What is going ON with my 15 year old daughter??

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by fabfive, Aug 8, 2013.

  1. fabfive

    fabfive New Member

    This is going to be long.

    For the most part, daughter had been bordering on being a easy child all of her life. She met her milestones SUPER early (very, very verbal at an early age, taught herself to read at 3, always scored highest in her grade on standardized testing, etc) and was generally just a happy go lucky kid. When she was 5 she had bacterial meningitis and she was very, very ill. I always wonder if that has played a part in some of her issues- I just don't know. There were a few times I have questioned if she's bi-polar based on how she goes from being completely over the top giddy to totally down in just a matter of minutes.

    I thought everything was going well with her last year. I saw no signs that made me think otherwise. I decided to start monitoring her online activity. I always told her I would not "spy" on her because I had no reason to not trust her. BIG mistake on my part. I found so many things out. She had a twitter account and it was full of lies. Things like we are abusive to her, how she is failing at school (she has perfect grades), etc. The worst was that I found her "plan" for a school shooting. She had an actual PLAN to shoot the school up. Now, I have no idea how she was actually going to do this since she has NO access to any weapons but her "plan" was so beyond disturbing. We went straight to a treatment facility. It was there that I found out she was being bullied horribly, was severely depressed, and had homicidal/suicidal thoughts every.single.day. She stayed for a few days and we followed up with counseling and a psychiatrist who diagnosed her as ADD and put her on Concerta. She was also put on Prozac. I have questioned the ADD diagnosis. I have a 10 year old and he is textbook ADHD. daughter doesn't really seem to fit much of the criteria of ADD. He also said he sees signs of Asperger's but she's basically on that "line" where she has traits but not really enough for a diagnosis. I thought she was doing well with her medications and they were helping. Yet another mistake. I mean, she tells me she's fine and I don't see any reason to NOT believe her.

    She started her freshman year. A few weeks into the school year go by and I get a call from the Principal. She had been talking about school shootings and told some kids she had a plan. I thought we were OVER that????!!! The Principal said we had 1 option- get our psychiatrist to sign a note saying he did not feel she is a threat to herself or anyone else. Although he didn't feel she was, he obviously was not going to do that. Our only other option was to let them expel her or for us to withdraw her for "medical reasons." We withdrew her. I let her do online school for a couple of months. We moved and she started HS in a new district which she claims to love. I took away her computer and all she has been allowed to have is her iTouch. She told me she did not have any social media sites which I did not know about (she has a facebook that I monitor). She does not know that whenever she uses her google account, it saves in the history so I have been watching everything she does. Everything was fine for a few months and then I saw she was googling how much Concerta she would need to take to kill herself, how to strangle herself with a plastic bag, etc. We hid everything we thought could possible pose a danger to her. Obviously we did not think hard enough because 2 days ago she tried to drink nail polish remover. And then yesterday she came out of her room with her arm completely cut up- she used a little pin on the end of a button. I had no idea she has ever even contemplated cutting let alone doing it. She told me she did not feel safe with herself and needed to go to the hospital. She was admitted to a treatment facility last night.

    Once again, here we are completely baffled that she has been this depressed and is still struggling almost every day. She is beyond obsessed with school shootings. She thinks she's in love with one of the boys who was involved in Columbine. She googles the.most.bizarre things. I saw she googled that she think she's a pedophile! When I asked her about it she said it was just a joke! Who JOKES about things like that and googles it all of the time? I also found out she has a tumbler filled with more bizarre ****. I don't know what to think or do anymore. I am terrified she is going to hurt herself. Her googling pedophilia stuff always worries me because I am afraid she will hurt her younger siblings. When I brought that up to the crisis counselor at the hospital she didn't even seem to think it was a big deal. I should also mention she is bi-sexual and from what she googles, she feels she like she is the wrong gender. I know LGBT teens have the highest rate of suicide attempts but we are very supportive of her and she claims no one at school has ever bullied her because of being bi.

    What worries me most is how "normal" she appears but how she internalizes everything. She doesn't give us any trouble at home and with the exception of the incident at school last year, she has never had a behavior problem at school. She's generally pleasant to be around. She has a tendency to get "stuck" on a certain topic she's obsessed with and that's when I see what I think is Asperger's popping up. I do notice her moods shift really quickly and she sleeps A LOT (this also worries her- she googles it all of the time) but she IS a teenager. I tell her she can ALWAYS talk to me about ANYTHING and I need to know if she is feeling suicidal. She always says she will but the only time I EVER know about it is when I check up on her. And that's when she admits it and freaks out and worries we will be upset with her. We have never been mad at her and we will do whatever it takes to help her.

    I am just so terrified. I felt a sense of relief last night with knowing I could sleep easier and not worry that I will walk in her room in the morning and find her dead. So she's safe for the next few days but then the never ending worrying will start up again.
  2. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Hello and welcome!

    (((Hugs))) - you are on a stressful path to be sure, but please know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

    I agree that ADD does not even begin to explain your daughter's behaviors. While she is hospitalized - can you request a more thorough diagnosis?
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there and sorry you have to be here, but there are good people here who will support you. I hope they have better ideas than me. As I have never dealt with a kid who threatened herself or others in that sort of way, I'm not sure HOW to deal with it. What does her psychiatrist think? It is really odd that she seems to act normal yet post such scary thoughts. Can you tell us more about her back history? Infancy? Toddlerhood? Any chaos in her early years? Is your hub her bio. dad? I'm stuck on the bullying.

    I was bullied badly as a kid, but back then, before social media, it never crossed my mind to talk about hurting other people and I was unwilling to let the bullies make me hurt myself, although I did have suicidal thoughts that were there long after the bullying ended. Bullying is a crappy experience. I also had a mood disorder and that did NOTHING for my mood disorder!!!! Do you think maybe she is depressed or bipolar? Do you have it on the family tree? Just throwing out some ideas there.
  4. fabfive

    fabfive New Member

    Some background-
    I had really bad morning sickness but no other pregnancy complications. She was born on time (induced) and my delivery was normal.
    Infancy- perfect baby, really. Rarely cried, slept wonderfully.
    Toddler- she had some quirks here and there but nothing that I really thought was too odd. Like I said earlier, she was very verbal, very smart. I honestly thought she was a genius. :)
    When she was 5 she was very, very sick. She had an ear infection that we didn't even know about (she never once complained, had no symptoms). One day she became very lethargic (we could NOT get her to wake up) and her fever was over 105. Hours and hours later we found out that her ear infection caused mastoiditis which then spread and caused meningitis. Her blood pressure dropped really low and her first night in the PICU was touch and go. She spent a week in the hospital and then was on strong medications through a PICC line for a month. They told us she would not remember most of it but she does.
    One day when she was 8 we woke up to the police knocking on our door. She had snuck out of the house very early in the morning and was found 2 miles from our house at a very busy intersection. Some lady saw her walking and called the police. SHE GOT INTO THE CAR WITH THIS LADY!! A complete STRANGER and we had years of pounding it into her head to NEVER do that. What if that woman hadn't have been someone who was concerned about her safety? I still get sick when I think of that morning. She told the police a different name and address- she said she was her Aunt (they are only 3 years apart) and she lived at my mom's house. The whole thing was soooooooo messed up. Apparently she just wanted to visit grandma. I don't know? It was by far one of the strangest things she had ever done.
    My father is bi-polar. He has attempted suicide several times.
    I tried to kill myself when I was 17. I have been diagnosed with depression (really seasonal depression) and anxiety. I take Effexor and I am doing well on it.
    My husband's brother has SEVERE schizophrenia.
    My husband is her bio-dad.
    Her psychiatrist thinks she might be bi-polar and he sees spectrum signs in all but 1 of my kids. My oldest son is the most severely effected but he does okay. She is very resentful towards him, thinks he gets away with everything (he doesn't but there are just things he doesn't understand, Know what I mean??). Our 10 year old was just officially diagnosed as Asperger's this year. He also has severe ADHD. She seems to get along with him the best. Our 8 year old is our little spitfire but he's also a sweetie. She's pretty mean to him. Our 4 year old is our girly girl and she has a love/hate relationship with her.
    Academically she made all A's and B's this year but failed History. She said it was the teacher's fault though "because he doesn't know how to teach." She says she has friends but I don't really think she does. She never has friends over nor asks to go anywhere and she says most girls her age are "vapid." She would rather spend her time at the library or writing or drawing. She will carry around like 8 books at a time (I am not exaggerating) and kids have made fun of her for that. She packed her bags for the hospital and when I came home to get them she had a backpack full of 10 books- for 5 days at most at an intensive treatment facility.
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Sounds like you do have a lot of Aspies in your family tree and, believe it or not, I just found out that people with bipolar in the family are more likely to have Aspie (or bipolar) children. Nobody knows yet why there is an Aspie connection.

    I would keep a very close eye on your daughter since she does and says dangerous things. Is she on any medication? How often does she see the psychiatrist? She doesn't sound pure Aspie to me...or pure bipolar, but I'm not a professional. It does sound like she is very moody and since this is strong with you I would keep an eagle eye on that.

    Nothing is worse for bipolar or any mood disorder than stimulants. I'd consider a second psychiatrist opinion.
  6. fabfive

    fabfive New Member

    She's on Concerta and Prozac and has been for a little over a year. I don't notice ANY difference if she forgets her Concerta (it is VERY noticeable if my 10 year old doesn't have his). I don't think the Prozac helps too much either especially if she has still thought about suicide almost daily. Of course this is all brand new info to me. And I am STILL digging into her tumblr and have been for over 2 hours and I really, really wonder about her now, more so than ever. It's like her tumblr is some giant shrine to the Columbine killers, how much she "misses" them (WTF? She was a BABY when it happened), how it has all changed her, how she wants to love and touch them, etc, etc, etc.

    Oh, we see the psychiatrist every 3 months.
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I would seek another opinion. All antidepressants CAN (not necessarily WILL but CAN) cause suicidal ideation in teens and even adults. Prozac was poisen for us. While everyone is different, if it's not helping her, it could be hurting her. I'd cut out the Concerta completely if it were my daughter. Stimulants are dangerous to kids with bipolar, which she may or may not have, and she is not benefitting from it. In short, I'd find a new psychiatrist. This one isn't helping her. Sadly, doctor shopping is part of finding the help we need for our kids.

    If you see this psychiatrist every three months, he is assuming his treatment is working and so he doesn't have to check her often. He is obviously wrong!
  8. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    psychiatrist isn't doing any good at 3-month intervals... she needs intensive medications adjustments... we were going in every 3 weeks or so to get things turned around. Just because a medication "isn't working" doesn't mean it isn't the right medication... it might just not be the right dosage, esp with the Prozac. Concerta... in theory, same thing, but we found that even small doses had a measurable effect, just not enough of an effect. NO effect???

    Might need a new psychiatrist.

    Sounds like she might need a more intensive intervention, as well. Days in psychiatric hospital aren't going to it. She probably needs weeks.
  9. mrsstanley

    mrsstanley New Member

    My daughter was just diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, your daughter seems to be exhibiting some of those symptoms. I'm definitely not a professional but she needs to see someone else. My daughter is taking Zoloft and we attend DBT sessions which are phenomenal. We just started our journey so I have no success story for you, but it will be okay.My daughter not only told everyone I abused her but she literally beat herself up and blamed me! She is being treated for an addiction she doesn't have, she just keeps lying about it but its court ordered. The lying is for attention... my daughter is in love with herself and if she's not being paid attention to she says or does something to put herself back in the center. Good or bad. I'm a newbie here and already I feel the love and support that I so desperately need. Hugs to you and everyone is here to help you!