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What Adult Priveleges are Left?
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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 460727" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px">Reading through Susies post made me realize that I did have some adult privileges at a younger than most age, like pierced ears ar 12 (my mom gave in I begged her, was supposed to wait until 13). Pierced ears were okay at our house at 12 as well. Pierce anything else had to wait until 15 and facial piercings never under my roof. I didn't want to see my daughters' beautiful faces marred by eyebrow and lip piercings, ew. Body piercings? Well, difficult child did her nipples at 17/18 and I didn't know about it til after and as long as I didn't have to see them, well, her business. Stupid in my opinion, but her business.</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px">I wore my first bikini at 11, just as my body was beginning to bud and I recall my father questioning my mom over it, she defended her permission, stating I was still a girl (erm, um, no). My mom had a [bad] habit of keeping the focus of outer beauty on her daughters and I've said it before, there was definitely an underlying sexualization going on in my house growing up, by my mom, which was ironic because she herself was sexually abused growing up so you'd think she'd be the opposite. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px">Clothing? Nope, we had conservative clothing that was a combo of store bought and homemade-my mom made a good portion of our clothes up until jeans became the thing. I do recall not being allowed to wear pants in elementary school until all the women teachers (and a few brave men) protested the women teachers rights to wear slacks, lol. Then all females were allowed-that was strange. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px">I wasn't prudish with the girls as they developed but there were a few times when discussions had to be had about belly baring shirts and short short skirts. easy child was always prudish on her own, difficult child gave me some grief but not so bad as she usually covered up with some giant ugly sweatshirt. lol. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px">We didn't receive allowances growing up. There were five of us spread out over 17 years and my parents made ends meet but rarely had extra. We were expected to "pull our weight" -that was our contribution to the household. So we did all sorts of yard work, painting, housework, etc. There isn't I chore I didn't learn or figure out about as a kid. And my kids had chores from the time they could walk, seriously. Dusting, helping to feed the fish, sweeping, emptying garbages, etc. Why not? It wasn't hard labor and I always just explained to them that we ALL work together to help each other and keep the house nice. Never needed further explaining, it was always a part of their lives. Even difficult child did chores, she wasn't difficult about it till later on, but even then she did them to earn privileges. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px">When I was a kid, we did go see movies, at the drive in, A LOT. My mom loved movies, so I saw all sorts of movies. I even saw Woodstock as a kid of only 10 I think and I think my mom was relying on me falling asleep in the back seat before the racier parts. Well, there was a lot of nudity. I saw MANY movies rated all the way up to R with my mom. My dad couldn't sit in theaters or in the car for long, so she'd drag me with her. Once in a great while she would simply say, "close your eyes for a moment" and that was it. Otherwise she explained nudity as natural and only being skin in different shapes and sizes, that the human body was created by God and is a work of art. Hahahahaha. That cracks me up now. I didn't allow my kids to see many movies and none R rated until over 18 and even then I would try to dissuade them!!</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px">Anyway, no sodas except at the movies or McDonalds, which we went to twice a year. I still don't care for soda. My brother would bring it home once in a while and we'd all get so excited!! </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px">Oh and bedtimes! I never really had a specific bedtime growing up and if I did, I recall creeping into the hallway just far enough to listen to the tv without my parents seeing me, but they must have had xray vision because many times they would call out, "Hello Peanut, go back to bed now" and that was my cue. Summertime, we'd stay up all night and camp out back. School year, usually by 9PM. My girls had betimes always. Up until 4th grade it was 7:30-ish. Then 8:30-ish. In HS I aimed for 10, was lucky if I got their lights out by 11. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px">For family vacations, we went camping for a week in the woods, in a tent, as late as October when we'd wake with frost on our noses! And my Mom would take us on a long hike every day to wear us out. Or swimming in the lake/pond.</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px">I think the problems we are seeing with irresponsibility among our young adults can be traced back to not enough parenting, too much too soon, no responsibility, and lack of self esteem. Many of our kids were rewarded for doing nothing special, think soccer...every kid gets a trophy. Why? If yours wasn't the winning team why do you all get trophies? If a kids paper has 21 misspelled words and zero punctuation, why did she get a C? She should've had the paper handed back to her to do over! </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px">Our schools and parents didn't worry about infusing us with self esteem for two reasons: it wasn't on their radar and if it was, they knew we would develop good self esteem witH the satisfaction of hard work, persistence and the good feeling of a job well done. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px">Edited to add: While I agree that some kids receive adult privileges too soon, I also think the bigger part of the problem is that many children are not held responsible along the way. We have always told our girls that with freedom comes responsibilities. It's just a fact of life. If you want to have freedoms, you must work for them, which in turn holds them responsible. Now, I am not saying that my simply worded philosophy works with every kid every time because, clearly, it does not. I thought I was raising both my girls with the same values, etc., and I was for the most part. However, concessions were made in the case of difficult child and as a result, she is still learning at age 21 what easy child figured out at age 16. </span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 460727, member: 2211"] [COLOR=#008080][SIZE=2]Reading through Susies post made me realize that I did have some adult privileges at a younger than most age, like pierced ears ar 12 (my mom gave in I begged her, was supposed to wait until 13). Pierced ears were okay at our house at 12 as well. Pierce anything else had to wait until 15 and facial piercings never under my roof. I didn't want to see my daughters' beautiful faces marred by eyebrow and lip piercings, ew. Body piercings? Well, difficult child did her nipples at 17/18 and I didn't know about it til after and as long as I didn't have to see them, well, her business. Stupid in my opinion, but her business. I wore my first bikini at 11, just as my body was beginning to bud and I recall my father questioning my mom over it, she defended her permission, stating I was still a girl (erm, um, no). My mom had a [bad] habit of keeping the focus of outer beauty on her daughters and I've said it before, there was definitely an underlying sexualization going on in my house growing up, by my mom, which was ironic because she herself was sexually abused growing up so you'd think she'd be the opposite. Clothing? Nope, we had conservative clothing that was a combo of store bought and homemade-my mom made a good portion of our clothes up until jeans became the thing. I do recall not being allowed to wear pants in elementary school until all the women teachers (and a few brave men) protested the women teachers rights to wear slacks, lol. Then all females were allowed-that was strange. I wasn't prudish with the girls as they developed but there were a few times when discussions had to be had about belly baring shirts and short short skirts. easy child was always prudish on her own, difficult child gave me some grief but not so bad as she usually covered up with some giant ugly sweatshirt. lol. We didn't receive allowances growing up. There were five of us spread out over 17 years and my parents made ends meet but rarely had extra. We were expected to "pull our weight" -that was our contribution to the household. So we did all sorts of yard work, painting, housework, etc. There isn't I chore I didn't learn or figure out about as a kid. And my kids had chores from the time they could walk, seriously. Dusting, helping to feed the fish, sweeping, emptying garbages, etc. Why not? It wasn't hard labor and I always just explained to them that we ALL work together to help each other and keep the house nice. Never needed further explaining, it was always a part of their lives. Even difficult child did chores, she wasn't difficult about it till later on, but even then she did them to earn privileges. When I was a kid, we did go see movies, at the drive in, A LOT. My mom loved movies, so I saw all sorts of movies. I even saw Woodstock as a kid of only 10 I think and I think my mom was relying on me falling asleep in the back seat before the racier parts. Well, there was a lot of nudity. I saw MANY movies rated all the way up to R with my mom. My dad couldn't sit in theaters or in the car for long, so she'd drag me with her. Once in a great while she would simply say, "close your eyes for a moment" and that was it. Otherwise she explained nudity as natural and only being skin in different shapes and sizes, that the human body was created by God and is a work of art. Hahahahaha. That cracks me up now. I didn't allow my kids to see many movies and none R rated until over 18 and even then I would try to dissuade them!! Anyway, no sodas except at the movies or McDonalds, which we went to twice a year. I still don't care for soda. My brother would bring it home once in a while and we'd all get so excited!! Oh and bedtimes! I never really had a specific bedtime growing up and if I did, I recall creeping into the hallway just far enough to listen to the tv without my parents seeing me, but they must have had xray vision because many times they would call out, "Hello Peanut, go back to bed now" and that was my cue. Summertime, we'd stay up all night and camp out back. School year, usually by 9PM. My girls had betimes always. Up until 4th grade it was 7:30-ish. Then 8:30-ish. In HS I aimed for 10, was lucky if I got their lights out by 11. For family vacations, we went camping for a week in the woods, in a tent, as late as October when we'd wake with frost on our noses! And my Mom would take us on a long hike every day to wear us out. Or swimming in the lake/pond. I think the problems we are seeing with irresponsibility among our young adults can be traced back to not enough parenting, too much too soon, no responsibility, and lack of self esteem. Many of our kids were rewarded for doing nothing special, think soccer...every kid gets a trophy. Why? If yours wasn't the winning team why do you all get trophies? If a kids paper has 21 misspelled words and zero punctuation, why did she get a C? She should've had the paper handed back to her to do over! Our schools and parents didn't worry about infusing us with self esteem for two reasons: it wasn't on their radar and if it was, they knew we would develop good self esteem witH the satisfaction of hard work, persistence and the good feeling of a job well done. Edited to add: While I agree that some kids receive adult privileges too soon, I also think the bigger part of the problem is that many children are not held responsible along the way. We have always told our girls that with freedom comes responsibilities. It's just a fact of life. If you want to have freedoms, you must work for them, which in turn holds them responsible. Now, I am not saying that my simply worded philosophy works with every kid every time because, clearly, it does not. I thought I was raising both my girls with the same values, etc., and I was for the most part. However, concessions were made in the case of difficult child and as a result, she is still learning at age 21 what easy child figured out at age 16. [/SIZE][/COLOR] [/QUOTE]
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