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<blockquote data-quote="goldenguru" data-source="post: 287768" data-attributes="member: 1545"><p>This is part of the 'pattern' of domestic violence. It's call contrition. The abuser abuses - becomes apologetic - makes all manner of promises to change - 'never to do it again' yada yada- and he/she is back 'in good graces'. It is classic.</p><p></p><p>"She stays because she likes stuff". I don't buy it. Sorry. At the deepest part of L - she does not like being hit. In some warped, pathological way she might expect this (being hit). She might even think she deserves this. But, no way she likes it.</p><p></p><p>I work in a domestic violence shelter. I have talked to lots of women who are abused - who return to their assailants - and I have yet to meet one who likes it. After working through some stuff - they begin to understand why they tolerate abuse. Few of them are 'enticed' to stay. But, stay they do. For reasons that are as complex as the individuals in domestic violence situations.</p><p></p><p>Is L. a victim? I don't know. But, there are enough red flags - that if she were my daughter - I would at least want her to have good information about the cyclical nature of DV. </p><p></p><p>And Fran for what it's worth - I agree with the notion that responding to violence with violence is very counterproductive. And hitting children - and calling it discipline - is counterproductive as well.</p><p></p><p>Hands are not for hitting. Ever.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="goldenguru, post: 287768, member: 1545"] This is part of the 'pattern' of domestic violence. It's call contrition. The abuser abuses - becomes apologetic - makes all manner of promises to change - 'never to do it again' yada yada- and he/she is back 'in good graces'. It is classic. "She stays because she likes stuff". I don't buy it. Sorry. At the deepest part of L - she does not like being hit. In some warped, pathological way she might expect this (being hit). She might even think she deserves this. But, no way she likes it. I work in a domestic violence shelter. I have talked to lots of women who are abused - who return to their assailants - and I have yet to meet one who likes it. After working through some stuff - they begin to understand why they tolerate abuse. Few of them are 'enticed' to stay. But, stay they do. For reasons that are as complex as the individuals in domestic violence situations. Is L. a victim? I don't know. But, there are enough red flags - that if she were my daughter - I would at least want her to have good information about the cyclical nature of DV. And Fran for what it's worth - I agree with the notion that responding to violence with violence is very counterproductive. And hitting children - and calling it discipline - is counterproductive as well. Hands are not for hitting. Ever. [/QUOTE]
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