Witz's response gave me pause ("no picnic") but after reflecting, yep, she's right. I guess we've just been doing this too long and I no longer consciously recognize that it isn't a whole heck of a lot of fun.
As with everything, there are good and bad RTCs. I strongly recommend you visit as many as possible and ask questions. thank you's been in 2 excellent ones, 1 very bad one (though I didn't realize how bad until after he was out), and is currently in a program that is borderline in terms of being therapeutic but I do think he is as safe as *he* will allow, which has always been my #1 priority.
At 17, your son probably can refuse Residential Treatment Center (RTC) unless it's court ordered (age of consent for psychiatric treatment is usually younger than 18, depends on your state). Also, if he's not amenable to going, chances are it won't be a productive placement. Some degree of cooperation is usually best. I'd seriously consider taking him along when you visit RTCs to help calm his fears.
Because of his age, I'd really focus on what they do in terms of life skills, transition to adulthood, and education, in addition to the therapeutic components.
The good RTCs thank you's been in were safe, clean, well-staffed, and worked well with us in terms of trying to reunite the family. Trying to imagine how he would describe an Residential Treatment Center (RTC)... I think he would say he didn't like them (we'll ignore the bad one because that's a whole 'nother issue) but what kid would like living in an institution? When behaviors are so severe that they cannot be handled safely at home (and that is a purely subjective perception - some families on the board have dealt with behaviors that are at least as unsafe as thank you's yet are somehow able to manage them - and my hat is off to them), then it's time to look at Residential Treatment Center (RTC) placement, in my humble opinion. I would *never* strongly recommend Residential Treatment Center (RTC) placement because each family is different and each family needs to come to that decision based on their own needs.
What would be your goals for the outcome of Residential Treatment Center (RTC) placement?
This is a list of questions to ask RTCs. It's just a starting place - add your own!
http://conductdisorders.com/forum/showthread.php?t=200
It's never an easy decision. You have to, in my humble opinion, weigh what's best for your son, for your family, and what needs to happen in order for him to be a safe and productive adult. My thoughts are with you as you consider this.