What I was afraid of...
- Thread starter CAmom
- Start date
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
Well [expletive]!
Im sure your heart is absolutely breaking over this turn of events. Dont you just want to shake them sometimes until their eyes roll and their brains rattle to get some sense into them? I have often wondered just what planet their common sense escaped to when they mess up so royally.
Maybe this will get him transferred to a different program and not simply back to JH. I dont know, he needs to wake up and smell the coffee that he has to get with the program and he isnt in charge.
Im sure your heart is absolutely breaking over this turn of events. Dont you just want to shake them sometimes until their eyes roll and their brains rattle to get some sense into them? I have often wondered just what planet their common sense escaped to when they mess up so royally.
Maybe this will get him transferred to a different program and not simply back to JH. I dont know, he needs to wake up and smell the coffee that he has to get with the program and he isnt in charge.
everywoman
Well-Known Member
First, I am so sorry that he chose this as a means of getting attention or making you feel quilty.
Repeat after me...
"I did not do this." "I am not responsible."
He made the choice to do this himself. He will try to lay the blame on you. Get ready for the onslaught.
Your son certainly has issues that need to be addressed. Let the people who know what they are doing address those issues with your imput. I've said before, if I had stopped falling for my difficult child's manipulation, maybe things would not have gotten as bad as they got.
Repeat after me...
"I did not do this." "I am not responsible."
He made the choice to do this himself. He will try to lay the blame on you. Get ready for the onslaught.
Your son certainly has issues that need to be addressed. Let the people who know what they are doing address those issues with your imput. I've said before, if I had stopped falling for my difficult child's manipulation, maybe things would not have gotten as bad as they got.
CAmom
Member
Katmom, I'm repeating, I'm repeating...
Before they put him on the phone last night, I could hear him in the background asking, "Is my mom crying?" So, when they put him on the phone, I bit my lip to keep my cool and did so.
He didn't try to lay any guilt on me, however, and just said that he didn't know why he did what he did but that his head was "really messed up." I responded only that he was surrounded by professionals who could help him with whatever was going on with him, but it was up to him to take advantage of their help.
My husband and I are, of course, devastated by this, but are grateful that he's in the hands of people who know what they're doing, as you said. Sigh...
Before they put him on the phone last night, I could hear him in the background asking, "Is my mom crying?" So, when they put him on the phone, I bit my lip to keep my cool and did so.
He didn't try to lay any guilt on me, however, and just said that he didn't know why he did what he did but that his head was "really messed up." I responded only that he was surrounded by professionals who could help him with whatever was going on with him, but it was up to him to take advantage of their help.
My husband and I are, of course, devastated by this, but are grateful that he's in the hands of people who know what they're doing, as you said. Sigh...
Good for you, CAMom!
Sometimes I have a really hard time not crying in the presence of my difficult child. I have learned that it doesn't help at all...in fact it makes her more angry---guess she sees it as a weakness. She doesn't seem to have the ablility to empathize, at least with me.
Sometimes I have a really hard time not crying in the presence of my difficult child. I have learned that it doesn't help at all...in fact it makes her more angry---guess she sees it as a weakness. She doesn't seem to have the ablility to empathize, at least with me.
SunnyFlorida
Active Member
The first words out of my mouth are WHAT??? :smile: It's almost like a dare.....
I'm so sorry CaMom. But...you did fantastic :bravo: You held yourself together and didn't fall apart and didn't feed into any of the traps.
I know how heartbreaking this is and I know you wish this nightmare of a rollercoaster would end. It will....sometime...we just don't know when.
Keep repeating what Katmom said "it's not my fault" it's his choices. I know Suz and Scenty have both sent you the Serenity Prayer.
He's where he needs to be, we'll be saying a prayer that he stays there too.
(((sunny hugs)))
I'm so sorry CaMom. But...you did fantastic :bravo: You held yourself together and didn't fall apart and didn't feed into any of the traps.
I know how heartbreaking this is and I know you wish this nightmare of a rollercoaster would end. It will....sometime...we just don't know when.
Keep repeating what Katmom said "it's not my fault" it's his choices. I know Suz and Scenty have both sent you the Serenity Prayer.
He's where he needs to be, we'll be saying a prayer that he stays there too.
(((sunny hugs)))
Ephchap
Active Member
CA Mom,
First and foremost ... sending mega hugs your way. I can only imagine your heart slipping down to your knees when you received that phone call.
I agree with the, "I did not do this" chant. This has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with your son, and attention getting or whatever is going on. Thankfully, as you said, he's with professionals who know how to deal with it.
I know that does nothing for the pit in your stomach, but your reaction on the phone was great.
Sending more hugs. Hang in there.
Deb
First and foremost ... sending mega hugs your way. I can only imagine your heart slipping down to your knees when you received that phone call.
I agree with the, "I did not do this" chant. This has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with your son, and attention getting or whatever is going on. Thankfully, as you said, he's with professionals who know how to deal with it.
I know that does nothing for the pit in your stomach, but your reaction on the phone was great.
Sending more hugs. Hang in there.
Deb
CAmom
Member
Karen, Loris, Janet, Sunny, Kat, everyone--THANKS for the kind words and for being here. It helps SO much!
I must be doing something right--my son called again last night and still hasn't said a word about this incident being anyone's fault except his own. No blame, guilt trips, etc.--well, not yet anyway. I'm amazed...
I must be doing something right--my son called again last night and still hasn't said a word about this incident being anyone's fault except his own. No blame, guilt trips, etc.--well, not yet anyway. I'm amazed...
CAmom
Member
Deb, thanks for the hugs and support. I have been sick about this--not only that he would do something so potentially dangerous (I've read up on this cold medicine on the Internet) but that he could have so easily blown his chance to complete the great program that he's in. He can SO much be his own worst enemy...
KFld
New Member
You will learn, and it sounds like you already are, how much impact your reactions have on his behaviors. I am amazed when I look back at how much impact the changes I have made in my life and my responses have positively impacted my difficult child and his ways of thinking and acting.
tiredmommy
Well-Known Member
CAMom-
{{{Hugs}}} I hope he starts to climb upward from here.
{{{Hugs}}} I hope he starts to climb upward from here.
Merris
New Member
I'm so sorry. What are these kids thinking? My difficult child smoked pot 2 days before he was to be released from Residential Treatment Center (RTC)?!?!?!
I'm glad you were strong and your difficult child isn't playing the blame game with you. Stay strong. Maybe he is just testing because he wants to see if you will respond.
Hugs
Merris
I'm glad you were strong and your difficult child isn't playing the blame game with you. Stay strong. Maybe he is just testing because he wants to see if you will respond.
Hugs
Merris
CAmom
Member
Merris, you know, I have often wondered and still do if it has something to do with a fear of failure.
My son, a couple of weeks before he could have earned his way home for Christmas, snuck out the window with a couple of boys after bedtime, and they were caught in the yard smoking a cigarette. He was already anxious about coming home because he was apparently very tempted when in the company of his neighborhood friends when he was home for Thanksgiving.
It was almost like it was a relief to him to settle the issue of the visit home by doing something to ensure that the possibility was taken off the table. I've seen him do similar things so many times.
Your son smoking pot two days before his release reminded me of this.
My son, a couple of weeks before he could have earned his way home for Christmas, snuck out the window with a couple of boys after bedtime, and they were caught in the yard smoking a cigarette. He was already anxious about coming home because he was apparently very tempted when in the company of his neighborhood friends when he was home for Thanksgiving.
It was almost like it was a relief to him to settle the issue of the visit home by doing something to ensure that the possibility was taken off the table. I've seen him do similar things so many times.
Your son smoking pot two days before his release reminded me of this.
