HeadSpinning
New Member
I have a 23-year-old stepson. His Mom and I are at our wits end due to a drug problem that's been festering for a long time. Here's a brief (?) synopsis.
He was a model kid when he was in high school. Star basketball player, straight-A student. Then he went to college. While there, he started spending money hand over fist. When he came home with some horrid grades after his first year, his Mom found some pictures on his cell phone that basically showed he was involved in the abuse of painkillers and downers. He was told that he'd be taking a year off school to get his life back on track, at which point, he flipped out. All hell broke loose. His mother ended up with a black eye (literally, not figuratively) and he was sent to his grandmother's house for a two week cooling off period, during which time he was also to get back onto his bi-polar medicine. We also took his car, on the advice of his doctor, because we thought he was out of control.
After a week and a half, he decided that the grass was greener at Grandma's and that he was going to move in with her permanently. His grandmother, along with his grandfather and step-grandmother (his mom's mother, father, and stepmother) decided to buy him another car without our knowing. We remained estranged for about two and a half years until this past April, when he called from school and asked for addiction help.
We took him to a hospital for detox. During the ride, he explained to us that he was addicted to some heavy painkillers, including those used to treat cancer patients, and was selling drugs out of his grandmother's home to support his own habit. We confirmed with the local police, many of whom are friends of mine, that he was under investigation and that we should stay clear of him. He also explained that he dropped out of school because his grandparents wouldn't sign a loan for his final year (imagine that they were $40K in debt and weren't going to sign on for another $20 for a drug addicted kid!). After release from detox, he decided that he didn't need meetings or any follow-up help. Of course, before long, he's back on drugs heavy, along with his girlfriend, and between the two, they've managed to total three cars because of drugs. Her parents keep buying her new ones.
This past June, he robbed a pizza store. In July, he robbed the same one again. He's been arrested and charged with two counts of burglary, among other things. He's also done things that he hasn't been caught for that are too numerous to list. On the advice of the local police, he went to the hospital for detox and, as of yesterday, he's been transferred to a long-term rehab facility, where he'll spend the next 3-4 months being counseled on how to remove his head from his rectum. Upon completion, he'll return to face his charges, which will probably end up in a probation sentence.
Here's our dilemma. None of his grandparents think they did anything but help him and none are willing to engage in the family counseling afforded as part of his rehab stint. His grandmother thinks he can handle using drugs recreationally and his grandfather/step-grandmother have a 50-year-old drug addict living with them - her son - who is a complete waste of space.
An indicator of how bad his mindset is: the same day he went to the hospital, his distant cousin died after being in a dug abuse-induced coma for eight months. Our son's response: "you have to know what you're doing if you're going to mix drugs like that."
When he's out of rehab, moving back with us is not an option as we have a 12-year-old daughter that we cannot allow to be anymore involved in the life of a drug addict that she's already been. We're basically on an island here. If he moves back with us, there's legitimate reason to believe he'll get violent with his mother and sister, and I travel frequently for work. If he moves in with any of his grandparents, he'll be back to square one within months, if that. He's getting out of rehab with two felony charges against him, so it's not like finding a job is going to be a quick and easy thing for him.
What can we, as his parents, do to help keep the kid on track once he gets out of rehab, assuming he's on track in the first place? Other than give him advice and threaten to remove ourselves from the situation, thereby eliminating the only support system he has, what can we do?
I'm open to any and all suggestions.
He was a model kid when he was in high school. Star basketball player, straight-A student. Then he went to college. While there, he started spending money hand over fist. When he came home with some horrid grades after his first year, his Mom found some pictures on his cell phone that basically showed he was involved in the abuse of painkillers and downers. He was told that he'd be taking a year off school to get his life back on track, at which point, he flipped out. All hell broke loose. His mother ended up with a black eye (literally, not figuratively) and he was sent to his grandmother's house for a two week cooling off period, during which time he was also to get back onto his bi-polar medicine. We also took his car, on the advice of his doctor, because we thought he was out of control.
After a week and a half, he decided that the grass was greener at Grandma's and that he was going to move in with her permanently. His grandmother, along with his grandfather and step-grandmother (his mom's mother, father, and stepmother) decided to buy him another car without our knowing. We remained estranged for about two and a half years until this past April, when he called from school and asked for addiction help.
We took him to a hospital for detox. During the ride, he explained to us that he was addicted to some heavy painkillers, including those used to treat cancer patients, and was selling drugs out of his grandmother's home to support his own habit. We confirmed with the local police, many of whom are friends of mine, that he was under investigation and that we should stay clear of him. He also explained that he dropped out of school because his grandparents wouldn't sign a loan for his final year (imagine that they were $40K in debt and weren't going to sign on for another $20 for a drug addicted kid!). After release from detox, he decided that he didn't need meetings or any follow-up help. Of course, before long, he's back on drugs heavy, along with his girlfriend, and between the two, they've managed to total three cars because of drugs. Her parents keep buying her new ones.
This past June, he robbed a pizza store. In July, he robbed the same one again. He's been arrested and charged with two counts of burglary, among other things. He's also done things that he hasn't been caught for that are too numerous to list. On the advice of the local police, he went to the hospital for detox and, as of yesterday, he's been transferred to a long-term rehab facility, where he'll spend the next 3-4 months being counseled on how to remove his head from his rectum. Upon completion, he'll return to face his charges, which will probably end up in a probation sentence.
Here's our dilemma. None of his grandparents think they did anything but help him and none are willing to engage in the family counseling afforded as part of his rehab stint. His grandmother thinks he can handle using drugs recreationally and his grandfather/step-grandmother have a 50-year-old drug addict living with them - her son - who is a complete waste of space.
An indicator of how bad his mindset is: the same day he went to the hospital, his distant cousin died after being in a dug abuse-induced coma for eight months. Our son's response: "you have to know what you're doing if you're going to mix drugs like that."
When he's out of rehab, moving back with us is not an option as we have a 12-year-old daughter that we cannot allow to be anymore involved in the life of a drug addict that she's already been. We're basically on an island here. If he moves back with us, there's legitimate reason to believe he'll get violent with his mother and sister, and I travel frequently for work. If he moves in with any of his grandparents, he'll be back to square one within months, if that. He's getting out of rehab with two felony charges against him, so it's not like finding a job is going to be a quick and easy thing for him.
What can we, as his parents, do to help keep the kid on track once he gets out of rehab, assuming he's on track in the first place? Other than give him advice and threaten to remove ourselves from the situation, thereby eliminating the only support system he has, what can we do?
I'm open to any and all suggestions.
