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What done means/meant to you?
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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 130260" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>When it comes my daughter, I'm not sure that DONE is in my vocabulary. I've been beaten by her. She stolen from me, my friends, her friends, her classmates and teachers. She has lied to school and CPS, claiming I have physically abused her, men that I have dated sexually abused her. Saying the word "no" to her guaranteed she would run away -- that one started at age 5. For 3 years, shoplifting and cutting school was a way of life. While she has tried marijuana and alcohol, that was more in the vein of typical teen experimentation. Her Residential Treatment Center (RTC) came when I found out how much school she was missing and how much shoplifting was occurring. Fortunately for me, most of this behavior has stopped.</p><p> </p><p>The things that have not stopped -- verbal abuse, extreme sense of entitlement, logic that makes no sense to anyone (even her if someone pretends to say/argue her viewpoint as theirs), anger issues, lack of responsibility. She does tell some interesting stories about her life on MySpace and I have gotten emails from kids telling me I should be arrested. I just shrug and go on living my life the best way I can.</p><p> </p><p>Much of the present-day behavior is more in the way of immaturity at work. She can be and frequently is verbally abusive. I have told her that if she ever steals from me again or physically abuses me or even threatens to hit me ever again, I will call the police. I do mean this and will stick by it. </p><p> </p><p>The verbal abuse is simply words. I don't bother hearing the vitriol when it spews. If possible, I'll walk away. If not, I'll simply block her out and tune into other sounds around me (ADHD can become very useful).</p><p> </p><p>If I ever do have to call the police on her, I'll still be there for her. I may not bail her out. I may not give her beyond the basic necessities while in jail, but I'll always be there to hold her hand, give her a shoulder to cry on, arms to hug her. She's my daughter no matter what she says or does.</p><p> </p><p>Star, I don't know your whole story. I don't know Dude's. However, I do understand both of you have been in situations that no human should ever have to face. I don't know what your son has done in the past that warranted so many out-of-home placements but I'm assuming they were extreme behaviors and the placements were necessary.</p><p> </p><p>However, all that has happened to both of you has got to make things that much harder. I honestly think that had you not been abused you might be able to tolerate his behavior better. Had his past not been so checkered, he might have a better chance to survive. You have PTSD at the very least. He has major anger issues. It's a nasty mix and there's no question he needs more help than you can give him.</p><p> </p><p>Are you done? I don't think so. You're angry, hurt and probably scared but you love Dude. It shows. Let's hope they can find him a placement soon -- one that will honestly help him grow. Sadly, he needs so much help, not just with lifeskills but with coping in this world. I'm also willing to bet you'll be there for him to help him in any way you can. Just be willing to accept that the way you can may not be the way other mothers can.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 130260, member: 3626"] When it comes my daughter, I'm not sure that DONE is in my vocabulary. I've been beaten by her. She stolen from me, my friends, her friends, her classmates and teachers. She has lied to school and CPS, claiming I have physically abused her, men that I have dated sexually abused her. Saying the word "no" to her guaranteed she would run away -- that one started at age 5. For 3 years, shoplifting and cutting school was a way of life. While she has tried marijuana and alcohol, that was more in the vein of typical teen experimentation. Her Residential Treatment Center (RTC) came when I found out how much school she was missing and how much shoplifting was occurring. Fortunately for me, most of this behavior has stopped. The things that have not stopped -- verbal abuse, extreme sense of entitlement, logic that makes no sense to anyone (even her if someone pretends to say/argue her viewpoint as theirs), anger issues, lack of responsibility. She does tell some interesting stories about her life on MySpace and I have gotten emails from kids telling me I should be arrested. I just shrug and go on living my life the best way I can. Much of the present-day behavior is more in the way of immaturity at work. She can be and frequently is verbally abusive. I have told her that if she ever steals from me again or physically abuses me or even threatens to hit me ever again, I will call the police. I do mean this and will stick by it. The verbal abuse is simply words. I don't bother hearing the vitriol when it spews. If possible, I'll walk away. If not, I'll simply block her out and tune into other sounds around me (ADHD can become very useful). If I ever do have to call the police on her, I'll still be there for her. I may not bail her out. I may not give her beyond the basic necessities while in jail, but I'll always be there to hold her hand, give her a shoulder to cry on, arms to hug her. She's my daughter no matter what she says or does. Star, I don't know your whole story. I don't know Dude's. However, I do understand both of you have been in situations that no human should ever have to face. I don't know what your son has done in the past that warranted so many out-of-home placements but I'm assuming they were extreme behaviors and the placements were necessary. However, all that has happened to both of you has got to make things that much harder. I honestly think that had you not been abused you might be able to tolerate his behavior better. Had his past not been so checkered, he might have a better chance to survive. You have PTSD at the very least. He has major anger issues. It's a nasty mix and there's no question he needs more help than you can give him. Are you done? I don't think so. You're angry, hurt and probably scared but you love Dude. It shows. Let's hope they can find him a placement soon -- one that will honestly help him grow. Sadly, he needs so much help, not just with lifeskills but with coping in this world. I'm also willing to bet you'll be there for him to help him in any way you can. Just be willing to accept that the way you can may not be the way other mothers can. [/QUOTE]
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