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What is reasonable?
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 472290" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>I asked my son a question one time when he was starting to "get it" (it being the I'm now an adult who is responsible for my decisions and the fallout et all of my decisions) - and I said ----</p><p></p><p>"As much as I care for you and love you.....I think it's time you put your big boy pants on and started asking yourself some really hard questions. Firstly - If I were not alive - WHOM would you depend on for gas in the car, and the cell phone? Seriously - Let's pretend I'm not alive because when you are off doing what YOU WANT to do? You don't need me for anything and made that very clear. So let's just take it a step further - You behaved like an adult then, but NOW you want to be a child and have Mommy do things for you? What's your game exactly?" </p><p></p><p>He stated everyone needed help now and then......</p><p></p><p>Okay - fair enough - but 20 times out of 19 - when I've extened my hand (and no I did not get my math wrong) as I've extened a hand when asked or when I felt a Motherly urge without being asked.......I got it slapped....so I'm really not into getting another slap. In that realization? THIS time - may just be the time that you have to do THIS (whatever your daughters THIS is) mostly on your own......since you're asking for help (think about it) I'm able to-.........(pick one ---not solve her life crisis) 1.) Get her a prepaid cell phone that has JUST enough minutes on it to call for help to a sponsor. Doesn't need a 400 dollar Iphone with unlimited minutes, texting, web - and by the way - if she's on Foodstamps? There is a FREE prepaid phone out there FOR HER.....via the government. It's not phenominal - but SHE CAN APPLY FOR IT and GET IT FOR FREE montlhly. Trust me---it will serve her needs for sponsor cries, and rides to the meeting JUST FINE. </p><p></p><p>As far as gas money?????? Well if you were dead (again hypothetical) HOW would she get there? She needs to think past - MOM AND DAD TO THE RESCUE - while I blah blah blah.......What her mind SHOULD be on is OMG I'm done with rehab......HOW am I going to get to XYZ.......THAT is HER problem. An occasional $25 here and there? On a gas car - that YOU TAKE HER TO THE STORE AND PUT IN HER CAR and DO NOT HAND CASH?????? YUP - all for it. OCCASIONALLY - but handing cash? Nope. She gets frustrated? No more help. </p><p></p><p>With regards to everything else? These were HER choices that got her here.......and true she DID drive herself there........but the little spoiled girl bit about I guess you care more about BLAH than you do about me? OMG I wouldhave so hung up the phone but before I did I would have said "VERY MATURE ATTITUDE - call me back when you can discuss things like an adult." The thing is ----our kids can be mature with the world.....they just seem to be big babies with us......and manipulate us. If we let them. Boils down to ------their choices...and our choices. The tougher I was with Dude.......the less I've done for him? The MORE he's had to do for himself. Bottom line is.....it doesn't matter if he liked me the last three years.......but after those three years......I think he's liking himself a whole lot more. </p><p></p><p>Mostly because - I DIDN"T FIX IT FOR HIM..........he fixed it for himself. And in the mean time/ I got on with my life best I could.......and leaned on my friends and family as I needed. Wasn't easy - not at all. But it's a lot easier today than it was three years ago with me running my life and ........his.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 472290, member: 4964"] I asked my son a question one time when he was starting to "get it" (it being the I'm now an adult who is responsible for my decisions and the fallout et all of my decisions) - and I said ---- "As much as I care for you and love you.....I think it's time you put your big boy pants on and started asking yourself some really hard questions. Firstly - If I were not alive - WHOM would you depend on for gas in the car, and the cell phone? Seriously - Let's pretend I'm not alive because when you are off doing what YOU WANT to do? You don't need me for anything and made that very clear. So let's just take it a step further - You behaved like an adult then, but NOW you want to be a child and have Mommy do things for you? What's your game exactly?" He stated everyone needed help now and then...... Okay - fair enough - but 20 times out of 19 - when I've extened my hand (and no I did not get my math wrong) as I've extened a hand when asked or when I felt a Motherly urge without being asked.......I got it slapped....so I'm really not into getting another slap. In that realization? THIS time - may just be the time that you have to do THIS (whatever your daughters THIS is) mostly on your own......since you're asking for help (think about it) I'm able to-.........(pick one ---not solve her life crisis) 1.) Get her a prepaid cell phone that has JUST enough minutes on it to call for help to a sponsor. Doesn't need a 400 dollar Iphone with unlimited minutes, texting, web - and by the way - if she's on Foodstamps? There is a FREE prepaid phone out there FOR HER.....via the government. It's not phenominal - but SHE CAN APPLY FOR IT and GET IT FOR FREE montlhly. Trust me---it will serve her needs for sponsor cries, and rides to the meeting JUST FINE. As far as gas money?????? Well if you were dead (again hypothetical) HOW would she get there? She needs to think past - MOM AND DAD TO THE RESCUE - while I blah blah blah.......What her mind SHOULD be on is OMG I'm done with rehab......HOW am I going to get to XYZ.......THAT is HER problem. An occasional $25 here and there? On a gas car - that YOU TAKE HER TO THE STORE AND PUT IN HER CAR and DO NOT HAND CASH?????? YUP - all for it. OCCASIONALLY - but handing cash? Nope. She gets frustrated? No more help. With regards to everything else? These were HER choices that got her here.......and true she DID drive herself there........but the little spoiled girl bit about I guess you care more about BLAH than you do about me? OMG I wouldhave so hung up the phone but before I did I would have said "VERY MATURE ATTITUDE - call me back when you can discuss things like an adult." The thing is ----our kids can be mature with the world.....they just seem to be big babies with us......and manipulate us. If we let them. Boils down to ------their choices...and our choices. The tougher I was with Dude.......the less I've done for him? The MORE he's had to do for himself. Bottom line is.....it doesn't matter if he liked me the last three years.......but after those three years......I think he's liking himself a whole lot more. Mostly because - I DIDN"T FIX IT FOR HIM..........he fixed it for himself. And in the mean time/ I got on with my life best I could.......and leaned on my friends and family as I needed. Wasn't easy - not at all. But it's a lot easier today than it was three years ago with me running my life and ........his. [/QUOTE]
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