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We're writing a contract
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<blockquote data-quote="witzend" data-source="post: 196392" data-attributes="member: 99"><p>I agree that the sobbing and I screwed up is manipulation. Maybe even manipulation of himself at times, but manipulation all the same. M used to break stuff, steal stuff, intimidate, blow off everyone and everything. His thing was "I think we should talk about this in therapy." Then he took a verbal licking in therapy and figured that was his penance.</p><p></p><p>I thought a lot about your contract, having read it a few days ago. It sounds as though you and your husband are (rightfully) at the end of your rope with him. </p><p></p><p>All of the things in the contract seem to be realistic expectations for most people, but there doesn't seem to be any wiggle room in the contract. I'm wondering if you feel that there is a possibility that he won't violate it. I'm not sure I'm reading it right, but is the consequence for all transgressions that he has to move out? I know that you have had a hard time getting husband on the same page on you. I guess what I'm wondering is whether the contract is more for the purpose of husband having a line that difficult child will cross and that there is no turning back from? If that's it, do you feel certain that husband will follow through on telling him to leave? It seems like you are more ready for that than he is.</p><p></p><p>Honestly, I see nothing wrong with the contract, so long as you are prepared for him to violate it. Like I say, the terms are not unreasonable - for most people. But it doesn't seem like your difficult child is ready to step up to it quite yet. The only thing that I might change on it is the number of day he has to get out. Two weeks is an awfully long time with an angry young man. He can break a lot and hurt a lot in two weeks. If you really feel you must, then I would give him a couple of days. Unless it was for violence, then it would be immediate.</p><p></p><p>Good luck to all of you. You all are having a really hard time. I hope that it will work out for you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="witzend, post: 196392, member: 99"] I agree that the sobbing and I screwed up is manipulation. Maybe even manipulation of himself at times, but manipulation all the same. M used to break stuff, steal stuff, intimidate, blow off everyone and everything. His thing was "I think we should talk about this in therapy." Then he took a verbal licking in therapy and figured that was his penance. I thought a lot about your contract, having read it a few days ago. It sounds as though you and your husband are (rightfully) at the end of your rope with him. All of the things in the contract seem to be realistic expectations for most people, but there doesn't seem to be any wiggle room in the contract. I'm wondering if you feel that there is a possibility that he won't violate it. I'm not sure I'm reading it right, but is the consequence for all transgressions that he has to move out? I know that you have had a hard time getting husband on the same page on you. I guess what I'm wondering is whether the contract is more for the purpose of husband having a line that difficult child will cross and that there is no turning back from? If that's it, do you feel certain that husband will follow through on telling him to leave? It seems like you are more ready for that than he is. Honestly, I see nothing wrong with the contract, so long as you are prepared for him to violate it. Like I say, the terms are not unreasonable - for most people. But it doesn't seem like your difficult child is ready to step up to it quite yet. The only thing that I might change on it is the number of day he has to get out. Two weeks is an awfully long time with an angry young man. He can break a lot and hurt a lot in two weeks. If you really feel you must, then I would give him a couple of days. Unless it was for violence, then it would be immediate. Good luck to all of you. You all are having a really hard time. I hope that it will work out for you. [/QUOTE]
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