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General Parenting
What is forgiveness?
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<blockquote data-quote="tiredmommy" data-source="post: 71185" data-attributes="member: 1722"><p>Witz,</p><p>I was neglected & overlooked by my mother as a child. I resented (and even hated) her for the conditions under which I was raised. I hated her for never stepping in to change those circumstances, never parenting my brother or myself, and because she walked away from us. Her abandonment left a huge and aching hole in me.</p><p>She has defended being passed out and hung over on her one day of the week she saw her children. She was drunk at the one parent-teacher conference she attended. She got me high at eleven and was hitting on my male friends by the time I was 15. She even tried to get me to date her much older friends when I was a teen. There was absolutely not one shred of anything motherly about the woman.</p><p>Yet, she is my mother.</p><p>And the only one I've got.</p><p>She'll never truly change. I know this. I'm certain beyond the shadow of a doubt that she does not care about any more than she cares about a stranger on the street.</p><p>But she's still my mother.</p><p>I carried around a lot of anger, resentment and rage through my teens and early twenties stemming from this hatred I felt. I realized it was eating me alive, and I didn't want to be consumed by this anymore. Because it was wasted on her... but because she really just doesn't care. It was now a problem for me to solve, knowing full well that her becoming a better parent wouldn't ever happen. She would always be a horrible mother. But I could be a good enough daughter to accept this about her and move on with my life. I figure I'm a good daughter by living my life well, not in spite of her. But because she has messed up everything else good in her life (including my brother) and I'm worth saving. </p><p>If it takes forgiveness and acceptance to do that, then I guess I've forgiven and accepted her.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="tiredmommy, post: 71185, member: 1722"] Witz, I was neglected & overlooked by my mother as a child. I resented (and even hated) her for the conditions under which I was raised. I hated her for never stepping in to change those circumstances, never parenting my brother or myself, and because she walked away from us. Her abandonment left a huge and aching hole in me. She has defended being passed out and hung over on her one day of the week she saw her children. She was drunk at the one parent-teacher conference she attended. She got me high at eleven and was hitting on my male friends by the time I was 15. She even tried to get me to date her much older friends when I was a teen. There was absolutely not one shred of anything motherly about the woman. Yet, she is my mother. And the only one I've got. She'll never truly change. I know this. I'm certain beyond the shadow of a doubt that she does not care about any more than she cares about a stranger on the street. But she's still my mother. I carried around a lot of anger, resentment and rage through my teens and early twenties stemming from this hatred I felt. I realized it was eating me alive, and I didn't want to be consumed by this anymore. Because it was wasted on her... but because she really just doesn't care. It was now a problem for me to solve, knowing full well that her becoming a better parent wouldn't ever happen. She would always be a horrible mother. But I could be a good enough daughter to accept this about her and move on with my life. I figure I'm a good daughter by living my life well, not in spite of her. But because she has messed up everything else good in her life (including my brother) and I'm worth saving. If it takes forgiveness and acceptance to do that, then I guess I've forgiven and accepted her. [/QUOTE]
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