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What done means/meant to you?
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<blockquote data-quote="janebrain" data-source="post: 129950" data-attributes="member: 3208"><p>I guess my "done" moment came when we reluctantly let difficult child 1 come back to our house after she went to New England with boyfriend during the summer--she was having pseudo seizures out there, kept going to the ER, and finally decided she wanted to come home and get her medical issues under control and get her life together. She was full of plans--she would get a job, go to community college, etc. Except she didn't--she would look for jobs with the computer til I made her go around with me and apply various places in person. She hung out with friends, used our house like it was motel, etc. </p><p></p><p>It was very stressful for all of us and I was starting to "get it" that her younger sister was suffering especially by having her home. I told difficult child she had to move. The boyfriend was in another part of our state and supposedly she was going to go where he was but I could see she really didn't want to go. She told me he was going to come to our town and they would get a place together.</p><p></p><p>Well, he did show up sometime in the night--I saw strange shoes in our house in the morning. I went to difficult child's room and told her he did not have permission to be spending the night at our house and that the two of them had better get out.</p><p></p><p>She said they were going to leave but she had to get packed. I spent the morning fuming and waiting for them. I had agreed to give them a ride downtown. Now I can't remember what happened but something made me really angry and I told them to get out now, that they could catch a bus. difficult child screamed that she hated me and I screamed back that I hated her too. The boyfriend started approaching me in a menacing manner and I had my cell phone in my hand and said if he didn't back off I would call the police. difficult child got between us and he cooled down. I watched them walk out the door and immediately locked it and all the other doors. I watched them walk up the street to catch the bus, looking as happy as could be. I was so relieved--I felt nothing but relief and joy that they were gone and I knew she would never, ever, live in my house again. I truly was done.</p><p></p><p>As you know, we have since reconciled and there is no animosity at all between us anymore, but I do know that she cannot live in my house, that has not changed. When she left I made the decision that difficult child 2 must come first and due to abuse from difficult child 1 she cannot live with her sister.</p><p></p><p>I think that "done" moment was very empowering--it set me on the path to being strong for difficult child 2 and husband and me and also set difficult child 1 on the path of taking responsibility for herself and her actions. I don't think she would be nearly as far along as she is now in terms of maturity and "getting it" if I hadn't been "done".</p><p></p><p>Thanks for asking!</p><p>Jane</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="janebrain, post: 129950, member: 3208"] I guess my "done" moment came when we reluctantly let difficult child 1 come back to our house after she went to New England with boyfriend during the summer--she was having pseudo seizures out there, kept going to the ER, and finally decided she wanted to come home and get her medical issues under control and get her life together. She was full of plans--she would get a job, go to community college, etc. Except she didn't--she would look for jobs with the computer til I made her go around with me and apply various places in person. She hung out with friends, used our house like it was motel, etc. It was very stressful for all of us and I was starting to "get it" that her younger sister was suffering especially by having her home. I told difficult child she had to move. The boyfriend was in another part of our state and supposedly she was going to go where he was but I could see she really didn't want to go. She told me he was going to come to our town and they would get a place together. Well, he did show up sometime in the night--I saw strange shoes in our house in the morning. I went to difficult child's room and told her he did not have permission to be spending the night at our house and that the two of them had better get out. She said they were going to leave but she had to get packed. I spent the morning fuming and waiting for them. I had agreed to give them a ride downtown. Now I can't remember what happened but something made me really angry and I told them to get out now, that they could catch a bus. difficult child screamed that she hated me and I screamed back that I hated her too. The boyfriend started approaching me in a menacing manner and I had my cell phone in my hand and said if he didn't back off I would call the police. difficult child got between us and he cooled down. I watched them walk out the door and immediately locked it and all the other doors. I watched them walk up the street to catch the bus, looking as happy as could be. I was so relieved--I felt nothing but relief and joy that they were gone and I knew she would never, ever, live in my house again. I truly was done. As you know, we have since reconciled and there is no animosity at all between us anymore, but I do know that she cannot live in my house, that has not changed. When she left I made the decision that difficult child 2 must come first and due to abuse from difficult child 1 she cannot live with her sister. I think that "done" moment was very empowering--it set me on the path to being strong for difficult child 2 and husband and me and also set difficult child 1 on the path of taking responsibility for herself and her actions. I don't think she would be nearly as far along as she is now in terms of maturity and "getting it" if I hadn't been "done". Thanks for asking! Jane [/QUOTE]
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