Good Grief!!! Every single box I am packing makes me cry. I mean. WTH? I don't know what my deal is. I want to move - I am glad, happy, excited. So why is every single item that I put in a box making me cry? I can speculate as to why - but more than that I am just annoyed. It is very hard to pack, when you cry the entire time. Duh. OK, so I am still crying, now harder, as I am writing this - so it must be something deep that is bothering me. I don't know - I guess I had SO many hopes and dreams when I moved to AZ and they all got systematically crushed. One by one. Smashed. And now I am moving on, once again, to try to start over. And I am scared that once again - I will I will be a loser. It has been 44 years of loserville - and I am just so sad about it. Why even pack things when I am just going to mess things up again. Every book, every memento just reminds me of all my past f ups. I came out to AZ with this great job, and a beautiful townhome, a million miles of hiking - and Matt was excelling at his Residential Treatment Center (RTC). I had my dream. And now, its gone. Every single little piece of it. And not only is it gone - but the way that my dreams were lost - was excruciating. I had another nightmare last night about the harassment from my old job. That boss mentally messed me up more than I realized. When I was in WA I felt so much l like the universe was bringing my life together, finally. Than I come back here to AZ and that feeling stopped. I can only hope that once I get back there, the feeling will return. Right now I just want to stop crying, so I can pack - I have so much to do.