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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 619155" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Younger bro........may be my bro but he is a class A @sshole. Oddly enough, I know why. I understand why. Doesn't change the fact he is a @ss.<strong> I can't count on any information he gives me.</strong> None. Nada. He wants the "problem" of mom gone, out of his face, so he doesn't have to feel obligated to deal with it. His solution has always been to lock her up into a nursing home, liquidate her assets, and split up the funds so he gets his share. When they day comes, if there is a share to give. I just may <strong>literally</strong> cram it right up his backside with relish. He was raised better, if not by mom (and she tried), then by our step dad who raised us as his own. He refuses to let go of the idea that mom is "incompetent" and therefore cannot sell her house without the signatures of all 5 kids. Now I don't know where he got such a stupid notion, but that is what financial power of attorney's are for, so he is in for a<strong> very rude awakening</strong>. Perhaps it was the pain medications, but he let it slip that he was trying to talk mom into switching POA over to him. (I knew this) The anger that she flat out refused and it was with me came through loud and clear, even as he was trying to get me to agree with him by using my not being contacted over mom's hospitalization as an example. P*ssed him off when I told him anything I need to do as medical POA can be done over the phone until I arrive. The "man" things he's brilliant when in fact he is a self serving moron when it comes to such things. And so, you now know why he doesn't hold POA. He is majorly ticked off that I successfully stopped him from getting mom declared incompetent.</p><p></p><p>I have not spoken with older bro and will not until given no choice. I have my reasons and they won't waver. Those reasons don't involve mom. They have to do with the two of us. He at least actually does have mom's best interest at heart. This, I have to say, came as a surprise, because I'd have expected younger bro's behavior to come from him, not the other way around.</p><p></p><p>*SIGH*</p><p></p><p>Now?? I will have to call mom every single day and assess her while she recovers. Why don't I just rush back home and force her to come here? Because of my training and experience. I know that a fall can rattle even the most competent elderly person. I know that admission to hospital can make that worse. Injury with pain medications.......yeah, even more so. When I was speaking with mom she was out of her environment, injured, and on pain medications. I spoke with the case manager (and because of my training I truly understand what they watch for ect with assessment) in depth. Neither the nurses nor physical therapist found any reason to believe that mom could not act independently. That means at this point, I have to rely on their professional opinions. I don't like it, but it's what I've got. Mom was not so far "off" when I spoke to her for me to think I need to rush over and take over.</p><p></p><p>I don't like her being at my aunts house, but I like her being alone in her home more. I already know that my brothers will not stop daily and look in on her. Younger bro refuses to do anything for her, he told me point blank. Older bro has to work, being a truck driver he is nearly always out of town. He checks on mom when he is in town, but that is just not very darn often.</p><p></p><p>I'm going to have to really be pushing her to settle her affairs and use the safety issue to do so. Sadly, I'm also going to have to be bluntly honest about her other 4 children. Mom is still in "mom mode" holding onto the house should any of the kids need to come home due to financial crisis or whatnot. I told her not long ago that her Mom mode days are over. She can no longer be the caretaker of anyone. It's time to let us take care of her and for her to enjoy herself. None of the kids will ever go home again. Ever. This is due to mom's mental state. Now, oddly enough, that she is incapable of hiding her paranoia ect, they can't tolerate being in the same household with her. No matter how desperate they are. It's time to sell the house and get the monkey off her back. It is time for her to come here (or wherever it is she decides). Her days of living alone are numbered. One more fall it will not be her decision to make. I will make it for her. I'm hoping it won't come to that. But it is a safety issue and I will be neglecting her if I ignore it, even if it is because she wants me to.</p><p></p><p>I didn't want this job. It wasn't that long ago (several years) on this very board that I said hell would have to freeze over before I ever accepted POA for my mom or took her into my home. Well, look where I am today. phht. I still don't want this job. But I will not stand by while younger bro tries to strip our mother from her independence to make his life easier either. And so I got stuck with the job.</p><p></p><p>There is a war ahead. Maybe/maybe not with my mother. I can handle her just fine and I know exactly what I am dealing with concerning her mental illness and everything else. The real war is going to be with my siblings, evidently one in particular. One who only remembers the whimpy pushover little sister who was everyone's victim, who does not know the force he is reckoning with in the woman she has grown into. That whimpy pushover victim died the day I walked out of that town for good.</p><p></p><p>I also have an ace in my pocket they can't comprehend. I don't give jack sh*t what they think about me, if they care about me or not. They have no means in which to hurt me. Which gives them no power at all over me. There will be no guilt trips, no emotional blackmail. I will do right by my mother if it means alienating them from my life forever. It won't bother me in the least to do so. I'm keeping the last promise I made to my grandmother, and no one will stop me from doing so.</p><p></p><p>That might sound harsh, but then you'd have to understand my family. As I have said, there are many reasons I moved so far away all those years ago. There are reasons my children were not raised around them to any real degree.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 619155, member: 84"] Younger bro........may be my bro but he is a class A @sshole. Oddly enough, I know why. I understand why. Doesn't change the fact he is a @ss.[B] I can't count on any information he gives me.[/B] None. Nada. He wants the "problem" of mom gone, out of his face, so he doesn't have to feel obligated to deal with it. His solution has always been to lock her up into a nursing home, liquidate her assets, and split up the funds so he gets his share. When they day comes, if there is a share to give. I just may [B]literally[/B] cram it right up his backside with relish. He was raised better, if not by mom (and she tried), then by our step dad who raised us as his own. He refuses to let go of the idea that mom is "incompetent" and therefore cannot sell her house without the signatures of all 5 kids. Now I don't know where he got such a stupid notion, but that is what financial power of attorney's are for, so he is in for a[B] very rude awakening[/B]. Perhaps it was the pain medications, but he let it slip that he was trying to talk mom into switching POA over to him. (I knew this) The anger that she flat out refused and it was with me came through loud and clear, even as he was trying to get me to agree with him by using my not being contacted over mom's hospitalization as an example. P*ssed him off when I told him anything I need to do as medical POA can be done over the phone until I arrive. The "man" things he's brilliant when in fact he is a self serving moron when it comes to such things. And so, you now know why he doesn't hold POA. He is majorly ticked off that I successfully stopped him from getting mom declared incompetent. I have not spoken with older bro and will not until given no choice. I have my reasons and they won't waver. Those reasons don't involve mom. They have to do with the two of us. He at least actually does have mom's best interest at heart. This, I have to say, came as a surprise, because I'd have expected younger bro's behavior to come from him, not the other way around. *SIGH* Now?? I will have to call mom every single day and assess her while she recovers. Why don't I just rush back home and force her to come here? Because of my training and experience. I know that a fall can rattle even the most competent elderly person. I know that admission to hospital can make that worse. Injury with pain medications.......yeah, even more so. When I was speaking with mom she was out of her environment, injured, and on pain medications. I spoke with the case manager (and because of my training I truly understand what they watch for ect with assessment) in depth. Neither the nurses nor physical therapist found any reason to believe that mom could not act independently. That means at this point, I have to rely on their professional opinions. I don't like it, but it's what I've got. Mom was not so far "off" when I spoke to her for me to think I need to rush over and take over. I don't like her being at my aunts house, but I like her being alone in her home more. I already know that my brothers will not stop daily and look in on her. Younger bro refuses to do anything for her, he told me point blank. Older bro has to work, being a truck driver he is nearly always out of town. He checks on mom when he is in town, but that is just not very darn often. I'm going to have to really be pushing her to settle her affairs and use the safety issue to do so. Sadly, I'm also going to have to be bluntly honest about her other 4 children. Mom is still in "mom mode" holding onto the house should any of the kids need to come home due to financial crisis or whatnot. I told her not long ago that her Mom mode days are over. She can no longer be the caretaker of anyone. It's time to let us take care of her and for her to enjoy herself. None of the kids will ever go home again. Ever. This is due to mom's mental state. Now, oddly enough, that she is incapable of hiding her paranoia ect, they can't tolerate being in the same household with her. No matter how desperate they are. It's time to sell the house and get the monkey off her back. It is time for her to come here (or wherever it is she decides). Her days of living alone are numbered. One more fall it will not be her decision to make. I will make it for her. I'm hoping it won't come to that. But it is a safety issue and I will be neglecting her if I ignore it, even if it is because she wants me to. I didn't want this job. It wasn't that long ago (several years) on this very board that I said hell would have to freeze over before I ever accepted POA for my mom or took her into my home. Well, look where I am today. phht. I still don't want this job. But I will not stand by while younger bro tries to strip our mother from her independence to make his life easier either. And so I got stuck with the job. There is a war ahead. Maybe/maybe not with my mother. I can handle her just fine and I know exactly what I am dealing with concerning her mental illness and everything else. The real war is going to be with my siblings, evidently one in particular. One who only remembers the whimpy pushover little sister who was everyone's victim, who does not know the force he is reckoning with in the woman she has grown into. That whimpy pushover victim died the day I walked out of that town for good. I also have an ace in my pocket they can't comprehend. I don't give jack sh*t what they think about me, if they care about me or not. They have no means in which to hurt me. Which gives them no power at all over me. There will be no guilt trips, no emotional blackmail. I will do right by my mother if it means alienating them from my life forever. It won't bother me in the least to do so. I'm keeping the last promise I made to my grandmother, and no one will stop me from doing so. That might sound harsh, but then you'd have to understand my family. As I have said, there are many reasons I moved so far away all those years ago. There are reasons my children were not raised around them to any real degree. [/QUOTE]
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