Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
What To Do? Advice?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 453910" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>They say you can't go home again. WHomever they are, they are right. Returning to your home is NOT the answer. No matter WHAT you do, you will be to blame for any problems he has - in his eyes. It will also not be good because he is going back to the role of yoru child in your home. That is NOT what he needs at age 23. </p><p></p><p>He NEEDS a sober house. Yes, other abusers are there. Yes, there are bad ones. But there are really GOOD ones too. SOme are super strict, others not quite so. There his PEERS, others who have been through the addiction recovery process and are at various points in it, will tell him the rules, if he is messing up, if he is doing great, and whatever else he needs to know. he will learn from them in ways he will NEVER learn from you. Part because you are his parents and part because you have not been in his shoes. It will be quite a few years before you become wise in his eyes. He is still at the point where he knows everything and you know very very little. So you telling him he isn't going to enough meetings or he is hanging with the wrong people or whatever is NOT going to help him.</p><p></p><p>The other thing is that you MUST MUST MUST MUST MUST start going to alanon/narcanon family meetings. They are in every community. It is a FAMILY disease - he did not get this out of the clear blue sky. His odds of recovery increase 30% if he has family that is getting help and working the steps and going to meetings. If you look at the family tree, you will find a LOT more than just the grands who are addicts/enablers. I know. We have gazillions of them swinging around in my family tree. It is easy to say that he needs help. Much harder to say you learned the patterns from your parents/grands/etc... and need help too. NEITHER of my parents drank more than socially after we were born. Neither are addicts/holics of any kind. But my gfgbro is an alcoholic, as was my mom's dad, and many many relatives past my parents. I read books and went to meetings for years after I learned what an Adult Child of an Alcoholic was - and it changed my life and my husband's. We were able to see problems in our son as a toddler and get the help he needed so he doesn't need to self medicate the way my gfgbro does. </p><p></p><p>You and your wife need these meetings not only to help your difficult child, but also to increase the odds that your daughter will not go down that path. ANd so that if she does you are better able to handle it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 453910, member: 1233"] They say you can't go home again. WHomever they are, they are right. Returning to your home is NOT the answer. No matter WHAT you do, you will be to blame for any problems he has - in his eyes. It will also not be good because he is going back to the role of yoru child in your home. That is NOT what he needs at age 23. He NEEDS a sober house. Yes, other abusers are there. Yes, there are bad ones. But there are really GOOD ones too. SOme are super strict, others not quite so. There his PEERS, others who have been through the addiction recovery process and are at various points in it, will tell him the rules, if he is messing up, if he is doing great, and whatever else he needs to know. he will learn from them in ways he will NEVER learn from you. Part because you are his parents and part because you have not been in his shoes. It will be quite a few years before you become wise in his eyes. He is still at the point where he knows everything and you know very very little. So you telling him he isn't going to enough meetings or he is hanging with the wrong people or whatever is NOT going to help him. The other thing is that you MUST MUST MUST MUST MUST start going to alanon/narcanon family meetings. They are in every community. It is a FAMILY disease - he did not get this out of the clear blue sky. His odds of recovery increase 30% if he has family that is getting help and working the steps and going to meetings. If you look at the family tree, you will find a LOT more than just the grands who are addicts/enablers. I know. We have gazillions of them swinging around in my family tree. It is easy to say that he needs help. Much harder to say you learned the patterns from your parents/grands/etc... and need help too. NEITHER of my parents drank more than socially after we were born. Neither are addicts/holics of any kind. But my gfgbro is an alcoholic, as was my mom's dad, and many many relatives past my parents. I read books and went to meetings for years after I learned what an Adult Child of an Alcoholic was - and it changed my life and my husband's. We were able to see problems in our son as a toddler and get the help he needed so he doesn't need to self medicate the way my gfgbro does. You and your wife need these meetings not only to help your difficult child, but also to increase the odds that your daughter will not go down that path. ANd so that if she does you are better able to handle it. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
What To Do? Advice?
Top