if I let the world see any part of me that had compassion, was nice, could be kind, giving or loving? Then I would be walked on again like I was in my marriage. I would loose that "mother bear" ability to be swift and whitty and sharp. I was so worried about it I had anxiety attacks IN therapy over thinking that therapy was going to create a whole other set of problems FOR me. That once I did XYZ, I would have ABC to deal with because NOW I had lost my hard exterior I worked so hard to keep. Well sister.....I'm telling ya - Now not only am I nice, and kind, and compassionate - but I didn't loose a nickles worth of whatever my little twisted brain perceives as "my edge." (perhaps it's that slight potty mouth or sharp whit when dealing with the dregs of humanity or the abilty to stay one step ahead or my Spidey sense) anyway - What I learned by allow myself the space to let go? Was that I didn't fall apart ----even when I did it in front of people. And the ones that laugh at me when I cry? Yeah I can still reach over with a 'sweet word' or two and they are left picking up their kiesters while I'm walking away having learned detachment 101....not really caring how they glue it back together. </p><p> </p><p>Wish I was there? You could cry for three hours and I'd just putz around your house cleaning and cooking and laundrying - saying "I think it's time everyone gave Mom space, things are going to change from here on out." </p><p> </p><p>So......HUGS. </p><p> </p><p>Love - Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 377979, member: 4964"] Well..........WHY do you have to keep your game face on? WHY reach for Bartles and James? WHY NOT hit the wall? Not literally of course, but are you not human? Isn't it okay to allow your children to see that when someone breaks your heart it's allowable to hurt, to cry, to have a range of emotions that show Mom is human? Mom is not a robot, Mom is not SUPER-human, Mom is not unfeeling. Mom is....Mom. You're a real person with real feelings and you smile, you laugh, you get angry and you've been teaching your children for YEARS that it's okay to laugh when something is funny, it's OKAY to be angry as long as you respond appropriately to anger - so why not cry when something HURTS ...YOU? Jheesze Louise - I think the first time my son ever knew that I was even slightly NOT a cyborg was the night I literally fell against the wall after about 15 years of NOT crying, NOT showing frustration, NOT allowing anything out and slumped against the wall and sobbed so hard I threw up. I was in the hallway, I couldn't stop - I walked outside to try to stop it, didn't happen. I laid across our swing and just sobbed into a towel. After I left my ex NVTS? I didn't cry for over 10 years...not a tear. If I cried? I got beat. HE would give me something to cry ABOUT. That night? It was a release. I'm not saying it was a 'healthy' cry, but it was good. Good for my family to see that "hey yeah, Mom is a person, and she hurts, and she feels, and she does bleed when you jab her." I wasn't weak - I was HUMAN. One of the hardest things for me to understand and allow myself in therapy was letting go of my edge - my hard edge. See I thought if I let the world see any part of me that had compassion, was nice, could be kind, giving or loving? Then I would be walked on again like I was in my marriage. I would loose that "mother bear" ability to be swift and whitty and sharp. I was so worried about it I had anxiety attacks IN therapy over thinking that therapy was going to create a whole other set of problems FOR me. That once I did XYZ, I would have ABC to deal with because NOW I had lost my hard exterior I worked so hard to keep. Well sister.....I'm telling ya - Now not only am I nice, and kind, and compassionate - but I didn't loose a nickles worth of whatever my little twisted brain perceives as "my edge." (perhaps it's that slight potty mouth or sharp whit when dealing with the dregs of humanity or the abilty to stay one step ahead or my Spidey sense) anyway - What I learned by allow myself the space to let go? Was that I didn't fall apart ----even when I did it in front of people. And the ones that laugh at me when I cry? Yeah I can still reach over with a 'sweet word' or two and they are left picking up their kiesters while I'm walking away having learned detachment 101....not really caring how they glue it back together. Wish I was there? You could cry for three hours and I'd just putz around your house cleaning and cooking and laundrying - saying "I think it's time everyone gave Mom space, things are going to change from here on out." So......HUGS. Love - Star [/QUOTE]
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