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<blockquote data-quote="DDD" data-source="post: 480872" data-attributes="member: 35"><p>Although we all know that they have to want to change...it's darn hard to watch them struggle. Her comment on wasting money on Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s has merit. If she is not motivated then placing her in a treatment program isn't likely to be of much help. To me that's the most frustrating part of this cycle. If they don't want to change lifestyles, and friends, and patterns of behavior where does the motivation come from? Some of the CD family have had to let their difficult child's "free fall" before seeing any effort come forth. Sadly, many others have found that "hitting bottom" can take a lifetime.</p><p></p><p>One thing I truly believe is that a parent can not take emotional responsibility for the choices made by their teen. Transference of guilt is a common aspect of addiction and other disabilities. In my twelve years or so on the Board I have very very rarely known of a parent who (usually due to their own MH problems) has not consistently done the very best they could do to raise healthy functioning kids. I'm sure you are not one of those parents. You want to help her. You want to guide her. You want so badly for her to achieve happiness. The problem, sigh, is that she has to want more for her own life.</p><p>I understand and I'm sorry you are nearing the crossroads. Whatever decisions you make have confidence in your choices and stick to them. We all have to be true to ourselves. Hugs DDD</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DDD, post: 480872, member: 35"] Although we all know that they have to want to change...it's darn hard to watch them struggle. Her comment on wasting money on Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s has merit. If she is not motivated then placing her in a treatment program isn't likely to be of much help. To me that's the most frustrating part of this cycle. If they don't want to change lifestyles, and friends, and patterns of behavior where does the motivation come from? Some of the CD family have had to let their difficult child's "free fall" before seeing any effort come forth. Sadly, many others have found that "hitting bottom" can take a lifetime. One thing I truly believe is that a parent can not take emotional responsibility for the choices made by their teen. Transference of guilt is a common aspect of addiction and other disabilities. In my twelve years or so on the Board I have very very rarely known of a parent who (usually due to their own MH problems) has not consistently done the very best they could do to raise healthy functioning kids. I'm sure you are not one of those parents. You want to help her. You want to guide her. You want so badly for her to achieve happiness. The problem, sigh, is that she has to want more for her own life. I understand and I'm sorry you are nearing the crossroads. Whatever decisions you make have confidence in your choices and stick to them. We all have to be true to ourselves. Hugs DDD [/QUOTE]
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