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What are your triggers?
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 454778" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>While Nichole was still very much unstable I made the very grave mistake to sit down and watch family movies of when the kids were small. With Nichole I have them from the time she was born. Seeing her as she was when she was young.........it undid me. Not that she didn't have her moments back then, but it was the attitude about life in general that was different. And also.......Aubrey. Which was bad because with Aubrey they lived here the first years after she was born. Aubrey is a carbon copy of her mother (who is a carbon copy of me).....to the point where everyone often slips and calls Aubrey Nichole. But Aubrey would do something that would trigger a memory, and wham! I did a lot of biting my lip.</p><p></p><p>The movies were a big undoer for Travis too. Back then I had so many hopes for the future. And I look at his very young ones and chastise myself for not trying harder to convince docs of what was going on for him to be diagnosed much sooner. But then I remind myself of all the many specialists we saw over the years and cut myself a break. </p><p></p><p>Nichole is stable and doing well. Travis is Travis and acceptance has come and it really IS ok. I can't imagine him any other way than the way he is, and honestly I'm not so sure I want him to change. While his disabilities prevented him from reaching some of the high hopes I had for him, well I like him just the way he is, he turned out to be a rather awesome person regardless.</p><p></p><p>Katie.......I don't know where to start. So much lost potential there. It hits me every time I see or talk to her kids. Her life was so vastly different from the life she forces them to live that I just want to beat the snot out of her or shake her until her brain rattles. </p><p></p><p>I don't look at home movies anymore. I may never look at them again. Walking Darrin to his class on the first day of school made me nostalgic and I had some eye watering going on in the car. I miss those years. I miss being a stay at home mom. I miss the fun I used to have with my kids despite the difficult child issues. While I did my best to savor every moment of it, it still went by much much too fast.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 454778, member: 84"] While Nichole was still very much unstable I made the very grave mistake to sit down and watch family movies of when the kids were small. With Nichole I have them from the time she was born. Seeing her as she was when she was young.........it undid me. Not that she didn't have her moments back then, but it was the attitude about life in general that was different. And also.......Aubrey. Which was bad because with Aubrey they lived here the first years after she was born. Aubrey is a carbon copy of her mother (who is a carbon copy of me).....to the point where everyone often slips and calls Aubrey Nichole. But Aubrey would do something that would trigger a memory, and wham! I did a lot of biting my lip. The movies were a big undoer for Travis too. Back then I had so many hopes for the future. And I look at his very young ones and chastise myself for not trying harder to convince docs of what was going on for him to be diagnosed much sooner. But then I remind myself of all the many specialists we saw over the years and cut myself a break. Nichole is stable and doing well. Travis is Travis and acceptance has come and it really IS ok. I can't imagine him any other way than the way he is, and honestly I'm not so sure I want him to change. While his disabilities prevented him from reaching some of the high hopes I had for him, well I like him just the way he is, he turned out to be a rather awesome person regardless. Katie.......I don't know where to start. So much lost potential there. It hits me every time I see or talk to her kids. Her life was so vastly different from the life she forces them to live that I just want to beat the snot out of her or shake her until her brain rattles. I don't look at home movies anymore. I may never look at them again. Walking Darrin to his class on the first day of school made me nostalgic and I had some eye watering going on in the car. I miss those years. I miss being a stay at home mom. I miss the fun I used to have with my kids despite the difficult child issues. While I did my best to savor every moment of it, it still went by much much too fast. [/QUOTE]
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