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What can you do about internet and cell phone harassment?
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 201193" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>MWM, you have definitely done the right thing.</p><p></p><p>Bran said, "I was bullied as a kid and my mom did not really understand how horrific it was for me at school. It was torture. I played sick for weeks at a time to avoid school."</p><p></p><p>I couldn't even play sick. My mother sent me to school regardless; I had to be running a high fever to get out of school; even then I often still had to go. I also got the "walk away and ignore them" talk, but again, you can't walk away when the gang of them have you surrounded and they're laying into you with fence palings. What REALLY upset me was the teachers on playground duty -I know they could see what was going on, but they refused to intervene or get involved at all. I was told that I had to go to the teacher and complain, they required the victim to at least do this much before they would interfere. Again, not easy when the bullies are between you and the teacher. I never saw a teacher standing there watching, but I often saw them standing side on, looking out of the corner of their eye and trying to look as if they hadn't noticed.</p><p></p><p>A couple of times I managed to get into the school library where I was sure I could be safe. But appealing to the school librarian to allow me to stay I there to keep away from the girls who were beating me up - sorry, no dice. She tossed me out. I was happy to sit and read a book, but because there were other girls following me and making noise, she tossed me out too because I was attracting the bullies.</p><p></p><p>We lived too far away from the school for my mother to visit. I had to handle it myself. So I went to the headmistress and reported it - only then did anything get done. Some girls were suspended. The beatings increased because I had "dobbed". Although I was scared and had been warned that if I dobbed again, I'd get beaten even more, I told the principal again. Because some girls were still on suspension, a fresh lot of bullies got suspended - a longer session because they had already been warned. When the first lot of suspended girls came back and the beatings continued, I dobbed again. By now I had no friends - any kids who weren't actually beating me up were avoiding me because I was a target and they could be targetted just by association. I felt I had no support from staff other than the principal and she was a very busy person, I was beginning to feel she was getting very impatient with me. Looking back, I don't recall my mother really understanding what I was going through. She had me in counselling because my self-esteem was rock-bottom and she couldn't understand why I felt so bad about myself. I remember telling her when a beating dislocated my kneecap, thinking that perhaps I should see a doctor even though I had put it back in myself; but I thought the problem through. Yes, every time I dobbed, I got more beatings and for a while they were worse. But they would then taper off again because every time I got beaten I would dob, and the principal would suspend a few more. Surely I would eventually run out of bullies at this rate? Or if not, the principal would ring my mother and ask her to send me to another school for my safety.</p><p></p><p>So I dobbed. Again and again. It was only about the fourth time I reported yet another incident, that the bullies began to get expelled. About that time it began to change - less physical, but the verbal stuff was ramping up. And back in those days, "sticks and stones" was the principle. Verbal stuff was not considered an issue. I had previously alerted a teacher to graffiti scrawled into the timber of my desk that stated, "I hate Marg M..." and all the teacher was concerned about was the vandalism to the desk.</p><p></p><p>Once the ringleaders were expelled the bullying did ease a bit. Then I got a brainwave, helped by my mother - maybe she felt as powerless as I had felt. I brought a large number of home-grown mandarins to school and shared them with the bullies. I walked up to them and offered them some fresh fruit, taking one myself at the same time so they knew I hadn't done anything to sabotage them. I stayed friendly, I did my best to not act scared, they asked me why I was being nice to them and I said it was better than being afraid. Something about turning the other cheek.</p><p></p><p>I'm not suggesting you tell your daughter to turn the other cheek. It was what I did, under those particular circumstances, to hose down the last few flames of what was stubbornly refusing to die.</p><p></p><p>What I am trying to say - you always should stand up to them. Even if it makes it worse to begin with - you stand up to them calmly. Legally. And you keep following through. Once you set your foot to that path, you continue. You can't change your mind and back out or it will be worse than doing nothing and allowing it to continue.</p><p></p><p>Standing up to bullies, or doing ANYTHING to try to stop it, greatly reduces the stress caused by the bullying. Doing nothing will allow the stress to keep increasing. It also makes you feel more powerless.</p><p></p><p>You intervened. You showed your daughter she doesn't deserve this and that there are GOOD ways to deal with this and to make it stop. That is a lesson that will stay with her for the rest of her life. YOu have turned this bullying experience from a bad one to a positive learning opportunity. She will come out of this more empowered than she was before the bullying started. Thanks to you.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 201193, member: 1991"] MWM, you have definitely done the right thing. Bran said, "I was bullied as a kid and my mom did not really understand how horrific it was for me at school. It was torture. I played sick for weeks at a time to avoid school." I couldn't even play sick. My mother sent me to school regardless; I had to be running a high fever to get out of school; even then I often still had to go. I also got the "walk away and ignore them" talk, but again, you can't walk away when the gang of them have you surrounded and they're laying into you with fence palings. What REALLY upset me was the teachers on playground duty -I know they could see what was going on, but they refused to intervene or get involved at all. I was told that I had to go to the teacher and complain, they required the victim to at least do this much before they would interfere. Again, not easy when the bullies are between you and the teacher. I never saw a teacher standing there watching, but I often saw them standing side on, looking out of the corner of their eye and trying to look as if they hadn't noticed. A couple of times I managed to get into the school library where I was sure I could be safe. But appealing to the school librarian to allow me to stay I there to keep away from the girls who were beating me up - sorry, no dice. She tossed me out. I was happy to sit and read a book, but because there were other girls following me and making noise, she tossed me out too because I was attracting the bullies. We lived too far away from the school for my mother to visit. I had to handle it myself. So I went to the headmistress and reported it - only then did anything get done. Some girls were suspended. The beatings increased because I had "dobbed". Although I was scared and had been warned that if I dobbed again, I'd get beaten even more, I told the principal again. Because some girls were still on suspension, a fresh lot of bullies got suspended - a longer session because they had already been warned. When the first lot of suspended girls came back and the beatings continued, I dobbed again. By now I had no friends - any kids who weren't actually beating me up were avoiding me because I was a target and they could be targetted just by association. I felt I had no support from staff other than the principal and she was a very busy person, I was beginning to feel she was getting very impatient with me. Looking back, I don't recall my mother really understanding what I was going through. She had me in counselling because my self-esteem was rock-bottom and she couldn't understand why I felt so bad about myself. I remember telling her when a beating dislocated my kneecap, thinking that perhaps I should see a doctor even though I had put it back in myself; but I thought the problem through. Yes, every time I dobbed, I got more beatings and for a while they were worse. But they would then taper off again because every time I got beaten I would dob, and the principal would suspend a few more. Surely I would eventually run out of bullies at this rate? Or if not, the principal would ring my mother and ask her to send me to another school for my safety. So I dobbed. Again and again. It was only about the fourth time I reported yet another incident, that the bullies began to get expelled. About that time it began to change - less physical, but the verbal stuff was ramping up. And back in those days, "sticks and stones" was the principle. Verbal stuff was not considered an issue. I had previously alerted a teacher to graffiti scrawled into the timber of my desk that stated, "I hate Marg M..." and all the teacher was concerned about was the vandalism to the desk. Once the ringleaders were expelled the bullying did ease a bit. Then I got a brainwave, helped by my mother - maybe she felt as powerless as I had felt. I brought a large number of home-grown mandarins to school and shared them with the bullies. I walked up to them and offered them some fresh fruit, taking one myself at the same time so they knew I hadn't done anything to sabotage them. I stayed friendly, I did my best to not act scared, they asked me why I was being nice to them and I said it was better than being afraid. Something about turning the other cheek. I'm not suggesting you tell your daughter to turn the other cheek. It was what I did, under those particular circumstances, to hose down the last few flames of what was stubbornly refusing to die. What I am trying to say - you always should stand up to them. Even if it makes it worse to begin with - you stand up to them calmly. Legally. And you keep following through. Once you set your foot to that path, you continue. You can't change your mind and back out or it will be worse than doing nothing and allowing it to continue. Standing up to bullies, or doing ANYTHING to try to stop it, greatly reduces the stress caused by the bullying. Doing nothing will allow the stress to keep increasing. It also makes you feel more powerless. You intervened. You showed your daughter she doesn't deserve this and that there are GOOD ways to deal with this and to make it stop. That is a lesson that will stay with her for the rest of her life. YOu have turned this bullying experience from a bad one to a positive learning opportunity. She will come out of this more empowered than she was before the bullying started. Thanks to you. Marg [/QUOTE]
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