What do you do...

[flutterby]

....when you're depressed and you don't want to do anything, but you don't want to do nothing? But when you do something, you go...eh...and don't want to be doing it.

I think I waited too long to increase my medications.

I want to be left alone with no demands on me, but I don't want to be alone.

Nothing "fits" and nothing makes sense right now. I see therapist Wednesday. I think I'll call tomorrow and see if she has any cancellations for earlier in the week.

And I really don't like Thanksgiving. I'd like to just skip out on it all together, but everyone would be upset. Plus, I have to be the buffer between difficult child and my mom.

I'm just rambling. Sorry. Just feeling kinda lost. Don't like the feeling one bit.

Thanks for listening.

 

[Hound dog]

Maybe pick something that was always a special just for you thing to do and see if that perks up your interests a bit more?

 

[Fran]

Sometimes I feel like I want to run away.
I take a few hours alone. I hole up in my room or the family room with a blanket, a magazine and the tv and just veg. Then I pick up and move on. It's my time for a recharge but I can't let those feelings settle into me or I might not ever get up.
Your feelings and mine are probably not the same. I just wanted to share that I understand how you feel and hope you know that it is temporary and will get better.

 

[jbrain]

Hi Flutterby,
I'm sort of feeling the same way myself. I think I'm kind of depressed but don't know why. I've got the migraines I was suffering from under control now but I just feel "blah." I don't want to do the things I normally enjoy but don't want to just hide away either. I think maybe the upcoming holidays have me down too. Anyway, just wanted to say I understand and you have company!
Jane

 

[JJJ]

....when you're depressed and you don't want to do anything, but you don't want to do nothing? But when you do something, you go...eh...and don't want to be doing it.

OMG I remember that feeling. It's awful. I hope you can get into therapist soon and the does increase kicks in. (((HUGS)))

 

[crazymama30]

I put my headphones on and get the music lout enough so that I cannot hear anyone, and play computer games, check the board, check out facebook.

If I can get away from the house I will go for a drive in the woods. I stayed out in the woods for 4hrs one time. Drove for awhile, sat and stared for a good while, read my book.

Sometimes I can't do anything, just cannot concentrate for long enough to do anything. Sometimes anything feels like nothing, and it feels like nothing is possible.

 

[klmno]

I kind of do what Fran and crazymamma do except I use that time as a reward to myself- for instance, if I know I absolutely have to get some phone calls made and go to the store today, I will force myself to go ahead and do those things, keeping it in the back of my mind that I am going to put off some other things to have some "me" time or "mental health time". Usually, if I get on the board for a while or play a game for a liitle bit, if something in particular is really bugging me I am able to think about it more clearly, then I have to write it out. That works wonders for me but it (my writing) might go thru some emotional phases before it gets better.

As you know, the holidays can really play havoc on a person's mood. I try to pretend that they only exist if I plan to celebrate that year. Other than sending difficult child a funny card, I am ignoring TG this year- I will give thanks on that day, but I'm ignoring a traditional dinner.

 

[Abbey]

For me, work is my savior. It gets me up and going, even though it's pretty much a cruddy job. Otherwise I'd probably sit and mull over stuff 24/7. I don't do much outside of that.

I did invite a friend from work over for dinner tonight. In the back of my head I'm thinking...I have to go to sleep at 7 in order to get up at 1am. But then I just said...screw it. It's nice to have a friend.

Find something that will get you out and about and distract your thoughts. Repainting a room in crazy colors, raking cool piles of leaves, learning an instrument...it could be anything.

Sorry you're feeling so down.

Abbey

 

[hearts and roses]

Sleep, work, sleep some more. I literally have to force myself to do something, even if it's drag difficult child/easy child with me to walk through a store.

I'm sorry you're in the gap between taking the medications and the medications working - I hope it works quickly.

 

[timer lady]

Heather, you've shared many of your medical issues, your difficult child issues it's no surprise the holidays get here & you're depressed.

As you know, my brain is somewhat scrambled & I have these same lows. I found the more homebound I became the worse it got. I forced myself outside each day - even if it was to do yardwork.

I spend time, mostly reading, losing myself in something humorous; getting out my art or playing piano. Anything to shut down the thoughts.

I've also set up a routine that I didn't have before. I schedule almost every minute of the day (because of my memory) but I've found that keeps me on task. I'm managing my fatigue & pain through that routine.

Mostly, it's just the things that make me smile - my music, my art, reading all wrapped up in a warm afghan. Time to sort out & journal.

 

[totoro]

I honestly don't know sometimes, I honestly don't know how you do it some days.
But I look at my cats and hug them, now Dexter, I read things on-line, magazine, a book, something stupid on TV, the birds outside.

Somedays I just cry. I just sit and feel sorry for myself.
Somedays I hate the world because I think everyone has it easier than me. Then I listen to music and feel a bit better.

I hope you can get in earlier. You really are a strong woman.

 

[Shari]

I allow myself to throw a pity party for a set amount of time, then I force myself to do something I "should" enjoy for an hour. Usually, I find at the end of that hour, I am truly enjoying it. If not, I allow myself to quit and repeat the process later.

Sorry you're feeling so badly.

 

[flutterby]

Thank you, ladies, for your caring words and understanding.

I ended up spending my evening in total darkness, which was actually very soothing. It was peaceful. I lied in bed on my fancy schmancy sheets; it was overcast so there was no moon and it was completely dark. It took me a couple hours to go to sleep, which normally irritates me, but the cats were curled up against me and I just stayed in the moment. I let my mind wander where it would and found some peace in the quiet and darkness.

I got my appointment with therapist moved up to tomorrow. Thank goodness for cancellations.

And the property manager called to renew my lease. This will be our third lease here and the rent has stayed the same. I fully expected an increase because the SD passed another levy, so that was a welcome surprise. And I have the security of knowing I will be here another year. I love this house and never want to leave, but the insecurity of renting bothers me. That might have been playing into this, too. I was worried that the rent would increase to where we couldn't afford to stay.