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What is a lie?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 658402" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>thanks, Copa. I really thought she'd have the ability to quit snooping. After all, she wanted NC with me, yet she is letting me upset her life because she doesn't like my experience in our family. She wants to believe it isn't true and that it's all me. Lots of gaslighting there. She even considers posting anonymously on a safe board where nobody knows me or her is trying to "destroy her." I think if her anon. buddies there knew what this destruction consisted of, which she does not explain, they would think she was paranoid. </p><p></p><p>But she does know who *I* am and it bothers her when I "expose" her in a very anon. way to a bunch of people she doesn't know, even though most of this board aren't even involved in our FOO healing adventure. Copa have I given away her identity? Cedar, do you know who she is? Of course not. Trying to destroy her would mean going to her peeps and telling them all the gossip and bad stuff she told me about them and she couldn't deny it because I know things I would not know if she hadn't told me. I could do it. There are ways. A real borderline may. I really have no interest in destroying her. She is good enough at doing that herself. Proof: She has been with a man who will not introduce her to his children and spends every holiday with his ex-wife and is overly jealous of her and checks up on her an d even she called abusive for five years. Would any of you have put up with that? FIVE YEARSS? Enough about her and be done with it. </p><p></p><p>Yes, I wish she didn't snoop, but she does. We can PM or else I can talk about my healing process leaving her out of it. The main abuser, the one who started it, was my mother. Sorry, but "WHen I held you in my arms, I felt nothing, absolutely nothing," refusing to hold me, yelling at me horrible names, taunting and mocking me constantly and giving none of us any skills to take into the world is abuse in my opinion and if anybody disagrees with me, I'm good with that. There are people who think it is ok to beat a child with a belt. They say, "My Dad did it and it made me respect me and I'm just fine and I do it to my own kid." They don't recognize that they were abused. Or maybe it isn't abuse to them. </p><p></p><p>I don't care.</p><p></p><p>This is my healing place and my story. I was abused by my entire very small family, except for my grandmother, which ticked off my mother. And grandmother had a mean streak too that I could see, although it was not leveled at me. If I could see that she could be mean to others, certainly others could see the incredible abuse this other lady threw at me? Yes, I yelled at her when she yelled at me and said horrible things to me and I said horrible things to her. BUT I WAS THE KIlD!</p><p></p><p>Speaking or destruction my mother tried to and did destroy me with the rest of my family, and she did me a huge favor. I truly don't think I would have found THIS husband, who is capable of close intimacy, and had lovely kids with him and a great life if I had been squashed in between my FOO. They were not normal and, as my therapist says, it was on the very very bad end, just before sexual and physical abuse. It was as bad as it could get except for that. I agree with her. Somebody else may not.</p><p></p><p>Guess what? Who cares?</p><p></p><p>I'm still here. I'm still listening. I will share, just try hard to leave sis out of it. </p><p></p><p>You know the biggest gaslight of all?</p><p></p><p>I truly believed it was all my fault and that Sis was the normal one.</p><p></p><p>How sad is that?If you are told you are NOTHING long enough by your own mother, you believe it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 658402, member: 1550"] thanks, Copa. I really thought she'd have the ability to quit snooping. After all, she wanted NC with me, yet she is letting me upset her life because she doesn't like my experience in our family. She wants to believe it isn't true and that it's all me. Lots of gaslighting there. She even considers posting anonymously on a safe board where nobody knows me or her is trying to "destroy her." I think if her anon. buddies there knew what this destruction consisted of, which she does not explain, they would think she was paranoid. But she does know who *I* am and it bothers her when I "expose" her in a very anon. way to a bunch of people she doesn't know, even though most of this board aren't even involved in our FOO healing adventure. Copa have I given away her identity? Cedar, do you know who she is? Of course not. Trying to destroy her would mean going to her peeps and telling them all the gossip and bad stuff she told me about them and she couldn't deny it because I know things I would not know if she hadn't told me. I could do it. There are ways. A real borderline may. I really have no interest in destroying her. She is good enough at doing that herself. Proof: She has been with a man who will not introduce her to his children and spends every holiday with his ex-wife and is overly jealous of her and checks up on her an d even she called abusive for five years. Would any of you have put up with that? FIVE YEARSS? Enough about her and be done with it. Yes, I wish she didn't snoop, but she does. We can PM or else I can talk about my healing process leaving her out of it. The main abuser, the one who started it, was my mother. Sorry, but "WHen I held you in my arms, I felt nothing, absolutely nothing," refusing to hold me, yelling at me horrible names, taunting and mocking me constantly and giving none of us any skills to take into the world is abuse in my opinion and if anybody disagrees with me, I'm good with that. There are people who think it is ok to beat a child with a belt. They say, "My Dad did it and it made me respect me and I'm just fine and I do it to my own kid." They don't recognize that they were abused. Or maybe it isn't abuse to them. I don't care. This is my healing place and my story. I was abused by my entire very small family, except for my grandmother, which ticked off my mother. And grandmother had a mean streak too that I could see, although it was not leveled at me. If I could see that she could be mean to others, certainly others could see the incredible abuse this other lady threw at me? Yes, I yelled at her when she yelled at me and said horrible things to me and I said horrible things to her. BUT I WAS THE KIlD! Speaking or destruction my mother tried to and did destroy me with the rest of my family, and she did me a huge favor. I truly don't think I would have found THIS husband, who is capable of close intimacy, and had lovely kids with him and a great life if I had been squashed in between my FOO. They were not normal and, as my therapist says, it was on the very very bad end, just before sexual and physical abuse. It was as bad as it could get except for that. I agree with her. Somebody else may not. Guess what? Who cares? I'm still here. I'm still listening. I will share, just try hard to leave sis out of it. You know the biggest gaslight of all? I truly believed it was all my fault and that Sis was the normal one. How sad is that?If you are told you are NOTHING long enough by your own mother, you believe it. [/QUOTE]
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