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What Next???!!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 97080" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>Adopting an older child is not for the faint-hearted. I know this is not what you want to hear but my gut feeling is that you have only emptied the top of the barrel as to your son's and daughter's behavior. Part of it will be testing you to see if you're really there for the long haul. That will go away. However, what will not go away are the underlying issues of abuse, neglect, abandonment, attachment. Add any possible mental defects suchs as fetal alcohol/drug issues, chemical imbalances and the like and you have a very long, hard road that may not be successful.</p><p></p><p>Our kids have destroyed more than one marriage and that's when they were bio-kids or adopted at birth. You both need to be on the same page. If you're looking at hypnosis now and your husband is already into anger management, imagine what it will be like 4 years down the road -- the changes you hope to see take years. Please be sure you truly can do this. </p><p></p><p>If you really think you can keep this up for a long, long time, go for it! The rewards are great. If you have doubts, get some help making this decision now with an unbiased adoption therapsit. Make sure you have lots of supports in place for all of you and that they will be there long after the adoptions are final.</p><p></p><p>It is possible that the kids will have to be split. It is desired that siblings be adopted together but it is not uncommon for them to be separated because one is abusing the other. Do watch for signs -- it is very common for an abused child to hide that abuse, especially if the abuse is at the hands of a sibling.</p><p></p><p>I will tell you that when I first got my daughter, life was sheer he11. If I was lucky, I got 3 hours sleep a night for 3 years. I was battered by her on a daily basis. The first year was simply spent teaching her how to be a child. The second was teaching her how to be a child with some manners. The third was showing her that she could be happy even if she didn't get her way. I was lucky -- I walked into it with my eyes fully open. I had a pretty complete history of her past (which is very rare in older-child adoptions). I had a great therapist for her. I had an even better therapist for me. Even so, I almost gave up. At age 14, I was truly on the verge of disrupting the adoption. Had she not gone to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC), there is no way I could have continued parenting my daughter -- she needed more than I could give her.</p><p></p><p>So, you have my sympathies. I do understand your pain and frustration. I just hope you truly understand what you are trying to do here and understand the risks.</p><p></p><p>HUGS</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 97080, member: 3626"] Adopting an older child is not for the faint-hearted. I know this is not what you want to hear but my gut feeling is that you have only emptied the top of the barrel as to your son's and daughter's behavior. Part of it will be testing you to see if you're really there for the long haul. That will go away. However, what will not go away are the underlying issues of abuse, neglect, abandonment, attachment. Add any possible mental defects suchs as fetal alcohol/drug issues, chemical imbalances and the like and you have a very long, hard road that may not be successful. Our kids have destroyed more than one marriage and that's when they were bio-kids or adopted at birth. You both need to be on the same page. If you're looking at hypnosis now and your husband is already into anger management, imagine what it will be like 4 years down the road -- the changes you hope to see take years. Please be sure you truly can do this. If you really think you can keep this up for a long, long time, go for it! The rewards are great. If you have doubts, get some help making this decision now with an unbiased adoption therapsit. Make sure you have lots of supports in place for all of you and that they will be there long after the adoptions are final. It is possible that the kids will have to be split. It is desired that siblings be adopted together but it is not uncommon for them to be separated because one is abusing the other. Do watch for signs -- it is very common for an abused child to hide that abuse, especially if the abuse is at the hands of a sibling. I will tell you that when I first got my daughter, life was sheer he11. If I was lucky, I got 3 hours sleep a night for 3 years. I was battered by her on a daily basis. The first year was simply spent teaching her how to be a child. The second was teaching her how to be a child with some manners. The third was showing her that she could be happy even if she didn't get her way. I was lucky -- I walked into it with my eyes fully open. I had a pretty complete history of her past (which is very rare in older-child adoptions). I had a great therapist for her. I had an even better therapist for me. Even so, I almost gave up. At age 14, I was truly on the verge of disrupting the adoption. Had she not gone to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC), there is no way I could have continued parenting my daughter -- she needed more than I could give her. So, you have my sympathies. I do understand your pain and frustration. I just hope you truly understand what you are trying to do here and understand the risks. HUGS [/QUOTE]
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