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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 756888" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Wise. Think about this by yourself for now. Imagine scenarios where you might feel happy, joyful, optimistic, complete, with your daughter independent and apart from you. Right now, I don't think I would try to involve her. I would try to back off, and let this cool off.</p><p></p><p>She seems not to respond well at all to you asking things of her, especially when she is conflicted, and she is. Your attempts to support her seem to trigger her, and she turns them around to hurt you.</p><p></p><p>I would wait for her to come to you. On her terms. She will probably not raise moving out, but weeks from now, in a tranquil moment, you will know when it is right. Or she may say something, who knows, phrasing it as something negative about you, how you won't let her move out, or something equally ridiculous and that may be your jiu jitsu moment, when you turn it around to your advantage, taking her up on it. That indeed you want to help her, and you will.</p><p></p><p>Right now I think the work is yours to do in yourself, with yourself. I am reading an excellent and very helpful book right now. It's not about adult kids or kids at all. It's called: <u>How to Turn your Money Life Around, The Money Book for Women</u>, by Ruth Hayden.</p><p></p><p>Why do I think it might be helpful for you?</p><p>She has a paradigm whereby she helps women take control of their lives (by taking responsibility for their decisions.) You do this by confronting the legacy of the past, legacies which still confine and run us.</p><p></p><p>Here are some chapter headings: What's wrong with me? How did I get this way? Why is money so hard for me? No matter what I do it does not work. No more! It's my life, I get to decide. Someday is here. I'm in charge. Yes I am.</p><p></p><p>After I complete the program for money, I am going to do it about other areas of my life. I don't see why it wouldn't work about our relationships with our children.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 756888, member: 18958"] Wise. Think about this by yourself for now. Imagine scenarios where you might feel happy, joyful, optimistic, complete, with your daughter independent and apart from you. Right now, I don't think I would try to involve her. I would try to back off, and let this cool off. She seems not to respond well at all to you asking things of her, especially when she is conflicted, and she is. Your attempts to support her seem to trigger her, and she turns them around to hurt you. I would wait for her to come to you. On her terms. She will probably not raise moving out, but weeks from now, in a tranquil moment, you will know when it is right. Or she may say something, who knows, phrasing it as something negative about you, how you won't let her move out, or something equally ridiculous and that may be your jiu jitsu moment, when you turn it around to your advantage, taking her up on it. That indeed you want to help her, and you will. Right now I think the work is yours to do in yourself, with yourself. I am reading an excellent and very helpful book right now. It's not about adult kids or kids at all. It's called: [U]How to Turn your Money Life Around, The Money Book for Women[/U], by Ruth Hayden. Why do I think it might be helpful for you? She has a paradigm whereby she helps women take control of their lives (by taking responsibility for their decisions.) You do this by confronting the legacy of the past, legacies which still confine and run us. Here are some chapter headings: What's wrong with me? How did I get this way? Why is money so hard for me? No matter what I do it does not work. No more! It's my life, I get to decide. Someday is here. I'm in charge. Yes I am. After I complete the program for money, I am going to do it about other areas of my life. I don't see why it wouldn't work about our relationships with our children. [/QUOTE]
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