What a late afternoon and

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Wiped Out, Apr 13, 2010.

  1. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    evening. I was at the health club after work trying to squeeze in a workout before heading to see difficult child. While at the club the social worker from the psychiatric hospital called. She asked what we needed for difficult child to come home and I replied we needed him to be safe. She asked what if that didn't happen. Had we considered residential? She said she thinks it is definitely something we need to talk about if not for now then maybe for the future.

    Then I went to visit difficult child. Our visit started off great and we went to the gym to play badminton. They have a small net set up and we were having a really fun time playing. At one point (I'm not sure why) difficult child got frustrated and accidentally knocked down the net. When we couldn't it get it back together he became very upset. I tried to redirect him to playing basketball (no go). Then he started swearing at me, screaming at me, and grabbed my sweatshirt near my neck and threatened me. I ended up going for help and he ended up spiraling from there (I've seen him worse but I don't think the hospital has seen him quite so escalated before). He even tried to block me from leaving (at the same time he started smiling when the other staff stepped in.

    By the time I got to my car I just sat and cried.

    Later the psychiatrist called. She also brought up residential but did think we could also still work on the medications. Interestingly enough, husband's therapist also brought it up today.

    I'm beyond exhausted (wish I had a day to sleep in tomorrow).
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Yeah- that sounds like more than a full day, even for a difficult child Mom. I am wondering, Sharon, have these people known all alone about how aggressive difficult child is becoming at home- especially towards you? I know it's really hard to cross that line in your mind of your child not living at home and always being the primary caretaker- 24/7. I hope you can get some rest, regroup, talk to the other family members and the doctors some more, than make a decision knowing in your heart that it's the best decision you can make for all involved.
  3. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Whatever is decided as the next step for difficult child, I would absolutely insist that he be stabilized on medications before he is released again. Failing that, I would ask about a partial day treatment program. Residential Treatment Center (RTC) may eventually be what he needs, but the medications HAVE to be straightened out or he's not going to make any kind of progress in any facet of his life. in my opinion it will just be setting him up for repeated psychiatric hospital visits. If they only half treat the problem, how can they expect him to make any gains? And how can YOU be expected to maintain any degree of energy or resiliency for dealing with him? You don't need a ping-pong game. (Geez, here come the sports metaphors)... you need a full-court press!

    I vote for you calling in sick and playing hookey, if only to sleep in and just spend some healing down time doing absolutely nothing.
  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    K-I think they have known, we have always been honest with them. It is hard to be seriously thinking about it. husband and I have a lot to discuss along with the doctors and other support people.

    Gvcmom-They will definitely be working on the medications. They're worried though that it might not be enough. Also he always seems stable when they release him because he does so well in the structure of the hospital. Wish I could follow your advice about playing hooky-just don't have enough sick time built up. by the way, love the sports metaphors-it made me lol.
  5. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    I'm sorry, Sharon. It's so hard to see them like that and then leave them, even though you know you are doing what is best. It really hurts our mommy hearts.

    I will keep all of you in my thoughts and pray that what is best for difficult child comes to fruition.

  6. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Oh Sharon - I'm so sorry. I know it's a kick in the gut to hear "Residential Treatment Center (RTC)" coming out of the mouths of professionals. I think... well, I know that you and husband will continue to do the very best you can (which is far better than I was ever able to do with- my violent kid).

    I am glad that staff got to see difficult child really in action.

    Any chance that this may lead to reinstitution of respite/crisis services for you guys? I certainly hope that now that it seems that the docs are really understanding the level of violence you guys are living with that they will help you get more supports in the home.

    Many gentle hugs to you, hon.
  7. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Heather-Thank you for the good thoughts and prayers.

    Sue-It was really hard to hear from the professionals. husband and I will keep doing our best (believe me we haven't done better than you-you're one of my heroes).

    We had a transition meeting today and they did extend the respite services for 3 months.
  8. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    So glad that you are getting some help, hoping medications and maturity kick in.
  9. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Hugs. Eventually they will admit that medications aren't enough and the can't fix it so that difficult child is safe. It takes
    a while.
    I keep hoping that your difficult child will have a breakthrough and realize he can be different.
  10. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I really hope you ask for someone to be within site of you & difficult child next visit. I know it is not what you want, but it is for the both of you really. You know he does not want to hurt you. Protect you both from having to live with any serious events.