What is Rock Bottom?

[Copabanana]

hi new leaf. i waited to respond on this thread until i could bear the pain of it.

and still i cannot.

actually i do no believe this is bearable for any mother.

i will just say this:

i do not think it is about strength.

i do not think it is a question of love.

or will. you have all of that to the nth degree.

this is not a battle. at least not a real one.

there is nothing right to do. or wrong.

there is no reason that she will recover. or will not. or that my own son will live out his lifespan. he has an illness. he feels invulnerable. i worry about bikes and cars and helmets...and....

but there is no certainty of anything at all. for anybody.

the physical pain of this for me at my heart chakra feels like what it is: a heart attack. i feel this as i type this. for you. for me.

that said: i think there is a place of unity. where the fears, the past and future, the present, your daughter and you, my son and i--come together. where there is no expectation or want. (actually. i think the rok bottom that is meaningful for me...is my own. it is beyond the depths.)

i have not a doubt in the world about your capacity to be in this moment despite the outcome.

this dread is spiritual in nature i think. but there is a point when the battles stop and the last one i have been told is seeing ones own face. and then. you are there at the center.

rest. you are there.

 

[Littleboylost]

the physical pain of this for me at my heart chakra feels like what it is: a heart attack. i feel this as i type this. for you. for me.

Oh I felt that. How wonderful it was to be away away away. Not so wonderful to be back. This has taught me just how much I let my son invade my happiness. I need to frame and focus more on me and far less on him.

this dread is spiritual in nature i think. but there is a point when the battles stop and the last one i have been told is seeing ones own face. and then. you are there at the center.

The battle I feel is within myself. It is not a battle between our AC and ourselves the battle is within us. The brain and the heart are having a battle day in and day out. Wanting normal when we are in the uosid down. I wish I were on more stable ground.

I offer think I am like one of those blow up figures you see whipping about in front of car dealerships or stores. For a while I am full of steam and upright and the next minute I am flailing and collapsing. It’s a process with no stability. We just get used to the ups and downs of it all. Some days are good and some days are bad. Regardless of the outcome of our AC. Normalizing the abnormal.

 

[Kalahou]

Following along Leaf. Love, prayers, aloha.
May you find some still small place inside to just breathe, stay afloat.
There is nothing you need to do at the moment.
Standing with you, Tita. Onipa'a kakou.
Bless, Kalahou.