Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Went Too Far, The Saga Continues...
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 691404" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>Hi Skool Teacher. Gentle hugs - it can be just as (if not more stressful) to have them not living with us as when they are living with us! </p><p></p><p>First off - <a href="http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/list-of-things-to-say-when-detaching.685/#axzz4BbYu2Z3Z" target="_blank">a list of canned responses </a>to have by the phone to help you maintain detachment. </p><p></p><p>As far as the mom.... sigh. Honestly - it makes me nuts to hear this stuff. Went through it with my son's girlfriend's mom many years ago. She would call me and just gripe and gripe about X, Y, and Z. I just took it and um-hmmmmed a lot and bit my tongue, but what I *really* wanted to say to this nut case was... well, I think you know exactly what I wanted to say to her, LOL! </p><p></p><p>And when I refused to "fix" whatever the problem of the day was, she would launch into her "I could never send *my* kid away" spiel because she was a much better mom than me. What-the-heck-ever. </p><p></p><p>Daughter's ex should definitely be blocked.</p><p></p><p>For me, it took a really concentrated effort to just stay out of it all. I was lucky in some ways because son didn't call often, so aside from the crazy mother, I was (and still am) blissfully ignorant of much of what was going on in his life at that time. One of the hardest things to learn was to just keep my mouth shut. On the rare occasion he called asking for advice or to complain about his life, any advice I gave was just 100% wrong, so... yeah, I eventually learned to just bite my tongue and keep my opinions to myself. </p><p></p><p>Daughter knows how to get herself to hospital if she's sick. You don't need to be involved - she's 21.</p><p></p><p>When daughter calls with her ailments/drama, let her know you're concerned, and you hope that she feels better soon, and thank goodness she has insurance/a job/whatever positive applies to the situation. You're letting her adult, as she should be adulting at this point. </p><p></p><p>You have the right to have a peaceful life. No, the worry doesn't ever really go away, but.... it is absolutely unnecessary for you to get sucked into the drama. It takes practice to master detachment. While you're working on it, I'd keep the lines of communication open with her, but in small doses. When the poor me pity party starts, after you point out the positive tools/resources she has available to her, remember that batch of cookies you're burning, or that your toilet is overflowing, or whatever. </p><p></p><p>And I'd tell ex's mom that she needs to discuss this stuff with your daughter, not you. </p><p></p><p>Again, many gentle hugs to you. This stage of my kid's growing up was the hardest and most stressful for me, but it will pass.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 691404, member: 8"] Hi Skool Teacher. Gentle hugs - it can be just as (if not more stressful) to have them not living with us as when they are living with us! First off - [URL='http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/list-of-things-to-say-when-detaching.685/#axzz4BbYu2Z3Z']a list of canned responses [/URL]to have by the phone to help you maintain detachment. As far as the mom.... sigh. Honestly - it makes me nuts to hear this stuff. Went through it with my son's girlfriend's mom many years ago. She would call me and just gripe and gripe about X, Y, and Z. I just took it and um-hmmmmed a lot and bit my tongue, but what I *really* wanted to say to this nut case was... well, I think you know exactly what I wanted to say to her, LOL! And when I refused to "fix" whatever the problem of the day was, she would launch into her "I could never send *my* kid away" spiel because she was a much better mom than me. What-the-heck-ever. Daughter's ex should definitely be blocked. For me, it took a really concentrated effort to just stay out of it all. I was lucky in some ways because son didn't call often, so aside from the crazy mother, I was (and still am) blissfully ignorant of much of what was going on in his life at that time. One of the hardest things to learn was to just keep my mouth shut. On the rare occasion he called asking for advice or to complain about his life, any advice I gave was just 100% wrong, so... yeah, I eventually learned to just bite my tongue and keep my opinions to myself. Daughter knows how to get herself to hospital if she's sick. You don't need to be involved - she's 21. When daughter calls with her ailments/drama, let her know you're concerned, and you hope that she feels better soon, and thank goodness she has insurance/a job/whatever positive applies to the situation. You're letting her adult, as she should be adulting at this point. You have the right to have a peaceful life. No, the worry doesn't ever really go away, but.... it is absolutely unnecessary for you to get sucked into the drama. It takes practice to master detachment. While you're working on it, I'd keep the lines of communication open with her, but in small doses. When the poor me pity party starts, after you point out the positive tools/resources she has available to her, remember that batch of cookies you're burning, or that your toilet is overflowing, or whatever. And I'd tell ex's mom that she needs to discuss this stuff with your daughter, not you. Again, many gentle hugs to you. This stage of my kid's growing up was the hardest and most stressful for me, but it will pass. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Went Too Far, The Saga Continues...
Top