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Family of Origin
What is your relationship like with your 1st cousins?
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<blockquote data-quote="Wish" data-source="post: 737500" data-attributes="member: 23140"><p>Not at all. If I felt that my presence would comfort anyone, anyone at all, I would go. However, I think it would hurt my grandfather a lot if I didn't go. He is the only one that I worry about. Even after all of these years, he still thinks he can get me and the rest of the family to be close. I know this is what he has always wanted and I know he wants it for me and my daughter. What he always failed to understand and he would always shut me down when I tried to explain it to him is that it was not my decision. I would have loved nothing more than to have a good relationship with my extended family. I yearned for it for the first 25 years of my life. I was left hearbroken and distressed about it time and time again which is why I had to cut them off. </p><p></p><p>So the question remains, do I go for my Grandfather, the one that has helped me and my daughter through everything. </p><p></p><p> Yes. The way they would ignore me , my brother and then my daughter......words can't describe that rejection. We were like absolute ghosts at these family functions and holidays. Yes the word creepy is more than accurate. Like we absolutely did not exists or matter. Especially by our cousins. All of our other cousins associated with each other, but not with us. Painful, painful, painful.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Exactly. And I said, if anyone reached out to me, anyone, including him and told me he would like for me to come visit him, I would have in a heartbeat, even after the two nasty things he said to me in the past. I said this way, at least I would know that he wanted me to be there. Just one invitation from my aunt, my uncle, my other cousins and him, himself. I would have gone to visit him. I know in these situations one shouldn't have to be asked, but in my particular situation, I would feel like a tresspasser if I went to go visit him on my own accord because it's been that long since I seen him or anything. I would not know if my presence would make him uncomfortable and that is the last thing I would want. I think if my aunt or my uncle or my cousins wanted me to visit him, they could have sent me a quick message and if I refused, then I could understand where I would be the jerk. I would even call myself a jerk for that. But I need to know that I am wanted and that my presence matters in order to make such a big trip, even if I lived closely I would need a simple invite to visit him to make that big emotional trip. They never contact me for anything. Notihng. All invites to their things are all filtered through my grandparents and that is suppose to be acceptable for me. They never once called me on their own. None of them. Isn't that so weird? That just shows that I am right about how I feel. They only invite me and my daughter to things because of my grandparents (my grandparents half raised me and my brother). They feel like they have to. This is pretty obvious lol. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Well let me put it to you this way. I live in a different city 600 miles away now for the past 10 years almost. When I went back to my hometown for visit, my Uncle dropped by. Remember, I hadn't seen him in 10 years. He is a minister/preacher of a big lovely church. Does missionary work in Africa. Has his own little village there that he has built a school , doctors office and the such for. He is there half the year of each year for the past 10 years.</p><p></p><p>So anyway, he came by. He visits my grandparents every so often. He was very nice to me and we all gathred at the kitchen table to talk and eat. In the middle of the conversation, he says "So how is Orlando?" I don't really live there but for privacy purposes, that is what we will use. I said " great, the weather is great. Very nice". He goes "Oh we love it there. We have been so many times with the kids and grandkids". Now keep in mind, the oldest grandchild is 8 years old. That means he has been here in the last 8 years. Do you see where I am going with this? Not once. Not once did I hear that they were in town. Not even by my grandparents. They know me and my daughter live here and you would think, that they would want to see us??? </p><p></p><p>So I don't know if that would answer your question. The only reason why they would come to my funeral is if my grandparents were still alive and if it were in my hometown where they live.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Wish, post: 737500, member: 23140"] Not at all. If I felt that my presence would comfort anyone, anyone at all, I would go. However, I think it would hurt my grandfather a lot if I didn't go. He is the only one that I worry about. Even after all of these years, he still thinks he can get me and the rest of the family to be close. I know this is what he has always wanted and I know he wants it for me and my daughter. What he always failed to understand and he would always shut me down when I tried to explain it to him is that it was not my decision. I would have loved nothing more than to have a good relationship with my extended family. I yearned for it for the first 25 years of my life. I was left hearbroken and distressed about it time and time again which is why I had to cut them off. So the question remains, do I go for my Grandfather, the one that has helped me and my daughter through everything. Yes. The way they would ignore me , my brother and then my daughter......words can't describe that rejection. We were like absolute ghosts at these family functions and holidays. Yes the word creepy is more than accurate. Like we absolutely did not exists or matter. Especially by our cousins. All of our other cousins associated with each other, but not with us. Painful, painful, painful. Exactly. And I said, if anyone reached out to me, anyone, including him and told me he would like for me to come visit him, I would have in a heartbeat, even after the two nasty things he said to me in the past. I said this way, at least I would know that he wanted me to be there. Just one invitation from my aunt, my uncle, my other cousins and him, himself. I would have gone to visit him. I know in these situations one shouldn't have to be asked, but in my particular situation, I would feel like a tresspasser if I went to go visit him on my own accord because it's been that long since I seen him or anything. I would not know if my presence would make him uncomfortable and that is the last thing I would want. I think if my aunt or my uncle or my cousins wanted me to visit him, they could have sent me a quick message and if I refused, then I could understand where I would be the jerk. I would even call myself a jerk for that. But I need to know that I am wanted and that my presence matters in order to make such a big trip, even if I lived closely I would need a simple invite to visit him to make that big emotional trip. They never contact me for anything. Notihng. All invites to their things are all filtered through my grandparents and that is suppose to be acceptable for me. They never once called me on their own. None of them. Isn't that so weird? That just shows that I am right about how I feel. They only invite me and my daughter to things because of my grandparents (my grandparents half raised me and my brother). They feel like they have to. This is pretty obvious lol. Well let me put it to you this way. I live in a different city 600 miles away now for the past 10 years almost. When I went back to my hometown for visit, my Uncle dropped by. Remember, I hadn't seen him in 10 years. He is a minister/preacher of a big lovely church. Does missionary work in Africa. Has his own little village there that he has built a school , doctors office and the such for. He is there half the year of each year for the past 10 years. So anyway, he came by. He visits my grandparents every so often. He was very nice to me and we all gathred at the kitchen table to talk and eat. In the middle of the conversation, he says "So how is Orlando?" I don't really live there but for privacy purposes, that is what we will use. I said " great, the weather is great. Very nice". He goes "Oh we love it there. We have been so many times with the kids and grandkids". Now keep in mind, the oldest grandchild is 8 years old. That means he has been here in the last 8 years. Do you see where I am going with this? Not once. Not once did I hear that they were in town. Not even by my grandparents. They know me and my daughter live here and you would think, that they would want to see us??? So I don't know if that would answer your question. The only reason why they would come to my funeral is if my grandparents were still alive and if it were in my hometown where they live. [/QUOTE]
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What is your relationship like with your 1st cousins?
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