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We're falling apart...long
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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 324799" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>Gosh, what a situation. And all too common truly. I'm sorry you are so aggravated and sound like you are feeling dismissed.</p><p></p><p>I've had sort of the opposite with my S/O. We haven't fought over it (thankfully) but I am having resentment. Since he was laid of in February, he's been different. He is not heading into the air force, but currently not on their list yet, so no pay through them. Instead, for the next few months, employment insurance gives him benefits and pays his tuiton until the air force takes over, at which point he'll get his full pay from the military even whilst finishing school.</p><p></p><p>So he's contributing via his employment insurance. He is a hard worker, he is taking his lay off better than some men do, he is willing to AGAIN go back to school for a new career. 2nd time in 5 years we've been together. He is however not feeling plugged into finances. He doesn't see his employment insurance cheques as his income, his contribution. I've told him he's paid for decades into the insurance program, it is virtually a return of premiums paid from his own salary. He still doesn't see it that way. Since he began recieving the insurance payments, he has backed off feeling tuned in to our finances completely. I think for him it is too hard to face the feeling that he isn't the provider he felt like when he was working.</p><p></p><p>He in no way criticizes anything to do with money. he takes only money for a coffee on the way to morning class, and that's about it. He leaves all other money for me to deal with. To pay and juggle bills, deal with groceries, personal needs, his child support payments etc. It is getting difficult to have lost my partner in our household. We used to make financial decisions together. He hasn't even shown any interest in helping figure out the kids christmas gifts, or how to divide money through december while juggling christmas with regular bills. He just smiles, hands over his cheque, doesn't even go deposit it to his bank account. He's simply given access to his account to me, hands over his pay, and basically gets his "allowance" on Mondays to pay his coffee at school for the week. I feel adrift, trying to balance it all without a partner to make the hard choices. I even began messing things up. My phone was turned off Friday, lack of payment. I just didn't even notice I hadn't been paying it. It is the same bill for my internet, oddly the internet is still turned on. I need a week for his next pay to come to pay it before it can be turned back on. It is my fault. I get that. but inside I'm frustrated that I'm feeling overwhelmed with all the decisions on my own, that I'd have actually let myself miss a entire bill company. </p><p></p><p>I don't have answers or advice for you. But i do relate. I hope you two find a balance. (((hugs)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 324799, member: 4264"] Gosh, what a situation. And all too common truly. I'm sorry you are so aggravated and sound like you are feeling dismissed. I've had sort of the opposite with my S/O. We haven't fought over it (thankfully) but I am having resentment. Since he was laid of in February, he's been different. He is not heading into the air force, but currently not on their list yet, so no pay through them. Instead, for the next few months, employment insurance gives him benefits and pays his tuiton until the air force takes over, at which point he'll get his full pay from the military even whilst finishing school. So he's contributing via his employment insurance. He is a hard worker, he is taking his lay off better than some men do, he is willing to AGAIN go back to school for a new career. 2nd time in 5 years we've been together. He is however not feeling plugged into finances. He doesn't see his employment insurance cheques as his income, his contribution. I've told him he's paid for decades into the insurance program, it is virtually a return of premiums paid from his own salary. He still doesn't see it that way. Since he began recieving the insurance payments, he has backed off feeling tuned in to our finances completely. I think for him it is too hard to face the feeling that he isn't the provider he felt like when he was working. He in no way criticizes anything to do with money. he takes only money for a coffee on the way to morning class, and that's about it. He leaves all other money for me to deal with. To pay and juggle bills, deal with groceries, personal needs, his child support payments etc. It is getting difficult to have lost my partner in our household. We used to make financial decisions together. He hasn't even shown any interest in helping figure out the kids christmas gifts, or how to divide money through december while juggling christmas with regular bills. He just smiles, hands over his cheque, doesn't even go deposit it to his bank account. He's simply given access to his account to me, hands over his pay, and basically gets his "allowance" on Mondays to pay his coffee at school for the week. I feel adrift, trying to balance it all without a partner to make the hard choices. I even began messing things up. My phone was turned off Friday, lack of payment. I just didn't even notice I hadn't been paying it. It is the same bill for my internet, oddly the internet is still turned on. I need a week for his next pay to come to pay it before it can be turned back on. It is my fault. I get that. but inside I'm frustrated that I'm feeling overwhelmed with all the decisions on my own, that I'd have actually let myself miss a entire bill company. I don't have answers or advice for you. But i do relate. I hope you two find a balance. (((hugs))) [/QUOTE]
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