Hound dog
Nana's are Beautiful
My mom calls me last night and informs me that she has been in hospital since thursday. It took nearly a half hour to get her to stop talking in circles and tell me that she fell, did a face plant on the front sidewalk because she was scared to try to catch herself with her hands due to breaking her arms that way before...... That her forehead is so swollen she is not quite sure she still has her left eyeball. (she's not kidding, she doesn't think it is in there). It took another day and a nurse conversation to discover she broke her left elbow and it will require surgery. omg
First of all I need to say my mother never formed a maternal bond with me due to circumstances beyond her control. That evolved into me being her target child for mental and physical abuse to the point where my grandmother stepped in and basically took over my raising as long as she could......until about age 12. Much, probably all, of this abuse stems from paranoid schizophrenia. I made my peace with that long ago. In recent years we've managed to form a relationship. I'm not quite sure it is a mother/daughter relationship.......at least not a typical one, but at the very least a friendship. I understand her. I "get" her mental condition. I can also see the person she would have been without mental illness and the person she attempted to be with it. While I may not love her as my mother, and I don't lie to myself and say that I do.......grandma was my mother in every sense of the word, I do love her and respect her for the person that she is, that she tried to be.
By a weird twist of fate, the very child my mother once despised......attempted to kill multiple times, is the only one in her corner. Her welfare rests solely in my hands. I hold her power of attorney, financial and medical. I am the executor of her estate. I am also the only child she trusts.
No one called me to tell me my mother fell, that she was in hospital. They know full well I am her medical power of attorney. That prohibits them from making any medical decisions on her behalf. So I am to be contacted. I wasn't. Hospital has it on file, but she was admitted for "observation" and so they never thought to look. Yes, I was polite but I told them they were negligent in not looking and not contacting me. The circumstances under which she was admitted.......seriously? This time I did not bawl them out, but they were warned next time I would not be so understanding.
My brother who knew full well about both the fall and that she was in hospital did not contact anyone. Personally, I'd like to knock the snot out of him. BUT he managed to severely break his wrist just hours before mom was "admitted" and has been on some heavy duty pain medications since. Other brother just got into town last night and his live in girlfriend is also in hospital for GI issues. (long story) I've a feeling he told mom she'd better call me.
Mom, casually as you please, gives me the news. When I want specifics she insists on telling me about bro's broken wrist and about how how it happened at about the same time and he was at the hospital getting surgery.........and about older bro's girlfriend and her GI issues. Then when I insisted she tell me about the fall and her condition, she felt it necessary to tell me she has all the funeral arrangements made (she did that ages ago, I already have the paperwork in my safe) and she'd done it this week. It took forever for her to tell me about falling and that her forehead was bruised and massively swollen so that it's swollen shut over her left eye. Then she insisted she lost the eye in the fall, despite the fact that I explained that was impossible and that it just seemed that way due to swelling. She did say they did 40 xrays on her arm and was doing an MRI last night.
I got much the same run around this afternoon when I spoke to her. I had to tell her I needed to hang up and talk to the nurse and contact other family and let them know what was going on.
So I spoke to her nurse who went total defensive the moment I mentioned I was mom's medical power of attorney. (only mentioned it because it prevents them from pulling out the hippa card over her medical information) I told her that I needed to know Mom's condition, that all she'd told me about was falling and her forehead. Nurse is the one who informed me that Mom had broken her elbow to the point of needing surgery this week. The MRI came back ok. There was no medical reason to keep her in hospital. They were waiting on discharge papers to be signed by the doctor.
I admit. That wiped my brain. It happens. So I thanked her and hung up. The whole "oh, she has a broken arm and can't see out of her left eye but we're sending her home anyway" thing just sort of blew my mind. Like really?? The woman just fell flat on her f--ing face with 2 good arms and 2 good eyes and nothing in her path but you feel it safe to just send her on home?? Really?? REALLY?? I did call back and talk to the case manager.
Now thanks to them admitting her under "observation" instead of actually admitting her......she qualifies for no other services unless she wants to pay out of pocket. Folks, that will never happen.
So younger bro finally posts on fb. (like I said, I'm giving him some leeway due to the broken wrist and pain medications) that older bro is picking mom up and taking her to my aunt Genny's house. Um, my aunt is 5 years older than my mom and can barely walk across the room, her husband is an abusive sob. Are you f--ing kidding me?? Younger bro did say he'd try to get older bro to talk her into going to my aunt Dorma's. Not much better situation except that Dorma can at least move around and there is no abusive people in the household.
I call sis in Texas as I assume no one called her either. I was right. Once we got past her thinking I was calling about sis in Indy.....and that I was talking about mom........well........phht. Sis cares, I know she does. But mom burned her bad when she tried to move mom there. Sis' intentions were good, but when mom started to back out she should've dropped it instead of pushing ahead. She swore mom was not "with it" when she was there with them. Not so sure I'm buying that. These are my siblings, but they have been in denial about mom's mental diagnosis their whole lives until very very recently.....and mistakenly lump it in with senility. I can't take mom's paranoia as "proof" of her mental incompetence because that is her normal mental state to varying degrees. It does not mean she can't still function. She has functioned unmedicated in that state her whole life. I did assure sis that I understand why and hold no harsh feelings toward her that she refused not to step forward to "help" with mom again. And I do. It just saddens me. She was glad I called her to let her know what was going on and said she'd back whatever decision I make when I make it, glad that I have both the training and experience to handle it better than she did.
Sis in Texas can't take care of herself right now due to the massive heart attack and quadruple bi-pass and complications with her kidneys. She is normally the one who would go stay with mom.
First of all I need to say my mother never formed a maternal bond with me due to circumstances beyond her control. That evolved into me being her target child for mental and physical abuse to the point where my grandmother stepped in and basically took over my raising as long as she could......until about age 12. Much, probably all, of this abuse stems from paranoid schizophrenia. I made my peace with that long ago. In recent years we've managed to form a relationship. I'm not quite sure it is a mother/daughter relationship.......at least not a typical one, but at the very least a friendship. I understand her. I "get" her mental condition. I can also see the person she would have been without mental illness and the person she attempted to be with it. While I may not love her as my mother, and I don't lie to myself and say that I do.......grandma was my mother in every sense of the word, I do love her and respect her for the person that she is, that she tried to be.
By a weird twist of fate, the very child my mother once despised......attempted to kill multiple times, is the only one in her corner. Her welfare rests solely in my hands. I hold her power of attorney, financial and medical. I am the executor of her estate. I am also the only child she trusts.
No one called me to tell me my mother fell, that she was in hospital. They know full well I am her medical power of attorney. That prohibits them from making any medical decisions on her behalf. So I am to be contacted. I wasn't. Hospital has it on file, but she was admitted for "observation" and so they never thought to look. Yes, I was polite but I told them they were negligent in not looking and not contacting me. The circumstances under which she was admitted.......seriously? This time I did not bawl them out, but they were warned next time I would not be so understanding.
My brother who knew full well about both the fall and that she was in hospital did not contact anyone. Personally, I'd like to knock the snot out of him. BUT he managed to severely break his wrist just hours before mom was "admitted" and has been on some heavy duty pain medications since. Other brother just got into town last night and his live in girlfriend is also in hospital for GI issues. (long story) I've a feeling he told mom she'd better call me.
Mom, casually as you please, gives me the news. When I want specifics she insists on telling me about bro's broken wrist and about how how it happened at about the same time and he was at the hospital getting surgery.........and about older bro's girlfriend and her GI issues. Then when I insisted she tell me about the fall and her condition, she felt it necessary to tell me she has all the funeral arrangements made (she did that ages ago, I already have the paperwork in my safe) and she'd done it this week. It took forever for her to tell me about falling and that her forehead was bruised and massively swollen so that it's swollen shut over her left eye. Then she insisted she lost the eye in the fall, despite the fact that I explained that was impossible and that it just seemed that way due to swelling. She did say they did 40 xrays on her arm and was doing an MRI last night.
I got much the same run around this afternoon when I spoke to her. I had to tell her I needed to hang up and talk to the nurse and contact other family and let them know what was going on.
So I spoke to her nurse who went total defensive the moment I mentioned I was mom's medical power of attorney. (only mentioned it because it prevents them from pulling out the hippa card over her medical information) I told her that I needed to know Mom's condition, that all she'd told me about was falling and her forehead. Nurse is the one who informed me that Mom had broken her elbow to the point of needing surgery this week. The MRI came back ok. There was no medical reason to keep her in hospital. They were waiting on discharge papers to be signed by the doctor.
I admit. That wiped my brain. It happens. So I thanked her and hung up. The whole "oh, she has a broken arm and can't see out of her left eye but we're sending her home anyway" thing just sort of blew my mind. Like really?? The woman just fell flat on her f--ing face with 2 good arms and 2 good eyes and nothing in her path but you feel it safe to just send her on home?? Really?? REALLY?? I did call back and talk to the case manager.
Now thanks to them admitting her under "observation" instead of actually admitting her......she qualifies for no other services unless she wants to pay out of pocket. Folks, that will never happen.
So younger bro finally posts on fb. (like I said, I'm giving him some leeway due to the broken wrist and pain medications) that older bro is picking mom up and taking her to my aunt Genny's house. Um, my aunt is 5 years older than my mom and can barely walk across the room, her husband is an abusive sob. Are you f--ing kidding me?? Younger bro did say he'd try to get older bro to talk her into going to my aunt Dorma's. Not much better situation except that Dorma can at least move around and there is no abusive people in the household.
I call sis in Texas as I assume no one called her either. I was right. Once we got past her thinking I was calling about sis in Indy.....and that I was talking about mom........well........phht. Sis cares, I know she does. But mom burned her bad when she tried to move mom there. Sis' intentions were good, but when mom started to back out she should've dropped it instead of pushing ahead. She swore mom was not "with it" when she was there with them. Not so sure I'm buying that. These are my siblings, but they have been in denial about mom's mental diagnosis their whole lives until very very recently.....and mistakenly lump it in with senility. I can't take mom's paranoia as "proof" of her mental incompetence because that is her normal mental state to varying degrees. It does not mean she can't still function. She has functioned unmedicated in that state her whole life. I did assure sis that I understand why and hold no harsh feelings toward her that she refused not to step forward to "help" with mom again. And I do. It just saddens me. She was glad I called her to let her know what was going on and said she'd back whatever decision I make when I make it, glad that I have both the training and experience to handle it better than she did.
Sis in Texas can't take care of herself right now due to the massive heart attack and quadruple bi-pass and complications with her kidneys. She is normally the one who would go stay with mom.
