I don't know if this is a vent or me thinking 'out loud' or both. I'm so tired of being with difficult child 24/7. It is a huge battle to get her to do her schoolwork and when I don't feel good, I can't make myself do it some days. I tell her to get on, she gets nasty and I stop. Self-preservation I guess you could call it. It's a battle to get her to do most things. And the endless 'I want you to fix it even though it can't be fixed' ***** the life out of me. MR/daughter is coming out Friday, but I really don't expect much to come of it. She has no developmental disability diagnosis and they are just wanting to come out because of what I told them about her. I don't know. Maybe something will, maybe it won't. To be quite honest, I'm sick to death of trying to fight with someone who refuses to help herself. Her teachers, me, everyone are doing everything we can to help her and she fights it tooth and nail. I never seem to know what to do. I get so frustrated, exasperated and overwhelmed that I'm ready to let her 'fail' at the online school - which means she'll be kicked out for not doing enough work and forced to return to her home school district - then I get a second win and continue the battle knowing that her returning to her home school district is not going to change things. Except get her out of the house, which would probably be really good for everyone. I think I've bailed her out too many times. I don't think I've let her really fall, really feel the consequences of her actions. Because I know so intimately what she struggles with on a daily basis. But, even though I struggled with it, I never forced it on someone as much as she does with me. Maybe that's my own fault. I just can't do it anymore. I don't want to. I know you guys have heard me say this a lot lately. And maybe even before. She has an excuse for everything: she doesn't remember to get on and do school work when I remind her (which I do and she argues and becomes nasty and then I end up dreading it every day), she doesn't think about taking the dog out and I end up chasing him around the neighborhood when he got away from me tonight on ice covered driveways and sidewalks, she doesn't think to check the water dish and I've refilled it 3 days in a row and it was bone dry each time, she doesn't notice the cat bowls are empty. She says she doesn't think about these things; she doesn't remember. I told her then that she needs to put a note somewhere will she will remember because these are the things she agreed - promised - to take on when we got the pets and signed up for the online school. But, I know that it will not happen. Not unless I force her to feel the full weight of her consequences. She finds it perfectly acceptable to criticize everything I do or don't do; things she herself is not willing to do. She makes me feel like a terrible mother, a terrible person. She hates living here. She hates me. I'm having a hard time finding a therapist. The problem is I need someone close because I never know how I'm going to feel and driving an hour or even 30 minutes once a week may not always be possible. I even broke down and called county mental health. And after leaving messages with intake for 3 weeks and finally leaving a message with the supervisor, got a call back and they took my and difficult child's information and informed that there is a 6-9 month wait. Minimum. And I sit here with tears streaming down my cheeks because tonight was just more of the same and I just don't know what to do anymore. I really don't. I always thought I was doing my best and trying so hard to help her. And now I think that I was doing everything completely wrong. And I don't know how to fix it.