Drugs…I’m not sure it will ever end.

[lovemysons]

Hi all…as many of you know my son lost his battle with drugs 2 years ago on Thanksgiving morning. He left behind 3 children ages 16, 14, and 11 now.

For about a month now I have been in talks with my 2 oldest grandchildren about coming to live with us and going to school and provide them with opportunities that will hopefully help them have a successful future.
All of this came about as I got the truth from my grandchildren that they have really not been going to school. Their mom has had them lying that they are being homeschooled. I am in Oklahoma. They are in Texas.

Now the reason for my post. My grandson told me that his mom admitted to them 4 months ago that she relapsed on Meth because she was sad. I told my grandson things have to change and he agreed.

I called their mom to see if she was willing to let them live with us to provide them with an education and opportunities to succeed. She immediately said, “Uh NO that’s not happening!” She hung up and I texted my grandson what she said.

Next thing that happens is grandson is on the phone with me and telling me to call the police. I called the police and they went to the house. She lied to them about an argument they just had where my grandson was scared and told the police that my grandson hit her!
They took my grandson away in handcuffs. She also had her youngest daughter the unruliest of my 3 grandchildren vouch for her. She didn’t press charges though and after grandson was questioned and stuck to his story he was released to my mother in Texas.

I called CPS yesterday and filled them in on everything. I don’t know what is happening or when they will start their investigation. I would have thought at least by today.

Now grandson is having second thoughts. Says his mom is not a bad person. That she just needs help.
She apparently got in touch with him this morning and said she will let him come live with us after she has lunch with him at 11 tomorrow. But little does she know I’ve called CPS. It’s too late. My grandson told me, “I hope you haven’t talked to CPS because she is going to let me live with you.”

Forgot to mention she has 2 more children in the house that were from relationships she had while married to my son. They were estranged for years but she played the “poor widow” card to the police the other day.

Oh and supposedly she is going to get remarried next year to a guy in jail right now for inappropriately touching children!
My son must be rolling over in his grave right now.

Back to the kids. I pray they win a future for themselves. Dear husband and I still believe the definition of real love is Sacrificial to Self, Beneficial to others. We love them.

It will be tough having young life drama in our lives again. But it’s time before it’s too late. They were just existing at their mother’s and her mother’s house. Going nowhere. No future. Oh and her mother is a hoarder.

You can imagine how these 3 grandchildren have been growing up. I concentrated so much on their dad for years but now it’s over.
They need the attention now.
Probably should have had it all along.

Drugs…

 

[ksm]

I feel your pain. I wonder if she is getting your son's SS benefits for all the kids and that is why she wants to keep them?

I worry about living long enough to see my great grandchild reach adulthood...he has been with us for over 2 years. His mom "lives here" but is rarely here, and if she is, is usually sleeping, and if awake, grumpy.

Maybe if CPS does get involved, the other kids will get some help, too.

Ksm

 

[Crayola14]

Your former daughter-in-law must think those accusations against her fiancé are false. Otherwise, I cannot imagine she would have anything to do with him.

I’m so sorry about your grandchildren.

 

[lovemysons]

Ksm… yes she receives social security benefits from my son’s death for our 3 grandchildren plus she receives child support from another father and the last child’s father is dead also. 5 kids altogether. 3 that are our grandchildren.

Crayola…this person accused and incarcerated for inappropriately touching a child is someone she according to the kids has known for years. My 14 year old granddaughter looked him up online and found out this information on him. Mom has told them it’s a lie.

 

[Copabanana]

They took my grandson away in handcuffs.

This is terrible. Imagine a mother doing this to her child. I am so, so sorry. I would hope that I would do the same. I think it was the right thing to call CPS.

 

[lovemysons]

Copa…
As sad is that is that his own mother threw him under the bus to protect herself, my grandson still defends her in a way and says she’s not a bad person she just needs help.
She has also told them if they tell authorities that she relapsed on Meth that she will kill herself. So she’s put that threat on them as well.
My grandson has already lost one parent. He doesn’t want to lose his mom too.

 

[Copabanana]

my grandson still defends her in a way and says she’s not a bad person she just needs help.

This is what all children do. Because if they face what their parents really are, they feel they lose everything, even themselves.

 

[lovemysons]

It’s so sad Copa. So incredibly sad what our grandchildren have been through.

CPS is at my mom’s at this very moment interviewing my grandson. I pray he will not be afraid to tell the truth. I pray for a positive outcome and change for all of the kids. I pray their mother gets the help she needs and has to take an honest look at herself.

 

[ksm]

I'm praying for you right now. Please update us when you can.

Ksm

 

[Copabanana]

I am praying right now, a little late. Please let us know. Heartbreaking.

 

[lovemysons]

Thank you ksm and copa for the prayers.

My grandson was interviewed and told them everything except about the drugs mom revealed to them she was using again as of 4 months ago. He said he couldn’t muster it.

CPS told me unless the kids have seen their mother do drugs or she comes back positive on a drug test (if they do one) that there is not much they can do.

Mom did give her consent for our grandson to live with us and go to school. We are picking up grandson tomorrow from my mom’s house and going to his other grandmother’s house where his mother and all of the kids have been living.
She won’t let us have the 14 year old granddaughter though. Likely because 14 year old granddaughter has had all the responsibility in that house. Whatever mom doesn’t want to do granddaughter does for the family. She is very mature and has the best chance at a successful future in my opinion if her mom will get her back in school. She used to be in honors classes.

So tomorrow changes will take place for our grandson and for us. I hope he is happy with us and that we provide him with a safe loving stable environment. And clean too!

CPS will be at mom’s tomorrow morning. We are expected to be by there in the afternoon to pick up our grandson’s things. Hopefully there are no problems between all of the adults.

Thanks for listening and caring.

 

[ksm]

Maybe with cps involved, the mom will have to do better...

I hope the transition goes smoothly and he can thrive in a new environment.

Ksm

 

[Copabanana]

Will CPS monitor that the kids go to school?

I am thrilled for you and thrilled for your grandson. So happy. How life changes.

 

[Nomad]

Stopped by quickly. Sigh. So sorry to read this. So very sad. I’m glad mom gave her consent. You are in my prayers.

 

[New Leaf]

Oh boy, this is a “been there done that” for me. So glad you are a lifeline for your grandson, hopefully the CPS radar will focus on his sibs and give them the support they need. The system here in Hawaii is definitely overwhelmed. We dealt with them for years, trying to get stability for our grands. Prayers going up LMS.
I just went through all the paperwork I received from CPS to foster my grands, they came to me in 2019. Back then, I kept a journal and calendar to note the challenges we faced, doctors, dentists, counseling, etc. My grandsons had a hard time transitioning to normalcy and looking back, I was the “safe place” for a lot of acting out. There are some good books you can find online for working with kids who have lived with trauma. I also had my grandsons evaluated and they were both diagnosed with PTSD, which helped to get them accommodations in school. They ended up navigating back to their paternal aunt, one has since graduated and is married, the other a senior in high school and we are all hoping he graduates. I became legal guardian for my granddaughter, who will be 16 soon. She has her moody teen moments, but thankfully for the most part is stable.
Please make sure to take time for yourself. I had some stressful challenges with my grandsons and needed all the strength I could muster to keep my sanity. I hope that you will have support, and that your grandson will find peace of mind in your home. What a tough thing to go through for all of you. God bless you for opening your home and giving him a chance for a better life. Prayers for strength and prayers that your other grands will find their way to you folks.
(((Hugs)))
New Leaf

 

[lovemysons]

Well New Leaf and all of you…things are not going according to plan.
So far this week my mom has tried repeatedly to get ahold of my grandson’s mom to get her to give us a caregiver power of attorney and immunization records that I need for school as well as Choctaw tribal benefits since we have Indian lineage. Mom has not been responsive. Her mom communicated with my mom last night that grandson’s mom had left the house and she didn’t know when she’d be back.

Today at around 4:25 grandson’s mom texted me and told me she would be coming to pickup grandson tonight for a Dr appointment tomorrow. So I have no idea what’s going to happen tonight.

I’m about to let my grandson know if anything happens or he feels suicidal he should call 911 immediately.

Grandson told me from conversation he’s had with his mom in the past few days, that we are trying to brainwash him. He knows we aren’t. We repeatedly tell him the focus is on him having a future.

This is so sad. I know she doesn’t love any of her children like she pretends to. But the reality as a child to know your parent doesn’t have your best interest at heart especially in lieu of the fact that his other parent is deceased, has got to be so devastating and depressing.

When CPS interviewed grandson the other day he did tell them that at times he’s suicidal. He also told them how he would kill himself…an overdose. CPS had my mom get him an evaluation which she did through a suicide hotline. They came out to the house and interviewed him.

Grandson was not in immediate danger but they did say he needs to see a psychiatrist and get counseling asap. So I’ve been trying to get information from his mom so that I can get him tribal benefits and healthcare as well as enroll him in school. But mom has not been cooperative and now she’s coming to get him tonight. This is a very fluid situation.

Meanwhile things have been going great here at our house. Grandson and I cooked a meal together yesterday and I taught him how to do his laundry. This is a child who before we taught him didn’t even know how to cut a steak properly. Literally his mom has allowed her kids to exist while not doing much for them. Today my husband printed some division and multiplication sheets for him to work on. I think he will thrive here.

Well correction. Grandson just let me know mom will be here in the morning to pick him up, so no drama tonight thank G-d! I hate evening drama. Reminds me of my 2 sons back in hellish days.

So I’ll let y’all know how that goes. Also 14 year old granddaughter has let my grandson know that she is considering running away and that she doesn’t want to live there. I have let CPS know. They told me they are not in charge of custody. ???

I don’t think either my grandson or 14 year old granddaughter told CPS about their mom relapsing on Meth. Which is truly unfortunate but they are afraid mom will kill herself.

Sad that the kids are more interested in their mom’s well being than their mom is for theirs.

Thanks for listening and being here for me. And sharing your experiences. I pray for a positive outcome for all of our grandchildren.

 

[KTMom91]

Many hugs. I am following along and keeping you all in my prayers.

 

[Deni D]

I'm praying for all of you. This sounds like just the start of it. It seems you are the port in the storm for all of your grandchildren. I can tell they have not had typical childhoods, so far, dealing with a mother who's not equipped to be a parent. I don't fault her for it so much, being a single parent is very hard. But I hope she comes to her senses and considering the circumstances and help offered, puts her children first. I hope she takes advantage of the help that's offered and uses it to work on herself to get healthy enough to parent them "along with the village" she's lucky enough to have for her and her children. I can imagine she might be feeling attacked as a mother right now but hope there's a way to soften that to support for her along with your beloved grand children. Seems to me maybe the other grandmother is the one to step in to maybe talk to her to let help happen.

 

[lovemysons]

This is what I first wrote to mom when I asked her on the phone if the kids could come live with us and go to school up here…

J is unhappy being homeschooled. She gets depressed and has headaches.
J is not in school at all and doesn't know how how to do much to prepare him for 18 years old. He is also very depressed and wants counseling.
I have the time to enroll them in regular school and get them involved in extra curricular activities too like tennis and karate.
They are not thriving at your house. They are not prepared to succeed in life as adults.
You can keep your tax right offs and social security on them. We just want them to have opportunities to succeed in life unless you plan on them living with you and your mom the rest of their lives.
Right now they are not ready for their futures.
Please give them a chance to succeed. They don't have much time left.

This was her response.
Y'all already had a chance to f*** up your own kids and you did a damn good job at it! Why would I give you a stab at ruining mine??

Our son the passed away is the only one who was seriously troubled and an addict.

She immediately attacked me. I guess it’s because she felt attacked.
I hope she will do what’s best for the kids now but I doubt it because she’s already lost custody in the past for drug use. And her mom had custody.

I hate to say this because I know it sounds terrible but dear husband and I are not ready or able to raise our youngest granddaughter who is 11. She is a force to be reckoned with!
We cannot relive the kind of years we had with our 2 sons when they were teenagers.
And I emotionally I shouldn’t deal with that kind of rebellion anymore. I do have bipolar disorder and take lots of medication but I don’t know what it would take to cause my mind to break again like it did in 2007 when I had to be hospitalized. I can’t go through that again. I was mostly in bed for 5 years afterwards while my mind healed.

So we are willing to help our 2 oldest grandchildren and maybe her mom can take care of the 3 youngest. I just don’t know.

Thank you all for your prayers.

 

[Copabanana]

I am concerned for you, as I would be for myself. What your daughter-in-law wrote to you is cruel and heartless. I know she must feel like a trapped animal. But the thing is, an animal attack hurts, even if you know that it's just their nature. I fear that she is not going to do this calmly. Duh.
Can your husband be the point person here, and do the communicating and negotiating with the children's mother, their other grandmother, and CPS?
Your daughter-in-law has already shown that she is willing to sacrifice the kids for her welfare and addiction.
It saddens me greatly but it does not surprise me that your grandson cannot yet save himself by telling the truth about his mother's drug use.
What is their other grandmother like? Is there a chance that she might help you and your grandsons?
You must save yourself or you will be unable to help these children at all. Your health is of the highest priority, because sick, you can't help anybody. How I wish life was easier.