What is it that I need to do to get more responses to my posts

Discussion in 'General Parenting Archives' started by -, May 27, 2002.

  1. Guest


    Where in MN are you? You can e-mail me, we're in Mpls.

    I felt AWFULLY frustrated when I tried to tell people about a great conference, and my post went to about the 6th page by the end of the day. :confused:
  2. EastCoastChris

    EastCoastChris New Member

    Hope, I hope you understand that everyone here is in the same boat as you are. Just keep posting and responding and sharing. Before you know it, you are one of the group.
    It is similar to starting a new job or school. It takes a bit to get into the rhythm of the site but don't think for a minute it is an intentional slight. Folks just respond to posts that they relate to. Members who have shared some really awful times over the past months or even years,sort of "know" each other and tend to get responses of support more than anything. Give members time to know you and step up to support others regardless if you have suggestions to make. It will be appreciated by the person and will be returned.
    The more generous a member is to others, the more they get returned.
    I will repeat, that not everyone is thinking about others, when here. They are thinking about themselves and the problems that they are dealing with.
    I wish everyone got 10 responses to every post but it doesn't always happen. Not to mention that the site is very fast moving. Very few members(me included) have time to get to the second or third page of posts.
    If you notice, I post words and get very few responses everyday. I'm still posting.

    If you have some suggestions with how to deal with the issue, please share them with me. I am open. I would hate to think that someone feels snubbed instead of just new. I try very hard to create an atmosphere of a "soft place to land" but admit, that I don't have any idea of how to make newcomers who feel "out of it" to get more involved. I figured that if they just hang in there, that they will see their relationship grow.
    I truely hope that those who want to be here will continue to plug through the "newness" and stay here to post.
  3. JulieD

    JulieD New Member

    Hey Hope, I have been here almost 4 years and there is nothing you could say to me that would be the wrong thing. I think sometimes new members are afraid to respond to long-time mebers for just that reason. I can assure you that I would love nothing more than for someone new to say a nice thing to me. I am just like you in that I really am new because the members turn over frequently and many of those that were here years ago are gone now so I am constantly trying to make new friendships. I don't have time to email people and start up friendships outside of the board like Suz suggested, as much as I would like to do that. So I have to rely on those friendships I make on the board, just like you.

    It is easy to feel defensive and that people are ignoring you. I can tell you for certain that never in the time that I have been here are members more open and less cliquey than right now. Take advantage of that and try to make some new friends. Yes there are friendships but those friends would let you in in a heartbeat of you asked. I tend to stay away from the Occupational Therapist (OT), light posts that many form friendships with because I just don't have the time, but they are a good way to meet people in a different way rather than through problems.

  4. ck1992

    ck1992 New Member

    I just wanted to add that EVERYONE has something to contribute to someone else. Please don't be concerned about saying the "wrong" thing (well, unless you are suggesting murder or something-lol ;)
    You might not have been around when I was a newbie but I sure put my foot in my mouth tons of times. Didn't you wonder why Fran/Kris/Nancy, etc. all call me "The Brat" on occasion? :cool:

    The more you reply the more confident you feel. I will never forget the first time someone said "I agree with Suz"----OMG, I thought my heart would burst with pride...I am not kidding!

    Go for it, Hope.

  5. Guest

    Okay, Hope. You are at 23 posts and counting.

    I guarantee that if we did not care, we would likely have let this one fall to the 3rd page too. I agree wholeheartedly with SO much that has been said. AS I read your post, about 20 things came to my mind that I wanted to say in my response. And as I read each and every response you recieved, everyone else nailed them one by one. See, I haven't been around here long myself. I'll tell you what it felt like in March, April and May. That is the history I have in relation to actual posts.

    In February I was desperate. I've been on a sliding scale between desperate and managing things for the last 3 years. I didn't believe that I'd ever find a single person that knew how hard it was to see your life morphing into this twilight zone right before your eyes. (And as Fran put it the other day: living the Groundhog Day movie, where you get up and do the same things, try some different things...and in the end you wake up the next day to the same he** anyway.) I was losing my mind with grief and frustration. I searched the internet for words that described my child and lo and behold, up came this sight. I devoured it for about two weeks. I never felt like I could respond, especially to the older members, and the ones that had been in the trenches with medications and doctors for a while. I could only read. And it helped. Then in March I finally posted, and if it had been archived for you to read now... I must have typed for an hour before I hit "post message." lol. ;)

    Everyone welcomed me, gave me the introduction and instructions, and I felt so happy that these strangers had all taken time out of their day to think about MY problems. :eek: Half the time I can't get my husband to really listen to me. From that point on I noticed that there are interesting posts that go by without getting responses, and I very much believe that its just the luck of the draw. timing, mood, etc. It's happened to me, too. I definately paid a lot of attention to certain peoples responses to other posts, that I seemed to have ideas or situations in common with. Those people and I have bonded...but I still very much consider everyone here friends. We are all dealing with the SAME feelings all derived from different situations and that is how we mesh together. For awhile, I wanted to KNOW everyone. I spent hours reading all the posts I could (not responding) and proceeded to go to the archives and read, and to read all the personal profiles that I could. THen I realized I was obsessed and I had to knock it off. :rolleyes:

    The point is I'm not an exception. (Proven to me as I read these responses and everyone else said what I was thinking) We want to know each other and connect...it just takes time and patience and we have to get to know you, by reading your responses to other people, In my opinion. I feel so bad when I see a newbie that I didn't welcome. I wonder where I was that day, and I hope that someone else was able to catch it and make them feel comforted. It's so hard to catch all of them. I still try. Stick around and I bet you'll feel very differently about us soon enough. :p
  6. JulieD

    JulieD New Member


    You are a mind reader. I was just thinking of posting asking members to post about their experiences when they first came to the board and how they felt. You really nailed a lot of important things in your reply, especially about the obsessive thing and how youwanted everyone to be your friend. Gosh can I relate to that. Eventually I HAD to step back and take it easy or this board would have consumed me. Thank you for sharing.

    I hope more members will share how they felt when first joining and how they became comfortable.

  7. Guest

    Just want to say two things. First, I skipped your post first time around because the title was :( and that could be anything. Unfortunately, I don't have time to read every post, so I scan for titles that seem relevant to me (so that I can learn something or add something helpful). I find that if I need "hugs" and ask for them in the title of my post, people are very generous with their support. Similarly, if I have a specific question that I make clear in the title of my post, I think that people with relevant info are inclined to respond. If I post at a 'slow' time and get bumped down and want more input, I'll bump my post up.

    Second, I just looked back at your post, and unfortunately had no words of wisdom to offer. Like most people here, I care deeply that there are other parents in the world (besides me) experiencing such devastating difficulties with their kids. I care that YOU are having a difficult time. If you want a 'hang in there,' ask for it and I'll give it to you; if I can help you with a problem, I'll try. But if I have no experience or helpful advice, I keep my mouth (fingers?) shut.

    To me, this board is like a large community of people going through similar experiences. It is a SOURCE of support, but it is NOT a support group; it is not a small conversation where everybody knows everyone else and everyone is going through exactly the same thing and everyone is there at the same time.

    I agree that there are groups of 'friends' that have been on the board a long time and know each other quite well. I am not hurt by other people's friendships. It is easier for people to respond to posts by people that they 'know' or 'follow' because you know the whole back-story. I still post a lot of background info when I have a question, because I assume that most people do not remember who I am and what I'm going through.

    Hope this does not sound harsh or obnoxious, because I don't intend it that way.
    Lasted edited by : Jan 19, 2014
  8. TenderHeartBears

    TenderHeartBears New Member

    I too have been here a long time and can tell you this happens from time to time and is in no way ever meant as a slight to anyone. I am also guilty of skipping your post because of the subject line. I have very limited computer time and cannot read all new posts so I skan the subjects for something I can possibly offer some advice/support. I find it helpful to be as specific as possible in the subject as it really helps people identify what the post is about and better be able to "scan". I'm sorry your feelings were hurt and hope you stick around and really get to know all of us.

  9. alexisjoanv

    alexisjoanv New Member

    I skipped your post the first time around too because I've been very busy lately and have just been scanning the topics. I don't know what made me open it today... maybe it was the high number of responses! :rolleyes:

    I've been here almost a year now. I started out in the Primary Zone because my difficult child was 5 and in preschool. I got a lot of responses there from almost everyone who hung out there. Then as I became more addicted I moved to General and was pretty much a lurker there for a couple of months. I have a step-difficult child who was having some problems so I started posting about him... not many responses. I took what I could get and "upped" a few posts that hit page 2. Don't ever feel bad about upping one of your posts... they usually get more responses than the first time around.

    I found that the same few people were responding to my posts and not many others were. The ones who did respond had been through similar situations, who could offer meaningful advice. I did feel sort of "left out" but realized that I was not initiating any relationships myself, started some Occupational Therapist (OT) posts, and joined in the Survivor thread. There's also usually a morning thread, which is a great way to get to know more people (if only I had time in the morning!) I reached out to a few different people via email and IM and now feel more a part of the board. I still have a small group of people who regularly answer my posts, and I have to say that they almost always give me that answers I'm looking for! (I have settled for quality vs. quantity)

    A similar topic came up on a local email list I belong to... the site owner said that this is "IEP" season, lots of people scrambling with the end of the year so not much time to respond. I know that's the case with me... I've been spending most of my "free time" researching the net for 504 info and quickly scanning the board.

    I hope I haven't rambled too long. I hope you stick with the board... it's made a huge difference in my life and my son's.

  10. EastCoastChris

    EastCoastChris New Member

    I think this is a good thread and I am going to archive it for the next time it comes up.

    I think there were many good suggestions as well as nudging us old timers to remember the newbies.

    Remember everyone, if you want support and suggestions, be generous with giving support and suggestions.