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Went to therapist appointment
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<blockquote data-quote="WSM" data-source="post: 284506" data-attributes="member: 5169"><p>No sexual or physical abuse, just stealing her things, breaking her things, lying to her, trying to make her do things like steal cookies for him, and of course that creepy nasty business of going into her room in the middle of the night and pouring corn syrup around.</p><p> </p><p>That's bad enough, but there's only so much that I can do. I have no faith in 'the system'. They might have taken your adopted son out of the house, but my stepson four times in 18 months committed an expellable felony at school, was convicted 3 times and was never expelled. Altho maybe the therapist does believe difficult child is doing all this stuff, I know because I've heard it myself that there are a lot of people who buy difficult child's victim spiel. I do help her, she does tell me even tho husband has told her not to and I encourage her to always tell, tell, tell, tell everyone, tell teachers, friends, bus drivers, neighbors, friends' mothers, everyone. She's only nine, and she's agreeable, but she has spunk. She can't speak up yet, but she'll be able to. I do watch out for her; if I leave she's sunk, I insist on the supervision, the monitoring, the safety. Yep, we have breakdowns in our safety procedures and they are being updated as difficult child tests them. I hate it, but they are necessary. When I'm not around husband does get lax. therapist said safety first; husband is going to be tired of hearing me say it.</p><p> </p><p>I'm getting my kids out. I'm in the process of buying a condo for the two oldest 3 hours away at their college; it takes times, especially these days. My third was accepted to a special high school for kids who want to become doctors, it's a great honor--my kids will be safely away doing happy productive things in the fall. </p><p> </p><p>That leave me and stepdau. I can't take her with me. I will never see her again once I leave, you have to understand that. When I leave I will talk to DCF, and will talk to her school principal and school counselor, I'll tell them what's going on, and urge them to check her, check her, check her. I'll give them the log, I'll give them the picture. School boundaries were redrawn and she's going to go to a school difficult child never attended this fall--they won't feel any loyalty to difficult child unlike the other school. I'll give them the therapist's name, the one who says difficult child is very very dangerous and the names of neighbors. Also, because husband and his ex had a contentious divorce, I'll contact the kids' GALs and let them know. They have legal jurisdiction still over difficult child and stepdau--altho they consider their custody case satisfactorily resolved and haven't contacted us in a long time. But it was one of their most wrenching cases and they were very involved, came to our wedding in fact, maybe they can do something. Actually I'm going to ask husband to confide in them and ask them to help get placement for difficult child.</p><p> </p><p>As for husband and his wavering on what to do about difficult child, I don't know what to say. I know he knows difficult child is very very messed up. difficult child is still small,80 lbs, not yet 5 ft tall, skinny. He doesn't seem threatening to a 225lb man. The difference between me and husband is that while we both know difficult child is horribly disturbed, husband hopes he can be helped,and I know he's beyond meaningful help, at least as far as him being able to live comfortably in a family. </p><p> </p><p>husband hopes pills will help, therapy, going soft on him building up his self esteem, letting him know he's loved and accepted even if he does do bad things will help him--mostly he hopes for the medications to help--medication, husband has informed me, made a world of difference to difficult child's mother: like night and day. But biomom's problems are chemical, she's bipolar/schizophrenia and spends most of her life in psychosis; she could manage it if she took her medications. difficult child's got some of her mental illness, but he's mostly in my opinion emotionally ill, dealing with a personality disorder, ie, antisocial PD, or sociopathy.</p><p> </p><p>"Very, very disturbed" is not a psychiatric diagnosis. I would love to know what therapist thinks difficult child's diagnosis is, particularly since you can't official diagnosis a PD before age 18, and particularly not antisocial PD. But antisocials don't turn that way in an hour, at the stroke of 18, they of course were that way as children. I've asked other tdocs in the past what the diagnosis for difficult child was, and they always answer with some form of: "Labels aren't really helpful." I take that as meaning that they 'know' difficult child is an emerging sociopath; husband takes it as meaning what's wrong with him isn't important, just getting difficult child on the right path is. </p><p> </p><p>This is very hard. There are no clear answers, no clear path. I know either difficult child or I will be gone by his 14th birthday; I too have hope though, I hope husband drops his hope that the right medications or therapy will fix difficult child. I don't have a lot of hope, but I do see times when husband is ready to let go--oddly enough not when difficult child does something horrific, but when he talks back. difficult child told husband to shut up a couple days ago, and husband was livid. Interestingly enough it might not be the knives that motivates husband to take action against difficult child, but his mouth.</p><p> </p><p>I cannot tell you how soul weary I am.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WSM, post: 284506, member: 5169"] No sexual or physical abuse, just stealing her things, breaking her things, lying to her, trying to make her do things like steal cookies for him, and of course that creepy nasty business of going into her room in the middle of the night and pouring corn syrup around. That's bad enough, but there's only so much that I can do. I have no faith in 'the system'. They might have taken your adopted son out of the house, but my stepson four times in 18 months committed an expellable felony at school, was convicted 3 times and was never expelled. Altho maybe the therapist does believe difficult child is doing all this stuff, I know because I've heard it myself that there are a lot of people who buy difficult child's victim spiel. I do help her, she does tell me even tho husband has told her not to and I encourage her to always tell, tell, tell, tell everyone, tell teachers, friends, bus drivers, neighbors, friends' mothers, everyone. She's only nine, and she's agreeable, but she has spunk. She can't speak up yet, but she'll be able to. I do watch out for her; if I leave she's sunk, I insist on the supervision, the monitoring, the safety. Yep, we have breakdowns in our safety procedures and they are being updated as difficult child tests them. I hate it, but they are necessary. When I'm not around husband does get lax. therapist said safety first; husband is going to be tired of hearing me say it. I'm getting my kids out. I'm in the process of buying a condo for the two oldest 3 hours away at their college; it takes times, especially these days. My third was accepted to a special high school for kids who want to become doctors, it's a great honor--my kids will be safely away doing happy productive things in the fall. That leave me and stepdau. I can't take her with me. I will never see her again once I leave, you have to understand that. When I leave I will talk to DCF, and will talk to her school principal and school counselor, I'll tell them what's going on, and urge them to check her, check her, check her. I'll give them the log, I'll give them the picture. School boundaries were redrawn and she's going to go to a school difficult child never attended this fall--they won't feel any loyalty to difficult child unlike the other school. I'll give them the therapist's name, the one who says difficult child is very very dangerous and the names of neighbors. Also, because husband and his ex had a contentious divorce, I'll contact the kids' GALs and let them know. They have legal jurisdiction still over difficult child and stepdau--altho they consider their custody case satisfactorily resolved and haven't contacted us in a long time. But it was one of their most wrenching cases and they were very involved, came to our wedding in fact, maybe they can do something. Actually I'm going to ask husband to confide in them and ask them to help get placement for difficult child. As for husband and his wavering on what to do about difficult child, I don't know what to say. I know he knows difficult child is very very messed up. difficult child is still small,80 lbs, not yet 5 ft tall, skinny. He doesn't seem threatening to a 225lb man. The difference between me and husband is that while we both know difficult child is horribly disturbed, husband hopes he can be helped,and I know he's beyond meaningful help, at least as far as him being able to live comfortably in a family. husband hopes pills will help, therapy, going soft on him building up his self esteem, letting him know he's loved and accepted even if he does do bad things will help him--mostly he hopes for the medications to help--medication, husband has informed me, made a world of difference to difficult child's mother: like night and day. But biomom's problems are chemical, she's bipolar/schizophrenia and spends most of her life in psychosis; she could manage it if she took her medications. difficult child's got some of her mental illness, but he's mostly in my opinion emotionally ill, dealing with a personality disorder, ie, antisocial PD, or sociopathy. "Very, very disturbed" is not a psychiatric diagnosis. I would love to know what therapist thinks difficult child's diagnosis is, particularly since you can't official diagnosis a PD before age 18, and particularly not antisocial PD. But antisocials don't turn that way in an hour, at the stroke of 18, they of course were that way as children. I've asked other tdocs in the past what the diagnosis for difficult child was, and they always answer with some form of: "Labels aren't really helpful." I take that as meaning that they 'know' difficult child is an emerging sociopath; husband takes it as meaning what's wrong with him isn't important, just getting difficult child on the right path is. This is very hard. There are no clear answers, no clear path. I know either difficult child or I will be gone by his 14th birthday; I too have hope though, I hope husband drops his hope that the right medications or therapy will fix difficult child. I don't have a lot of hope, but I do see times when husband is ready to let go--oddly enough not when difficult child does something horrific, but when he talks back. difficult child told husband to shut up a couple days ago, and husband was livid. Interestingly enough it might not be the knives that motivates husband to take action against difficult child, but his mouth. I cannot tell you how soul weary I am. [/QUOTE]
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